the chocolate and coffee of my life

die a thousand times

2012-01-21T19:12:00.000+13:00

how come we start being selfish
when did we stop caring for others

im dying thousand times because of you
and everytime it is a slow and painful death

we do not know the future
but I can already tell you your end if you choose to go down that road
you will not die happy
you will regret it
you will keep saying "if only I did not make that decision, if only"
you will keep wondering how happy your life would be if only you have chosen to be steadfast instead of succumbing to your selfish stupid desire

please, dont choose that.

and dont easily blame it on fate when human is blessed with free will
and guess what,decisions made that by free will, will be questioned later in akhirah
and you can never easily just answer "Because it's fated"

stop hurting people like this, because soon, very soon, you'll get hurt
Allah is testing you, seeing you
and it seems like you are failing miserably without you realizing it

I promise you
if you choose that road
I will definitely, definitely fare you well
and will not thank you for the memories

p/s- how did we get so estranged?

Sarah The Poet

2012-01-15T05:18:00.003+13:00

I hate making decisions.
Unfortunately, being a teacher involves making decisions. LOTS of them.

I am teaching the students poem-writing next week. They have to write 5 types of poem: acrostic, 3 word poem, 9 word poem, metaphor, and a concrete poem. If i am a student having to do this stuff next week I think I am going to be excited and just have fun in the class writing those poems. But no, I am going there as a teacher, and just knowing what to teach does not mean my job is over. The things I am still worry about are:

What type of grouping is better in creating those poems (individual, partnership, or groupworks?)
How do I group them in the most interesting way?
How do I sequence the lesson (ask Ss to present after finishing each poem or let them to finish all the poems first and then present last?)
What is the best way for them to present the poems? (write on board or mahjong paper or in A4 stapled together?)
What if they are quite slow in thinking (because obviously Malaysian kids are not that used to writing poems) they could not come out with anything? How do I urge them?
And many more

Since my brain had quite a break from thinking this past few months, all this push for thinking is causing it to be in shock. HAHA. Ok mengarut.

Anyway, I am not complaining (well at least I think so). I just want to see in words what ive been worrying about so I can actually see and figure it out, if u know what I mean.

But actually im also trying hard to psycho myself about "PLANNING IS FUN!!"

Nah, I actually tried to create some of the poems myself:

Acrostic poem:

Amazingly

Romantic

And

Heroic

Wahahaha

3-word Poem

Lovers

Look

Longingly

9-word Poem (1-2-3-2-1)

smiles brightly

to everyone everywhere

who appreciates

Metaphor

Love is a seed

It needs fertilizer and care

To keep it growing

[HAHA I must admit. quite lame laa this one]

Why dont u guys try one to keep the creative juice flowing? Its kinda fun u know.. hehe

p/s- "cuti panjang sudah habis, bro"

To be better, you must make an effort

2012-01-11T15:06:00.000+13:00

Sometimes, Allah shows us the doors that can lead us into being a better person, a better place to be in, but always, its always up to us to decide whether to open the doors, and step into the better place, or to stay in the same place we are in, because we thought it is comfortable enough. But being always comfortable is not always a good thing, just as the saying goes "no pain no gain", being a better person also means we need to make an effort to be one, even if it means leaving our comfort zone.

This was what happening to me. I was getting too comfortable in my comfort zone.

After I came back from New Zealand six months ago, for some reason I did not have the opportunity to attend usrah like I used to. And somehow after the time goes by I started to feel like I was fine without it. I was too busy finishing my practicals with tons of lesson plans to do and when I came home during the weekends all I wanted to do was rest rest and rest. I thought I wouldnt have time to attend usrah. It was just too busy. But by doing that I have actually hurt myself, maybe not literally but spiritually. I have started to drift off with dunya, and I can feel that I have actually been infested by the Futur disease. Maksud futur:

terputus langsung setelah bersikap konsisten dan berhenti selepas aktif bergerak
sikap malas, melambat-lambatkan dan bertangguh dalam keadaan dulunya sentiasa pantas dan efisien

(definition taken from http://benkareem.blogspot.com/2009/11/gejala-futur-di-medan-dakwah.html )

One of the signs that you are experiencing futur is when someone asks you to do something relating to dakwah or tarbiyah, you can feel this feeling of dread inside of you. In simple term, you just start to feel lazy and you tend to give a lot of excuses that you think is strong enough to make you escape those invitations when actually deep down you know that you just dont want to do it.

