tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28363885394360731772024-03-06T02:07:58.748+13:00the chocolate and coffee of my lifeim staying true to memizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.comBlogger168125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-20902642334240311422020-10-17T06:23:00.002+13:002020-10-17T06:23:34.137+13:00Late night thoughts<p> I was trying to finish the work that is long overdue right now. </p><p>The unfinished bothersome works that made me feel not at ease.</p><p>The unfinished bothersome works that made me feel embarrassed and want to run away whenever I meet the boss as I know I still owe him the work</p><p>The unfinished bothersome work that can be done if I can just stay focus and finally do it.</p><p>But here I am, out of nowhere, appearing in my old blog after a thousand of years.</p><p>I am still amazed I still remembered the password, I guess it is meant to be.</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess I just to let it out. That unsettled feeling that I have been having lately. Writing has always helped me to put things into a perspective so maybe I should write about it here. Afterall, who reads blog anymore, right? Right. So hopefully I wont be judged. And pitied, especially pitied. As I really hate this</p><p>You see, my life took a turn for the worse on the 31st of August. Just the previous night, my mom was talking about how excited she is to come to Taiping to celebrate her 1st granddaughter's (my daughter) birthday party. We were planning for a small family gathering, from both side of the family (mine and my husband's). Later at night, mom even whatsapped us, asking if we want to go to a dim sum place for breakfast. <br /><br />That's why the next day I was all ready to go breakfast with the whole family only to find out that my mom was not well and she asked us to go, without her. She said her stomach is bothering her, and I can see from the look of her face that she was really in pain. But she passed it off as gas, saying that it will go away.<br /><br />When we were back from our breakfast (we ended up just going to a nearby mamak), my husband noticed that my mom was really in pain and he insisted bringing mom to the clinic. The doctor asked her to go to a hospital instead, suspecting it was appendicitis. So my husband brought her to SJMC. Because we were going back to Taiping in the evening, my mom asked my husband to go home 1st while she waited with my sister.</p><p>I was worried but I thought nothing much about it as I thought it was really her apendics. I had just finished my Zohor prayer and was about to start packing for our journey back when my husband entered the room and said "The doctor said it might be cancer. But they need to do scan to confirm".</p><p>I couldnt believe what I heard. "What? Biar betul?"</p><p>My heart was beating fast. My mind was everywhere. And I prayed that it wont be true. Please dont be true.<br /><br />I was thinking of staying and not going back but my husband advise against it. After all, nothing is confirmed yet. And isnt it better to save the leave for when I really need it?, he reasoned. And I had to agree although my mind and my heart was no longer at ease.</p><p>We go and meet mom at the emergency room before we went back to Taiping where she cant barely whisper her goodbye. It was heartbreaking. I cried almost all the way on my journey back to Taiping. All I can think of were all the unnecessary fights I had with her. In the car, I even made a nazar to fast a week if Mama is not diagnosed with cancer. I even fasted the next day, because I know the prayer of those who are fasting is easily answered.<br /></p><p>But Allah has better plans. He always has. Even not in the way we can understand. Even when His plans sometimes feel like a punishment. Even when you have to push yourself to believe that He gives you tests because He loves you, and He wants to elevate your ranks. </p><p>My prayer was not answered this time. Mama was diagnosed with colon cancer. Stage 4.<br /><br />I was at school when I received the news. Imagine, how could I stay calm when I just heard the worst news of my life. How could I still teach and act professionally at this time?</p><p>I couldnt. I dont want my colleagues to see my tears. I could feel that I was about to breakdown. So I ran back home where the flood of tears break free. Where everything in the house reminded of my mom who had visited me just 2 weeks prior just to help me care for my sick child. The onions, which we bought because she insisted to cook for us. The batu lesung that she used while holding my daughter who refused to let go of her, the room that she used with my sister. Everything, anything can be a trigger. I was a wreck. I felt like driving back there and then. I couldnt. Because I have a small daughter now who relies on me.</p><p>It's amazing how one's life can change in the blink of an eye. Really. It can really change so fast it knocks you out of breath. We are weak humans after all. We are not invincible. We think we have everything figured out. We plan for next week, next month or the next year. Without realizing that tomorrow might not be promised to us after all.</p><p>Please pray that my mom will stay strong and Allah will grant her syifa'. He is the Healer afterall and there is nothing that He could not do. Nothing at all.<br /><br />Ya Allah, please allow me more time to be with my mom. Please heal her from cancer 100% and dont let it come back. Please let us be a more thankful servants to You. Please let us be a better servants for you and make us stronger in Iman for this ordeal. Ameen ya rabbal alameen</p><p><br /><br />Insyallah to be continued, maybe</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-86074790276926320752016-12-19T20:29:00.001+13:002016-12-19T20:48:12.132+13:00Because I dont want to forget this (part 1)<div style="text-align: justify;">
Assalamualaikumwarahmatullahiwabarokatuh (amik mood baru balik mekah)</div>
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So it's been exactly a week since I came back to Malaysia after performing umrah with my parents. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Suka sangat sampai gelak tak ingat dunia hehe</td></tr>
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To be honest, since then, Ive been in a state of normlessness. I mean I was in Madinah and Mecca for almost 2 weeks, where everyday is packed with spiritual activities, walking a lot (the distance from our hotel to the masjeed was quite far, im glad i have gained some stamina from my hiking activities), shopping in between, sleeping early as we also woke up very early (at 3 a.m almost everyday) to suddenly having too much time for my own good at home not knowing what to do. To make it worse, I am having that time of the month where I cant pray. So it's kind of a drastic change for me. I feel weird. Too guilty to start watching Korean drama, I resulted just to read novels and even doing that doesnt make me feel good. I am missing that feeling I felt when I was there, but I just dont know what to do about it.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now apart from NZ, this would also be the place I will always be missing</td></tr>