That is what happened to me, I lost focus but escaping usrah does not keep me from being any happier either. I was experiencing this spiritual void, and the feeling of guilty is always there. No amount of entertainment can keep me satisfied and I was always anxious. I really really missed the feeling of tranquility Ive experienced during my times in New Zealand. I was so busy back then attending and handling usrah but thinking about it in retrospective, I know my heart was at peace back then, knowing that I am doing something that pleases Allah.

Even in the deteriorating state of iman I kept praying that Allah will still guide me no matter how much I have sinned and may Allah give me another chance to experience what I have experienced back then in New Zealand. Although sometimes I am too ashamed with myself to pray for anything to God I still remember the hadith Qudsi that talks about to never lose hope to the mercy of Allah:

" O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filing it"

And Allah has answered my prayer in many ways:

I came across an article someone posted on FB and when I read it I felt as if the article was written just for me. With the condition I was in at that time it was just the right article that can slap me awake from my reverie. Reading the article also made me realized that I am not, by all means, alone in experiencing Futur. It is a common problem and it is never too late to turn back.
One of my friends who came back for a semester break from New Zealand invited me to go to this kind of usrah camp. I hesitated at first, afraid that I would be out of place there with all those group of people who is hard-core usrah campaigner but I pushed all that negative thoughts aside, knowing that I really need this pengisian after so long. I owe that that to myself

About the camp. Well to tell the truth, I was quite disappointed at first to find out that there was more outdoor activities than activities that is more soul-enriching in nature such as talks and the likes. I had to go through mud-tracking in the middle of the night (I was glad there was no leeches involved), kayaking and struggling like a granny on a high rope (my armpit muscle hurt like crazy the next day).

But actually it is not necessary to learn something from a formal talk or speech. Sometimes you still can learn something just from talking to someone who had gone the same experience such as you or through some sketch (lakonan) during the Malam Kebudayaan. So especially to Ernie, Sha and Erin, this is what I managed to pick up from the sharing session:

"Masa itu ibarat pedang, jika kamu tidak menggunakannya, ia akan melukakanmu". Sometimes bukan kita takde masa nak usrah. Its just that kita taknak memperuntukkan masa. If we are honest with ourselves we know that if we try, we can actually make time for at least 2 hours in a week to study something that would benefit us later on on judgement day. We have 24 hours a day, and its up to us whether to spend the time untuk benda benda yang boleh membawa kita ke syurga, or spend the time untuk benda2 yang boleh mendekatkan kita dengan neraka
Nak seribu daya, taknak seribu dalih. Indeed. Jangan biasakan diri dengan alasan, jujur dengan diri sendiri.
Bila futur, jangan give up, sebaiknya berbincang dengan orang lain and minta nasihat dan yang paling utama doa banyak2 dengan Allah minta ditetapkan
Bila time busy, set jadual untuk penuhi hak semua orang, either untuk tarbiyah, family, diri sendiri etc.
Always cuba letakkan tarbiyah and dakwah kat tempat yang pertama, insyaAllah benda2 lain akan jadi mudah.

And ni adalah dari observation aku- kebanyakan kakak2 yang da lama balik for good tu, even though sibuk dengan kerja and family, ada anak-anak semuanya, diorang still amik masa untuk join program. Satu similarity yang aku boleh perasan ialah diorang ni semua muka muka tenang je. Haha

Bila aku tanya kak Affiza ape sebenarnya yang bantu dia untuk stay atas jalan ni adalah anak anak dia. Dia kata dia yakin dengan bantu agama Allah, Allah akan jaga family dia.

AND last but not least, dah kat Malaysia ni tak boleh harap orang Malaysia duk contact kita. Diorang tak terkejar sebab diorang pun bz. Kita sendiri kene make an effort kalau betul nak continue dengan usrah. And when I look at it, in a way Allah is also actually testing us to see whether we would make an effort to stay in contact with the source that can heightens our understanding of our own deen, or not. In the end, its our choice=)

Sorry for the long post. Havent been writing since forever and my last entry was such a negative one. In future I hope to write more beneficial stuffs as I am actually the one who benefited the most from writing this- I am actually first and foremost reminding myself!

p/s- one of the things I have noticed is once when I have started improving my relationship with Allah, Allah has blessed me with a lot of things. Still waiting to be interviewed by MARA and then for posting that is I dont know when, I am almost totally broke right now. Suddenly yesterday my mentor during practicals from MRSM KKB texted me and asked me if I am interested to be a replacement teacher for a while at the old school. That means I got to earn some money and also sharpen my teaching skills that has been quite rusty since I had a long break. Not bad for a good news dont you think?

Alhamdulillah ya Allah=))

Sorry seems to be the hardest word? Huh, what a joke. Some people say it easily

2011-11-10T02:28:00.000+13:00

Gun Jun Pyo, a character in Boys Over Flowers always said this: "If sorry can solve anything, why then we need the police?"

When I first encountered this scene, I cant help but say "What an arrogant jerk. Do you think you are really that great that you cannot accept a sincere apology?". But you know what, after what happened today, I must admit that this pompous guy has a point. If hearing a sorry is enough, why is it I dont feel like forgiving that person at all?

Look, there are times when you can forgive people as long as they say sorry.

Example 1.0: When a person accidentally bumped into your shoulder. You might feel annoyed at first on why that person is rushing as though a tiger is chasing his ass, but when he look at you with a sheepish and apologetic smile and say "Oops, sorry!" you might feel better all over again and forgive him just like that

Example 2.0: Your bestfriend is frustrated about something and you, being the unlucky person who happened to be in the same room was yelled at only because you are trying to make light of the situation. Of course is not fair, why is that you have to be the punching bag right? But when she came to her senses and said sorry I think as much as you were hurt at that time, being the understanding person that you are you would probably forgive her, albeit grudgingly. After all, you guys are bestfriends.

but compare the situation with this:

Example 1.1: When a motorcycle accidentally bumped into your car. Can you just let him go if he just say "Sorry! It was an accident!!". Of course not. Of course he has to pay right?

Example 2.1: Your younger brother is short tempered and is like a time bomb. Even the smallest thing can jerk him off and unleash the ugly angry monster in him. This is not the first time that he had said hurtful things, with a very loud voice, yelling at the top of his lungs, threaten to hit you in the face with his fist, never mind that you are the older sister. This brother only treasure you when he wants something from you but when you asked him to return the favour, you would feel as if you are a beggar, begging for mercy. He has made you cry so many time and when he has cool down he would come to you and said "Sorry, I know I was wrong". Would the sorry be enough to erase all the hurtful things he has said to you? Would the sorry be enough to compensate for the pain when he violently pushed your head that you almost get knocked to the door?

You said you would change, but of course you cant change. You have proven that. I feel so stupid for believing in you. In the end you are just a selfish selfish jerk.

And I hate this one thing about myself, I cant hold my anger for long. Of course people might see it is as a good thing but its just that when I start caring again I would get hurt all over again, 10 times worse.

I guess my main point is this, when you say sorry, please mean it, and try your best not to repeat that same mistake. If you have to say sorry many times to that same person do you think that person can forgive you that easily? We are not angels, we have feelings and sometimes just to protect our feelings we choose to stop caring. And be careful when we stop caring, when we stop caring it means that we stop loving.

Treat other people like you want yourself to be treated. PLEASE.

my problem

2011-10-11T02:39:00.000+13:00

i have problem saying no to people

which sometimes put me in a really difficult situation

"No I dont want to! Just because I dont want to! And no I have no reason or justification to say no to your request, any problem?"

if only I can say that right at their faces

but
I
cant

When you being special is an understatement=)

2011-09-27T16:13:00.000+13:00

Today is the day where someone very special to me was born, 24 years ago (woah umur makcik ;p)
She is my best friend: Miss Ernie Syahida

So nah, a present, a special poem specially picked for you:

Friends like us

Friend like us dont need to see each other everyday

no matter how long its been since we were last together,

we just pick up right where we left off

Friends like us dont need to ask for help

we just know that we'll always be there for each other,

anytime anywhere.

Friends like us dont need to apologize for our bad days or our bad moods

we just understand that life isnt always the brightest

and we take turns to cheering each other up

Friends like us dont need to tell each other how much we care

we can just feel the strength of our friendship in our hearts

Friends like us..

are the very best kind of all

-Rachyl Taylor

nah, have your cake=D

Ernie Syahida,

I am one of the many people who are glad that you were born

Thank you for bringing the light and laughter into our lives

I pray that you will be blessed with happiness, good health, wisdom, prosperity, success and every good things in this world, and more so in hereafter

Semoga berjumpa prince charming yang beriman, kacak, tinggi dan kaya cepat cepat;p

Although I dont say this often,

I Love You my dear friend

and have a happy birthday!!

mmuahs<3

we look good together huh? *perasan*

p/s- I write this entry 3 days earlier as my school's internet connection...hmm paham2 je la haha.