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So here I am today, I guess it's time for me to blog about my experience. Not just for anybody, more than that it is for my own reminder. Of how lucky I was to get that experience, to be invited, to be there.</div>
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<b><u>The trip that almost didnt happen</u></b></div>
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Memang, sekarang ni kita tengok orang pergi umrah macam siapa siapa pun boleh pergi kan. And compared to doing Hajj, people are more willing to do umrah and apart from it's cheaper, shorter and easier, I think people are more happy to go umrah is because there are less scary story about "Allah's retribution" to our sins during umrah. Padahal kita ni dah banyak sangat disogokkan dengan cerita cerita mastika kann?? Padahal kalau Allah nak kasi balasan anytime je. Haji ke Umrah ke. Kat Mekah ke kat Malaysia ke. Kan kat mana mana pun bumi Allah juga? But I digress. Let's get back to being invited again. Yes, it's not Hajj, it's just Umrah but it is still an invitation by Allah nevertheless. If you think just anyone can go as long as they have money, you are wrong. And even when you think it's impossible for you to go in your current condition, if Allah wills for you to go, you will still get to go, against all odds. </div>
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And I think that is what happened to me. Ive been having a dream to go there since i was still in school. And that feeling intensify when I was in Uni. But when Saudi Arabia decided to implement the rules where young women need to be accompanied by only their closest mahram (either husband, father, brother or uncle (cannot tumpang) my dream kind of shattered. Yela, nak harap pergi dengan husband entah bila nak jumpa husbandnya. Nak pergi dengan ayah, ayah has already performed his Hajj and umrah a few times, I dont think he has the need to do it again any time soon, nak pergi dengan brother, brother belajar pun x abes lagi and I cant afford to pay for him yet. So imagined my surprise when out of a sudden my dad suddenly asked me if I would like to perform umrah like around 2 months ago, of course I said YESS. I felt as if one of the prayers ive said during ramadhan, or maybe the prayer I requested from an ustaz performing the hajj has been answered, I couldnt be more grateful. Me? This person who has sinned a lot. Who at times focused more on worldly pleasured than the afterlife. Who slacks a lot. I was humbled really humbled by the opportunity to go there.</div>
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But even then I still feel scared that I dont get to go so I dont really tell about it to lots of people. I do all the things that need to be done to attain a visa, bought some tudung and telekung but im still too scared to be excited about it. Because I know this is an invitation by Allah, and He can cancel it anytime if He wants to. And then guess what happens? The date when we're supposed to fly got postponed. From 26th Nov to 29th. Ok that is still ok. We're still going anyway right? I should be patient although in my heart I felt a little bit uneasy. And guess what, on the evening on the 28th we got to know that there are some problems with our flight arrangement and we are being postponed to other dates indefinitely. My mum told me that if the date is later than 1st Dec than we have to cancel because my mom have some urgent matters she needs to attend to that cant be postponed.</div>
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That was when I really cried. I was bawling my eyes out to be exact. Sobbing, I was asking my mom "Sarah tak dapat pergi sebab sarah banyak dosa ke ma?", while regretting what Ive been doing in the previous weeks leading to the day. Yela banyak kali cuba puasa instagram. Ive uninstalled it many times but and then it only lasted for one day before I installed it again. huhuu i guess i have a very poor self control. My mom in her attempt to make me feel better told me that it would be better to go next year, so we can bring my other sister, Amy, along. But in my head I was screaming "next year?? next year is sooo far away. I might even die before i get to go!!"</div>
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This is what i am talking about when I said going there is an invitation. No matter how close you are to going, if Allah doesnt permit it to happen, it is not going to happen..</div>
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(to be continued...)</div>
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mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-88887329709684298642016-11-05T04:48:00.003+13:002016-11-05T04:48:56.213+13:00Hey old frenIts funny how your old life can out of nowhere snuck on you<br />
All this while youve moved on<br />
You dont even think about that person anymore<br />
And suddenly bamm it all comes back to you like a bullet train<br />
You found yourself scavenging for old letters, old emails, old mementos<br />
Just to reenact that feelings<br />
On how happy u were<br />
On how you treasured u feel<br />
On how relief when youre being listened to<br />
When you once again read the words<br />
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And then comes the aftermath<br />
When you realize you can never reach out to them anymore<br />
When u realize what you have is gone for good<br />
When u realize what you had was special but u didnt appreciate it enough while it lasts<br />
Its heartbreaking<br />
<br />
I'll let myself walk down the memory lane<br />
This one time<br />
Just for today<br />
Before i move on<br />
Once againmizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-72887946395313328822016-06-22T02:24:00.002+12:002016-06-22T02:24:54.047+12:00Sometimes it comes back to youJust when you thought you are all okay and getting better<br />
That feeling comes back and hit you in the gut like nothing else<br />
You wish to run away<br />
But you cant<br />
You wish to be the bigger person and choose to be happy even when that happiness is about others<br />
But youre stuck in your own pit you cant look at others but your pain<br />
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And when you cant really share it to anyone<br />
Because you've somehow lost people who can understand<br />
Who can relate<br />
You're stuck even more<br />
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But that is the best time where you weep to The One<br />
Who would understand<br />
Who is the only one who can elevate the pain<br />
Who will stay<br />
Who wont run away<br />
Who ultimately has the key to the doors of solutions<br />
<br />
I wish i could just disappear<br />
Into thin air<br />
Without a trace<br />
Without a shadow<br />
So i wont feel the pain anymore<br />
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But i know<br />
The pain, like anything else that comes from The One<br />
Is meant to be there for a reason<br />
And even when i dont understand the reason<br />
I understand His love and His mercy<br />
He is not doing it to torture me<br />
He is doing it to teach<br />
To bring out a better stronger me<br />
Even when at times (many) i feel like im breaking into pieces<br />
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I have faith in Your plan for me<br />
And even when im sad, knowing that you will not burden me more than I could bear is a consolation enough<br />
For me to be patient, to stay resilient<br />
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Because you know<br />
You'll always know me better than anyone else<br />
Because you're closer to me than my jugular vein<br />
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<br />mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-25727801555467330562016-05-24T21:26:00.000+12:002016-05-24T21:26:09.221+12:00Easier said than doneAllah promises that He will not burden you more than you could shoulder,<br />
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but still,<br />
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that doesnt make the burden any lighter.<br />
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Hoping and praying for strength and continuous faith<br />
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<br />mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-52692196673781267362016-01-24T03:43:00.002+13:002016-01-24T03:43:25.263+13:00If onlyLately, i have found myself wishing I could change things that has already happened<br />
I have been saying 'if only' more and more<br />
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Which is bad<br />
Because ive heard once how the word 'if' is actually the devil's trick to make you become ungrateful, to make you waste your time to dwell on something useless, to make you blame fate<br />
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Ya Allah<br />
Please guide my heart<br />
Please dont leave me astray<br />
Keep me among those who you guide<br />
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Please dont let me want the wrong things<br />
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Aminmizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-18949367625005135852016-01-23T23:30:00.001+13:002016-06-22T02:30:25.034+12:00Sarah si mak supir<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picking up sofea from her art class</td></tr>
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Decided to come back home because of the three days break just to an empty house</div>
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Well, not really empty tp hampirlah<br />
Mom is in Lombok, Indonesia, for her work place's team building session<br />
Ayah is not around this week<br />
Amy went to Ipoh for her friend's wedding<br />
Atie is going out with her friend<br />
Amir is home tp sama je ada ke xde as he will wake up late and then will be stuck in front of the computer playing games<br />
Sofea has tuition and art class</div>
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Which means I am the mak supir of the day, sending and fetching up sofea to her classes. </div>
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And doing this for the whole day, go out to send her and then come home and then wait until its time to pick her up again-I dont know how mothers do it without complaining, because although its not difficult, but doing the same thing over and over again week in and week out-it's boringggg (plus sbb xde orang and xde aktiviti nk buat kat rumah kut today)</div>
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And I guess thats the difference between a mom and everyone else,they do things so selflessly it seemed so effortless until you have to replace her doing the tasks, and then u know.</div>
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Sama juga, I used to ask my mom to come visit me back when I was in boarding school in Sabak Bernam if possible every weekend with the stupidest excuses (like biskut abes, pdhal orang lain boleh je gi outing beli sendiri, rindu la, homesick la). And my mom would try her best to come. And she did this all on her own, because my dad worked in Sudan at that time. She would drive all 3 hours to and fro. </div>
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Tu x masuk minggu pulang bermalam. Selagi boleh I would ask her to send me as late as possible back to school. The curfew is at 6 p.m, so I would say no to come back any earlier, without realising how late it was for my mom by the time she arrived home. How selfish I was at that time huh?</div>
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I only realized how strenuous doing all this when I can drive, and because at that time my work place (mrsm kkb) was quite along the way to my sister's boarding school in SMS Kuala Selangor, my mom asked me to help pick her up. Driving alone, in the afternoon, for 2 hours, only then did I realize what my mom has done for me all this while. And its not only for me, but for her 3 other children who studied in boarding schools. If its up to me, if God willing i have children in the future, I would even consider asking them to not go to boarding schools. Hahaha. Its just too tiring! And we are not even talking about the toll and gas to be paid! </div>
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But of course, I am talking from the perspective of someone who does not have children yet, so I guess I dont quite understand what it means to be willing to sacrifice anything-your money, your resting time, your energy, your weekend, your own life, basically anything, just so that you get to see your children will have a better future.</div>
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Haha funny how I started writing this post with the intention of ranting, but ended up being insaf and missing my parents moree. (See how writing is good for u? Its a form of relection!)</div>
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To all super parents out there, I salute you! Thank you for making our lives as children awesome no matter how bratty we could be at times;p</div>
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Okla its time to whatsapp my mom and tell her I love and miss her=)</div>
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Have a happy weekend and let it be the weekend where we are among the grateful ones</div>
mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-52038981522950036542016-01-22T04:58:00.002+13:002016-01-22T05:01:09.721+13:00two oh one sixI just realized how I only posted 3 entries last year.<br />
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Oh no<br />
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I guess the age is catching up on me and my hectic lifestyle (hectic la sangat) didnt allow me with much time to sit down and reflect and tell. Or maybe because I dont find anything interesting anymore (oh no!!)<br />
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Ok tak perlu over. I guess it's just that last year ive grown accustomed to post stuffs on my Instagram instead. I have found new things that I am passionate in-hills hiking! (can you believe it, hiking? me?). It is more convenient and fast and easy but I guess because it is more easy it becomes less meaningful.<br />