Hello impersonator

2011-09-24T04:22:00.002+12:00

assalamualaikum

Hello Hello Helloooooo

Hi all

I know ive been quite quiet (ha hows that for a tongue twister, or even an eye twister? heheh), its just that living in the area where the phone coverage is almost non-existence, let alone having an internet connection is really not a good booster for blog-writing. Yup im back in Malaysia and right now I am doing my practical in MRSM Kuala Kubu Baru, a cute, peaceful and beautiful town where you can take a tour around the whole city in less than 10 minutes but I must admit it bores me to death. That is the reason I come back home once a week, just because I need to recharge myself and find the strength to continue fighting on, week in week out.

Anyway, the thing that has made me wanting to write again is because *surprise surprise* apparently i have been informed by one of my friends that somebody actually took pictures and entries from this blog and put it in her blog, as if that is her pictures and she is the one writing the entries. Ok to be honest I've actually read about this kind of thing before, in one of the blog im reading. One of the bloggers writes on how the story of how she met her future husband was totally being copied by this one girl (but she changed the pictures) as if it is her love story. But I never would have thought that someone would copy the entries from my blog, cause its not that great a blog anyway (I write merapu kerapu stuffs).

Now I totally understand why the blogger was pretty upset about her stories being stolen. True, there might not be a big harm being done to us by someone copying our writings. Looking at it in a different perspective, we should also be flattered that somebody somewhere in the world are wishing to lead the life we are leading that they are actually stealing our stories. But the thing about stealing the stories is that they actually mock our sincerity in writing those entries. When I read back my entries that she has chose to put into her blog as her entries, I feel upset because those were the entries I wrote when I was feeling really emotional (be it happy, upset, sad, excited, etc.), those were my entries about my loved ones-my family and my friends (how could you copy my whole entry about me missing my family and and put the pictures of your family instead?? Thats quite cheap dont you think?) and I wrote them from my heart. You might think it is so easy to pen anything in a blog but it was not easy for me. Its not often that I have something to say and when I do say its because it is something really meaningful to me. It is special, its my brainchild, no matter how stupid and menial it seems to others. What the blog theft is doing is not just stealing writings, she is actually cheapening the value of those memories.

And dont you think its weird too? Why would you need to have someone else's pictures in your blog to claim that it is you? Are you that unhappy with your life that you need to pretend that you are living in a different way? I only have one advice for you dear Miss Blog Theft if you are reading this, no matter how boring, uneventful you think your life is, it is the life that Allah has created for you, and the fact that we are alive as the most perfect creature (according to Quran) on this earth means that it is special enough. Having an interesting life does not have to mean you need to have an eventful life, day in day out, but it depends on how you look at it and how you appreciate the life you are having, every single day. Try writing your own entry, biarlah stupid pun, at least its your own entry, its something that belongs to you, and only you.

So there, I have said what I wanted to say. If u happened to read this dear Miss Blog Theft, I forgive you. But could you please please delete the pictures of me with my friends on your blog? They are my friends you know, not yours=) And thanks for copying the "about me" part. I took some time and thought hard for that and I thought its pretty lovely too (perasan) but I am sure you can come out with something as nicer or even nicer. One tip: do it from your heart.

Amik kau skali tulis panjang berjela jela. ngeh2. huwahh it feels great to write again=)

2011-07-13T17:39:00.000+12:00

".. Or maybe it was just that when people are lonely they cling to anything not to feel that way any more.."- The Book of Tomorrow, Cecilia Ahern