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And sooo.. this is what I have decided today-to write more! And also because I need to teach kids to write good essays, so I guess I must start with myself first<br />
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I pray that this year I will be writing about a lot of happy stuffs and great news, ameen.<br />
(thats how new years are-they make people feel hopeful.) Wishing a happier year for everyone everywhere around the world too.. Ameen=))<br />
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[teruknyaa post sebab da lama x menulis -_-')<br />
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<br />mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-31803755725088707222016-01-22T04:03:00.004+13:002016-01-22T04:03:53.573+13:00If you manage to find this...Congratulation. . .mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-67802904893325870542015-10-17T14:46:00.000+13:002015-10-17T14:46:01.066+13:00Home is where the hunt isYou dont say it<div>
Not in so many words</div>
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But through how you look at me</div>
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Through your half hearted smile</div>
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Through your body language</div>
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You might as well scream it to my ears</div>
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That I am the source</div>
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The constant source of disappointment</div>
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The living prove of your failure</div>
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You wish you could just turn or run away from</div>
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People say distance makes the heart grows fonder</div>
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But why dont they talk about how hearts might only be fond when they are apart</div>
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Not when they are together?</div>
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What do you do when the place you seek refuge is also the place your heart found menace?</div>
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So where do you run to?</div>
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I know, I am aware</div>
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I am at fault</div>
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So guide me</div>
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Dont hate me</div>
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mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-39847772186328788202015-05-19T02:05:00.002+12:002015-05-19T02:05:57.342+12:00Birthday resolution 2015I feel that I need to write this somewhere. So here goes:<br />
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<u>Things to do everyday (steps to become a better person)</u></div>
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1. Strive to pray early</div>
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2. Read at least 4 pages of quran everyday</div>
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3. Read at least one academic article everyday (instead of clicking the 'save' button with the intention to read it later, but I never did)</div>
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4. No matter how sucky the news are nowadays, read it everyday. Be in the know so you can teach the kids better about whats going on in the world</div>
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5. Spend only 2.5 hours tops in watching something that is entertainment related, regardless whether you are free all day long or not. Too much of entertainment makes you become stupid sarah, please realise that</div>
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6. Strive to increase the number of voluntary prayers. Kau sembahyang tu bukannya khusyuk. Maka sedar-sedar dirilah</div>
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7. Smile more</div>
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8. Wake up everyday with the intention of helping at least one person</div>
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9. Post a Facebook status that can increase people's awareness on an important issue or tazkirah-related or hadith or quran translation at least twice a weak</div>
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10. Less procrastination</div>
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Ive been procrastinating a lot lately, that I feel really guilty. All around me ive been receiving and reading news on how people suddenly die/ fall into coma. And it stirred something inside of me. Life is too short for me to become a useless person. So I feel that I need to take charge, and change. And making this resolution is one of the steps.</div>
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To others, it might not be a very impressive list, but for me, right now, knowing how lackadaisical I have become lately, if I can put a tick for everything that is on the list, it is an accomplishment enough and I will be a very happy girl.</div>
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this is sarah and I am striving to be the change I want to see. </div>
mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-48725465738212639742015-04-16T00:08:00.000+12:002015-04-16T00:10:34.969+12:00I is sad I am a transparent person. Very. People who know me know very well about that. It is very obvious when i am happy, when I am angry, when I am sad, when I am miserable. Even if I try, I'd do a very miserable job concealing my emotions.<br />
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Being the way that I am, has its own advantages and disadvantages. Advantages: (tapping my hand and thinking hard. ok rupanya takde HAHA). Disadvantages: I got into a lot of unnecessary conflict with other people, especially the ones I am close with. The reason being is because when I am upset, I usually let it be known that I am upset, through both actions and words. Example: I dont like the way how my friend is being snappish at me over no reason just because she feels like being moody. Instead of being patient and give her some space and let it go, I am the kind who would not be able to take that kind of attitude therefore I would tell that straight to her face. And of course, I am not helping the situation at all with her already being moody at the first place. So usually we ended up being in a stupid cold war, which in actuality, can easily be avoided if I'd just be the bigger women and let it go. </div>
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Ive been in that situation for countless times. And I ended up regretting it many times too. You know, sometimes, even when you know you're right, some battles are not worth starting. Especially when you are being sad over something your loved ones are doing. Why create the unnecessary conflict of hurting others just because you were hurt at the first place? You are hurt, yes, but does it make you feel better when your loved ones are hurt too, because of you? </div>
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Life is not always about getting a fair treatment. Especially in regards to love. You dont go loving someone expecting they love you as much as you love them. You might feel you're in heaven when that is the case, but when it is not, it is sad, yes, but it should be fulfilling too, in its own right. Therefore, in the case when you are hurting, true love is when you would hide your pain so that they can smile when they look at you, thinking you're fine and happy too. That is sincere and real love.</div>
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If there is anyone reading this, you might feel i am all over the place and not making any sense. This is me deeply reflecting on my behaviour and realising how immature I was today. Reflecting to my conversation with my mom:</div>
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Mama: Sarah ni selfish. Sebab tu kena kawen</div>
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Me : Taknak. selfish la tak boleh kawen</div>
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Immature gila kan? hoho. Sebab tu tak boleh kahwin.</div>
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mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-35895979884267294322015-01-10T17:17:00.000+13:002015-04-16T00:19:05.179+12:00Day 2: Of biawak, tracksuits and Shopping Complex<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cantik kan kan kan? Picture is without any filter</td></tr>
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So I decided to stop moping around over my fate of being alone and company-less this weekend</div>
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After pouring my heart out to my old housemate and she ridiculing me on being so lembik over this trivial matter and talking about stupid stuff a thing or two, I was back to my old self- confident, strong, without a care in the world. Hah! In my dream HAHA. No la, but I was back to being a more logical and positive thinking person</div>
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Deciding I should take advantage of the beautiful green lake just outside the gate of the school (seriously, it is so green green green everywhere, I feel it is believable that all those pixies and fairies and elves we read in the children story book can really exist here), I made the resolution to wake up early and jog the next morning. Surely this is the activity one can do alone without appearing awkward, right? But I guess God has other plans for me. I overslept and by the time I'm ready it was already 8.30. But that is still consider very early in the morning kan? Although I did have second thoughts on just staying at home and do zumba workout instead, I felt that I'll be very ashamed of myself for having such a weak commitment so I still decided to go.</div>
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While driving there, I met few joggers who are already red-faced, out of breath, sweating profusely, already walking slowly. What?? Are they done already?? Seriously at what time these guys woke up? Four?? I also met a few of groups of male joggers, and nil female joggers. And that made me really nervous. I mean, why must all these group of men jog together? Bukan perempuan je ke biasanya jogging beramai ramai? I mean what are these men scared of? So in return, <i>I</i> become the one who were scared of them. </div>
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Considering the fact that it might be dangerous for me to jog alone I continued driving until I finally found a spot which is more busy with old citizens and family members. Parked the car, crossed the road, walked slowly while still making decisions whether I should really jog today, I realized it was getting too hot already. Ok takpela, amik gambar tasik je, I decided. And that is when I saw a crocodile swimming slowly but menace-fully in the lake. OMG, crocodile in the lake?? Really? Is this place really suitable for people to bring over their small kids? I was asking all these questions in my mind before I realized it was actually a lizard, a very big one at that. I was really about to take picture of the big swimming lizard and post it to social media (like everyone loves to do when finding something interesting that is boast-worthy) when it decided to rest from its swim and go climb the tebing very near to where I was standing. NICE. Very nice. So I had to cancel my intention and go save myself instead. Its not that I am scared of reptiles or anything, seriously, I can even touch snakes at the zoo, but at that time I remembered what my mum used to tell me: "biawak kalau gigit orang dia takkan lepas sampai bunyi petir". Ok, I dont know if that is a mitos or apa but I am not going to find that out today. Dahla tak nmpk mcm nak hujan pun. hoho</div>
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So back in the car, feeling sad for being such a loser who cant even jog, I called my friend who also had gone through the experience of being transferred to a new place with zero friends at the start. And anyway, I really need my talking fix for today, or I'll go crazy. She cheered me on, saying "this too shall pass" while I wailed saying I cant wait for it to pass alreadyy. Seriously, I was jealous seeing everyone I saw who is with friends, I was even jealous of the birds flying together!<br />
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Feeling a little bit better after talking to her, since I am already out, I decided to go and buy the ironing board while getting to know the town better. Konon konon nak independent la dari guna waze sebab nk belajar ingat jalan tapi last last sesat lagi sikit nak masuk highway pergi Alor Setar.Hoh. I ended up going to AEON Taiping, with my tracksuit, tshirt purple mrsm mukah and sport shoes no less. HUAAA selekeh abes, just not my kind of style. Dah la kedai pun tak bukak lagi. Pekerja-pekerja siap masih tunggu lagi kat luar. HAHA. Sebab dah tau kedai AEON tu ada jual perkakasan rumah jugak, I straight away head to the shop right after it struck 10 a.m. And guess what, because I was their first customer, all these workers were actually lining up dekat depan kedai dan sepanjang jalan masuk to greet me as if I am some kind of an heir or a Shopping Complex tycoon I watch on Korean dramas. Seriously, if you watch stairway to heaven you'll know what I mean. Dahla I was feeling really conscious wearing my tracksuits kasut sport and all. NICE, really nice! Haihh..<br />
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Anyway, even with all the hiccups and embarrassing moment, I'm still glad I went out daripada terkurung dalam bilik menangisi nasib hidup bersendirian. At least I got a story to tell, hah? ;)</div>
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-sarahintaipingland-</div>
mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-82024490147921995372015-01-09T23:45:00.003+13:002015-01-09T23:45:51.475+13:00Day 1<div style="text-align: justify;">