Maybe, just maybe thats what I've been doing all along

2011-06-29T12:38:00.000+12:00

dont judge a book by its cover

insyaAllah, this is for the best as Allah knows best=)

i dont wanna get fat (fatter). Sob

2011-06-20T20:04:00.003+12:00

assalamualaikum to all readerss(bajet. ceh mcm la ada orang baca pun)

anyway, here I am, writing this entry from the khatulistiwa (ape eh benda ni in english?) country- Malaysia oh tanah airkuu! I'm back, and its for good this time. I'm still finding it hard to digest that my time as a university student has finally over, i guess when its time for me to enter classrooms as a pratical teacher, only then I will realize that "this is it man, im an adult now"

its my fourth day in Malaysia now, and I think the activity that I have done the most is eating. Yes, eating eating and more eating. Since I have nothing else to do at home, to kill the boredom or to avoid more sleeping, I eat. Which is not a good thing considering that not only my mother is commenting that I am fat upon first seeing me at the airport, but also the mothers of my other friends (how is that for lowering your self esteem?). Tapi rasanya mengembang sbb pressure dalam kapal terbang la. Kaki and tangan semua jadi mcm swollen (alasan lagi).Haha. It has made me scared of going out in case I will meet my old friends, and receiving the same comment. I am also trying to brace myself from future comments that I would definitely get from my relatives soon enough when I get the chance to meet them. HUAAAAAA.

To tell you the truth its not like I wasnt aware how much weight I've been gaining during my stay in NZ (blame NZ for making me fat!) but its just that people are not commenting as much there as they are seeing me on regular basis, so they are not really aware of my proses pengembangan. Obviously that is not the case for people who havent seen for quite a while. Huaaa sempat ke nak kurus before jumpa sedara mara (berangan. joging pun malas). Takpe, berusaha!

You know one thing I actually have been wanting to talk about (related to my homecoming) is how touched I was by the love and care people had actually bestowed on me during my stay in NZ. And ive only realized that when I was about to leave NZ. I had people who honestly feel saddened by the thought of me leaving, who actually cried at the airport as we are hugging for the last time. And I am totally humbled by the experience because I feel that I honestly dont deserve their love. I havent really done a lot for them, and I dont think I've been a very good friend, or a sister to them but they still place me as a significant someone on their heart. and everytime I though of this, I am reminded to this ayaah:

"dan ingatlah nikmat Allah ke atas kamu ketika dulunya kamu saling bermusuhan maka Allah telah menyatukan hati - hati kamu, lalu dengan nikmat Allah itu kamu bersaudara sedang kamu telah berada di jurang api neraka, lantas Allah menyelamatkan kamu daripadanya. Demikianlah dijelaskan oleh Allah kepada kamu ayat - ayatNya, mudah - mudahan kamu beroleh petunjuk" [Ali Imran: 103]

Indeed, the one who connects our hearts is Allah. Kalau aku tak join usrah dulu, mungkin tak tergerak pun nak kenal orang2 lain selain dari clique sendiri. Tapi Alhamdulillah, through usrah I dont only get friends who would love me because of Allah, but sisters for life insyaAllah..And I'm really grateful and thankful for that Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. I will always remember you guys as long as Allah allows me to.

Thank you thank you thank you for all your love.

oh sarah anda sungguh random. tajuk lain cerita lain

nah gmbr gadis gemuk:

tak lupa juga, gmbr2 orang yang dikasihi yang ditinggalkan:

last but not least, gmbr makanan kegemaran di restoran kegemaran (ok ni tiba-tiba)

ok bye.

2011-05-27T12:38:00.000+12:00

humans, we are vulnerable creature

we are, believe it or not, we have too many things at stake which often is, beyond our control.

but of course as human, we tend to forgot that. we think we are invincible. we think nothing can hurt us. but do u know just one stroke of fate by Allah can change your life in a blink of an eye?

we can count how many times actually in a day we truly remember Allah. If we are honest we'll admit that even while praying our mind wanders away

but in adversity and in desperate times, we WILL for sure remember Him

we can count how many minutes in a day we remember Allah (if we are really honest, we'll admit that we even think of something else when we are praying), but in desperate times, we'll always, always come back to Allah and pray hard for His help.

only in times of adversity (death, natural disaster, etc.) we will, for sure remember how powerful He is, and how very weak, powerless, vulnerable we are, to go against the fate that has been stored for us

may we be amongst those who wont only remember Him when we are in difficulties, and may we always be strong in facing His trials in life

simple things that make me happy

2011-05-26T23:10:00.000+12:00

you know, just like my sister, I think there is also a possibility that I too, might have attention deficit disorder. Concentrating on one thing is so so hard for me. Anyhow, tonight I am trying very diligently to complete all the task that I have planned to do (where I listed all in a paper and make a point to tick each one when I'm done). But just a little escapism before I start on studying for my test, look what have made me very happy today!!:

"Shimmering with glitter these cards are sure to impress" (and so they claim)

aww pretty sweet dont you think (ke aku je yang perasan). Boleh buat kad invitation bertunang (tetibe. HAHA)

the middle one is my favourite!

I bought it at warehouse stationary. It was a really good bargain (10 dolars for 24 cards, so around 42 cents each). Crazy cheap huh? Each box has 6 different designs and I think there were 36 different designs all together. It was all so pretty it was really hard to make up my mind I end up buying 2 boxes of this (I think its worth it cause im happyy).

Ok. Iklan tamat. Sarah, sila sambung buat kerja

deeper conversation

2011-05-26T20:41:00.003+12:00

im sorry i was emotional in the last post and leaving it kind of hanging and make people wondered wat it was all about. It just so happen that the night before my birthday my youngest sister, sofea, wrote a comment on my FB wall saying "Kak sarah sofea dah ada blog" and leaving a link. I was like "What?? She is only 9 years old and already having a blog?".

Ironically, how she chose to name the blog link is kind of similar to what I have been jokingly asking (or maybe forcing haha) people to call me all this while: "Sarah the queen". But of course instead of that, the bloglink was "sofeathequeen.blogspot.com". Like sister like sister huh? Anyhow, if you try that link now, you wont find anything anymore as for some reason she might have deleted it (im not sure why or what actually happened)

Surprisingly, the main header for the blog (e.g. in my blog its "the chocolate and coffee of my life"), for her it was "fixing my heart". Quite a sad name for a blog dont you think? That was what I thought at first but as I read her first entry I finally understood why she chose that name. While seemingly sounding cheerful at the start, saying hello to the world and introducing her blog she then moves on to how her day was. (Im quite proud of her English actually. For a 9 years old who barely speak English at home her English was quite good, with minimal mistakes here and there). Her day was half bad half good, she wrote. On that day one of her friends refuse to be friend with her anymore, and said that she is crazy. The boys are calling her names (I forgot what it was but its obvious that she did not like it).

If this is your little sister's writing how would you feel? Imagine my feeling at that time. I was sad and angry reading it (I so happened reading it near to 12 am on 13th of May, bad timing really as my friends was all prepared to celebrate my birthday with a surprise birthday cake).

What I dont really always talk about (as talking about it might cause people to have negative impression on her when she is one of the smartest 9 year olds girl I have ever known), is my sister was actually diagnosed with ADD which cause her to be more impulsive, talk without really thinking first, inability to pay attention for a long time,which actually cant be really good for your social life. We werent aware of this at first. It was her kindergarten teacher who pointed this out. Apparently she had found it strange that sofea had refused to sit still in class and learn (she walks all around the class) but everytime she asked sofea a question, she said sofea always manage to answer her correctly, despite of her being inattentive (if attentive means you have to sit still and look straight at the teacher). My mum then proceed to do a check up and the doctor confirms this. I am not sure of this but I instinctively think my mum dont really believe this. I guess its hard to accept your child has some kind of problems.

But please, don't let my revelation about her state change how you see her. She might has ADD but she is not stupid. If you want to know, she managed to figure out my laptop's password (which I have changed earlier as it is annoying to wake up every morning with her already ransacking my laptop as if its her own) just by looking at the clue (I dont think the clue was that easy either. I felt so angry and stupid at the same time having made a fool by my younger sister. Haha).She might seem to ignore you when you're talking to her but she's the most empathetic person I have ever know (she cried watching "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs" when watching the scene which revealed that a seemingly uncaring father actually was very proud of his son. And sofea was ashamed to admit this and said it was because "habuk masuk mata". yeah rite.)

So no, I am not asking for pity here. I just want to vent my frustration at how easy people bully and label others, forgetting that the people who they bully are someone special to their families too. Before you bully, or say something hurtful, remembers what if other people are doing the same thing to your loved ones, how would you feel?

At times like this, I cant help but feel what a better place this world would be, if only everyone starts following the Prophet's sunnah which is to love others as much as you love yourself.

As narrated by Bukhari:

"None of you will truly believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself"

I cant always change the way of thinking and behaviour of others, but you know what, I absolutely can change myself. So thats what I would do, I vow to treat others as to how I want them to treat me. And I vow to emphasize this again and again with my students when I will finally become a teacher. I cant turn back time and save sofea from the hurt, but I certainly would try to save others from the same pain.