Familiarity and being familiar is a privilege</div>
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And I only realize that when I am the outsider</div>
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Today was the day when I started working at my new school</div>
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For your info, I was dreading about this since I knew I got to be transferred here</div>
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Not to be grateful or anything, I mean I am glad I am now only a driving distance from my hometown (although it still takes 3 hours, and for the record, driving alone really sucks, and no amount of sing along songs that u've asked your brother to burn into the CD would help you stay awake. Keeping my focus on the road was a real challenge)</div>
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It's just that I really dont look forward to being the new thing in town.</div>
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Before today, I thought the thing that would make me uncomfortable is people giving me unwanted attention. Somehow being new you just stand out, no matter how bland you try to be. You become a curious thing, an unanswered mystery. Heh, I sure can be imaginative. Instead, today I realize that what I hate more than that is the unfamiliarity with others. As I watched my new housemate greeting her colleagues and asking questions about their holiday and chit chatting about the latest gossip in the media, I suddenly felt terribly lonely. I mean you only get to do that when you are close with them. As a new thing I just stood beside her trying my best to smile sweetly and secretly hoping people would give me some attention and just ask me about anything because I just couldnt stand being beside her and not knowing what to say to this group of people who are talking animatedly about the stuff I have totally no idea about. </div>
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During that time, I cant help wondering how it would be like if I am at my old workplace, during the first day of school. Surely I'll be the minah kepoh asking everyone about their cuti. I can almost guarantee you my voice would be one of the faintly visible ones while the Principal is giving a speech about the more serious but boring matter in front. I guess it just sucks not being able to be myself. Dont get me wrong, I know I can make friends easily, I talk a lot and I can crack a lot of stupid jokes (but only with friends that have the same level of jokes hehe) but I mean you can only do those stuffs when you're familiar with that person, right? </div>
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Therefore, right now, I am really missing all my familiar friends who know how I am like and accept me for what I really am. I am having the weekend all to myself. Since I find dining alone would make me look pathetic, I am so not looking forward to drive around the town miserably ordering take outs. </div>
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Cant wait to put this awkward phase behind me so I can get back to being my makcik kepoh self pronto! </div>
mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-20127286647246831902015-01-04T04:14:00.004+13:002015-01-04T04:14:52.956+13:002015. say a little prayer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Less tears more laughter please, that's all im praying for. Praying the same for everybody too <3 p=""><br /></3>mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-85449201929046266312014-11-20T21:12:00.000+13:002014-11-20T21:16:41.184+13:00the first to many other firsts<div style="text-align: justify;">
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So after becoming pretty much useless the whole day yesterday (it's only the first day of my break annnd I am already out of my wits!), today, I decided to do something I have never done before: watching movie at the cinema all by myself.. Upon announcing this on my instagram, I found out that actually, many of my friends have done this before, so what I am doing is not ground-breaking at all. haha..</div>
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But you see, you have to look at it from my perspective- I am the kind of person who would feel like a loser eating alone at a restaurant, would feel like the loneliest girl on the planet if I have to go window shopping on my own, would feel suffocated not talking to anyone for more than 2 hours. That's just the way I am. I hate being alone in whatever situation I am in (well, except for when I am obsessing over something embarassing muahahaa). So me deciding to try this out is actually an achievement for me, haha, no matter how small it may seem to others.</div>
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So, the verdict? Well apart from I struggled a bit holding the drink, my popcorn and my hotdog on my own (no problem, just request for a plastic bag) and when I went to the toilet I have no one to ask for about what had I missed in the film, it was all good and empowering, even. I was able to concentrate better, plus I dont have to worry about what other people think of the movie after I suggested it at the first place. I watched Interstellar. To be honest, there are some things that I did not really understand, but again, no problem, I just continued watching and made a mental point to ask others about it later. So others who have free time while your friends or your family members do not, dont worry, just go to the movie and watch it alone. It's still very enjoyable too (granted the movie is nice laa)</div>
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Now, about the movie interstellar? If you are the kind of person who love movie which makes you still think about it even days after it ends, if you're into the outer-space stuff and its wonders, this is the movie for you. I've always loved and fascinated on things universe-related and I've always loved the movie that left me a bit unsettled, so I found the movie really nicee.</div>
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Just one bad thing after watching the movie, though: it makes my job as a teacher and my life on earth sooo much boring in comparison. Hahah.</div>
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Here's to the first of many other firsts. Next aim: to join a volunteer work (this one unnerve me a bit, it's always easier when you do stuff alone, instead of needing to communicate with strangers. hoho.. wish me luck!)</div>
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ssar</div>
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-inkelanajayaland-</div>
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mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-14496353068236161632014-11-09T23:13:00.002+13:002014-11-09T23:15:31.866+13:00Real Vs AppearanceWhat people show you<br />
Is what they want you to think about them<br />
A happy picture does not equal to a happy life<br />
Likewise<br />
Not posting happy stuff<br />
Does not mean they're not having the time of their life<br />
<br />
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any other social networks<br />
Have helped people to create the world of façade<br />
Create the medium to shape of how they want people to think of them<br />
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But it is impossible to be happy all the time you know, impossible.<br />
The life you advertise<br />
If it's not really what it is<br />
Sooner or later its going to crumble<br />
People will be able to see behind your mask anyway<br />
Would be able to see that:<br />
"Well, you dont have that perfect life too. You're not untouchable or invincible, just like any other human"<br />
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Knowing that,<br />
stop comparing yourself to others who you think "have it all"<br />
who you think "sadness cant touch them"<br />
Cause it's not true<br />
Just because they dont display their pain doesnt mean they dont experience one<br />
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Live your own life to the fullest<br />
Take risk and be brave enough to fall, to hurt, to cry<br />
Take risk and to try<br />
Take risk and to fly<br />
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As long as you have God as your wings,<br />
You wont die in futile<br />
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(a poem, [poem ke nihh?] inspired by my stalking on instagram) hehe<br />
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sarah_mukahland<br />
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<br />mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-83384630402953234522014-10-29T01:57:00.000+13:002014-10-29T01:57:01.637+13:00our life has changedAnd I think i finally have to accept that i've lost you<br />
What used to bind us together: our dreams, our fears, has disappeared<br />
u've achieved ur dreams<br />
u no longer have things to fear<br />
and im still here, still here<br />
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Sorry if i stay away<br />
I need time to be okay<br />
to finally digest the fact that we're worlds apart now,<br />
No matter what you say<br />
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Truly, Im not sad u're happy<br />
im just sad for me<br />
but this test, it is fated to be<br />
If it is custom made for me<br />
There's high chance i, too will get my victory <br />
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S.s<br />
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<br />mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-74161504144477241152014-09-29T04:25:00.000+13:002014-09-29T04:26:50.095+13:00letter to future self<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHiFm6xyVWdHRMEdT1Zvzb5PqmigRFMBELR887lP9CmxvDSiA6pI52PkxIB96Dc_rYdMAtT7T19Wur5l0TZlM0kHKlgleooTDRhwEs8qhkhU55uAjwl-axO-ieP9YPIuLAOQsM0v4sTQ/s1600/IMG_20140928_231011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHiFm6xyVWdHRMEdT1Zvzb5PqmigRFMBELR887lP9CmxvDSiA6pI52PkxIB96Dc_rYdMAtT7T19Wur5l0TZlM0kHKlgleooTDRhwEs8qhkhU55uAjwl-axO-ieP9YPIuLAOQsM0v4sTQ/s1600/IMG_20140928_231011.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">yes. I still make grammar mistakes sometimes. But i can self-correct</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I will be fine<br />
give me timemizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-45028190282461345512014-09-03T13:29:00.002+12:002014-09-03T13:29:42.738+12:00semogaApapun yang terjadi<br />
Berjalanlah tanpa henti<br />
Air mata tertahan<br />
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan<br />
<br />
Nanti kita kan tahu<br />
Betapa bijaknya hidup<br />
Sepahit apapun ini<br />
Pelajaran yang berarti<br />
<br />
Semoga<br />
Pemergianmu<br />
tak akan mengubah apa pun<br />
<br />
Semoga<br />
Mampu ku lawan<br />
Kesepianku<br />
<br />
<i>Tetiba out of nowhere this song came into my mind today. Siti Nurhaliza-Melawan kesepian</i>mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-50535862472149939642014-08-25T01:36:00.001+12:002014-08-25T01:36:47.483+12:00a letter to YouThis feeling im feeling right now<br />
Nobody knows it or understands it as much as You do<br />
Talking about it to others will not help because they dont have the solution like You do<br />
I am so not worthy of Your love and Your aid, so far from it<br />
this sinful slave that I am,<br />
I am truly nothing to You<br />
I dont even feel I have the right to ask anything from You<br />
after all that I have done<br />
<br />
but still, still I hope<br />
as You are the Most forgiving and the Most Merciful ones<br />
and Your love is the kind where it covers everyone, regardless the saint or the sinner<br />
help me face this trial<br />
show me the way<br />
as You hold the answer to everything<br />
and You own the ultimate strength<br />
help me, guide me, assure me<br />
I am not in the position to ask anything<br />
but please Ya Rabb, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim<br />
Despite of my sins and mistakes, <br />
Can you overlook that and aid me?<br />
<br />mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-82230333109487401282014-08-15T04:32:00.001+12:002014-08-15T04:32:23.451+12:00crashed downEverytime when I got overexcited over something<br />
I ended up came crashing down<br />
<br />
but being myself<br />
I cant help it, it's my nature<br />
i am easily hyped<br />
when i am excited, happy, jubilant, i cant help but express it<br />
But often it resulted to sadness and disappointment<br />
<br />
need a better restrain over yourself, sarahmizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-80506784971975962182014-08-13T12:14:00.000+12:002014-08-13T12:14:36.015+12:00DreamingSome people said, if you're having a good dream, dont share it to others because it wont be a reality.. do you think that's true?<br />
<br />
Ive been the having the same dream two days in a row now. Have i been wanting it that much? I mean its not like i have been really thinking about it.<br />
<br />
And at some point of the dream i will realise that i am actually dreaming so i force myself to wake up. Realising its just a dream makes me feel pathetic. I dont know if anyone could relate, but i kind of hate myself from having to dream about it.<br />
<br />
On a different note, maybe tu gangguan syaitan. Sapa suruh tidur lepas subuh kan. Haha<br />
<br />mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-10162690562984268082014-07-21T02:45:00.002+12:002014-07-21T02:45:35.683+12:00i am leaving <div style="text-align: justify;">
I've had enough.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And I dont think I can take it anymore. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am only passively viewing the FB and ive already felt exhausted. I cant imagine how it is like for those who are in the battleground day in and day out =(</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
At least for the time being. I need to stay away and take a breather before I can stand to look at those increasingly horrific pictures of children and women being slaugtered as if they dont mean anything</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
as if they do not deserve living</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
but the thing that I cannot stand more is my helplessness in changing how things are.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I felt guilty I dont or cannot do more to help.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sure,I have donated, I am all in for boycotting, I tried to spread awareness whenever I could, I prayed every single time I did my prayers, but I dont think it will stop the killing anytime soon.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
it's heartbreaking, it can drive anyone crazy thinking how evil human could be. How could them? How could? Arent they humans too? Dont they have someone they love too?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sure there are thousands of people worldwide that are outraged by the atrocity committed by them, people protesting left and right, boycotting campaigning all they could but the Israelis obviously dont care even if the whole world is hating them. Why would they care when they are being backed up by the super power of the world, the so called "world police" (when the crime they've committed made them worthy of being called an international criminal). And even the Muslim leaders are keeping mum over what is happening to their own brothers and sisters, for being scared of losing their own interests.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Who do we ultimately can turn to, then, the one who has more power than those Jews and USA? It's possible that no human in this world has the power to stop the atrocity committed by them, but as Muslim we have to have faith that no one is more powerful than Allah.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If that is so, why there is still no help then, you might ask. Doesn't Allah love the muslims? Well, doesn't Allah love His prophet- Nabi Muhammad peace be upon him, the most? But didnt he face trial and difficulties as well? Dont you remember the time when Allah recorded the feeling of almost losing hope by the people back then in the Quran:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said 'When will the help of Allah [come] ?" (2:214)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And Allah answered this simply "<strong style="background-color: #f1f1f1; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21.600000381469727px; text-align: -webkit-center;">“<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Unquestionably</span>, the help of Allah is near.” </strong><span style="background-color: #f1f1f1; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21.600000381469727px; text-align: -webkit-center;">(Qur’an </span><a href="http://quran.com/2/214" style="background-color: #f1f1f1; border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #154a7f; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: 700; line-height: 21.600000381469727px; text-align: -webkit-center; text-decoration: none;">2:214</a><span style="background-color: #f1f1f1; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21.600000381469727px; text-align: -webkit-center;">)"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yes, Allah will push us until all hope is lost until all we can turn to is to no one, but Him. One true pure dependence to the Creator, and not Creation. But knowing this and just waiting for His help is not enough too since Allah also has said:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves" (13:11)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Therefore, think about it, in the conflict between the Palestinian and the Zionist, who are this 'people' who need to change? Is it the Palestinians alone? Or is it including us, all Muslims? The answer is very clear. The responsibility in protecting the sacred place is not the Palestinians' alone, but also every Muslim's. Then dont you think that there is the possibility that the victory is still not ours because most of the muslims are still far from Allah, still refusing to change what is in themselves!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It really hits me today that re-posting pictures and news about Palestin is not enough. I am probably spreading pictures and posts to people who are already sympathetic to the Palestinian. I am powerless to urge the leaders of the countries to do something about the Palestinian (why would they even care?) but I realized today that I can change myself to be a better muslim, and I can help others to know Allah more too. Although I have slowed down in my the tarbiyah's activity after Ive started working, (being more of a receiver rather than the giver) it doesnt mean I cant start that all over again. There is a reason Allah chose me to be a Muslim, there is a reason Allah made me know about halaqah, there is a reason Allah blessed me with the ability to approach people easily. This might be a long road but I have faith in Allah's promises 100%. I believe when there is more people who come back to true Islam, that is when the time when the Muslims will really win, the time when Allah's help will descent. That will be the time when Palestine will be truly free.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I know that whatever that comes out from my mouth or through my writing will be tested. So please dear friend, make a lot of doa's for me. That I will stay true to my promise. Lets strive to be a better person, every single day insyaAllah. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So there. I am leaving the Facebook for a while (well ok, not really leaving, it's more like signing out for a while), not because I have given up on the Palestinian cause, but I am signing out so I can do something more productive to help them, instead of crying helplessly. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
From the river to the sea, Palestine, no doubt, will be free. (It's Allah's promise)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
mizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2836388539436073177.post-3721373278919766102014-06-21T21:40:00.001+12:002014-06-21T21:40:56.433+12:00it is a house, but its not a homeIt is a house<br />
but its not a home<br />
<br />
how could it be<br />
when they're rarely home<br />
<br />
and even when they are<br />
Theres no difference<br />
just stone figures<br />
lack of emotions<br />
<br />
it is a house<br />
but its not a home<br />
<br />
where laughter are scarce<br />
filled with occupied silence<br />
they're with the laptops<br />
u're with the phones<br />
We're seating side by side<br />
but no communication<br />
<br />
it used to be a house<br />
and also a home<br />
<br />
where the father played and joked around with the children<br />
The mother smiled satisfiedly of her achievement with the goods hot from the oven<br />
The children laughed giddily and thought 'God, this must be heaven!'<br />
<br />
if I could<br />
I would<br />
I would turn back time<br />
make it frozen<br />
that moments of happiness<br />
too fleeting, too short, too priceless<br />
but it moves like a current<br />
that will keep moving and moving<br />
away and away out of reach<br />
like a forever gone companionmizzshainahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00936868171429054748noreply@blogger.com1