InsyaAllah, I promise.

what are u calling my sister again?

2011-05-13T01:04:00.000+12:00

telling a 9 years old girl that she has mental problem is NOT OK
calling her a name that she doesn't like is NOT OK

dont mess with my sister please. you mess with her you mess with me

stay strong sofea. I got your back girl

DEADline ke DATEline ek

2011-05-06T22:57:00.001+12:00

zalim: tidak meletakkan sesuatu pada tempatnya, not placing something where it belongs

that is what I have been doing all this time along. I realized this as I was climbing the killer hill, on the way to the university. As I walk as fast I could at and make it a ritual to glance at my watch every seconds or so to make sure I can get on time to hand in the assignment (deadline: 4 p.m. finish time: 3.20p.m. went out from house: 3.30 p.m), I cant help but hate myself for once again putting me in this situation- knowing that I did not really do well in the assignment. .And like every single time, I wonder what went wrong. Why was I so slow in finishing up the assignment. Its not like I just started the night before. Others has started later than me but still manage to finish the assignment earlier. Why sarah, why?

Its because I have been zalim to myself and to the time that I had.

You know, the things about knowing your deadline means you can actually plan when you can start the assignment, or if you think like me (which I really regret by the way), it allows you to know how much time you have to procrastinate before you really have to start concentrate doing it. And you know what happened when you are only able to concentrate when you really have no extra time left? You'll end up still typing furiously whatever that you hope make sense to the marker, 30 minutes before the due time.

Well, at least I did manage to hand it in before 4 but I guess Im leaving it to chance whether Chris Bowden would like it or not. Uggh, how I wrote the conclusion still haunts me! Huhu

But you know what, there are actually bigger and more important deadline than assignments that all us human have. The thing about this deadline is you dont really know when. But its certain for everyone.

Yep. It's death

We dont really know when our time will be up, when will our breath stop, when we will be passed on to the next world, but we always have the tendency to think "well, insyaAllah, lambat lagi kuttt" "nanti tua2 sikit kutt" "takkan la mati kejap lagi aku sihat je lagi ni" that we don't really start preparing for it. We tend to have this idea that we can change to being a better Muslim when we get old, but we forgot that we cant really guarantee we would able to get there, we forgot that we cant even guarantee we would be able to take in the next breath.

And well, even if we do get to a ripe old age, can we guarantee that we would be able to perform satisfactorily, with quality (remember about doing last minute assignment?) and if its enough to guarantee you an A+, a pass to Jannah and an escape from the hell fire? Tepuk dada tanyela selera ~~makan~~

Maka,marilah sama-sama mengrefleksi diri. Adakah kita sudah cukup bersedia untuk deadline yang pasti itu? Adakah sure akan dapat buku rekod amal yang A+ di akhirat nanti? Tak sure kan sarah? Maka berusaha buat amal banyak-banyak lagi, tinggalkan yang tidak patut. Boleh insyaAllah, berusaha!!

I hope by writing this down and being reflective I would be a better students next time, and a better servant to Allah, insyaAllah. Go Go Sarah!! U can do it!!

dont sleep yet, reminisce and smile

2011-04-28T01:06:00.003+12:00

celebrating yuyu's bday. duduk tgh feeling2 mcm diri sendiri punye bday la pulak kan -_-'

rakan camera ku susah dan senang. haha

dely si fashionista, erin si gadis rempit (but the spec really does suit you), sha si gadis senyum selalu;p

with the bday girl yang enggan bergaya walaupun di bday sendiri. dan cik sha's devil choc cupcake yg mantap

gadis gadis sadis bila bershopping

bergaya ala2 bahu terpleot

leme leme ipod application. im so having fun with other people's ipod. im still wondering if i shud get one. or if i can even afford to have one T_T

Thanks dely for being patient with me. heheh

being sick is no fun, but..

2011-04-22T00:10:00.000+12:00

the ever growing bisul and toothache. wat a combination. and wat a way to spend your easter break huh?

but im not trying to moan and complain about that in this entry. (at least I'm trying very hard not to)

you know, although being sick (in anyway) is no fun, Allah has created sickness for a reason (like everything else that He has created in this world of course). Being in this condition right now, I can think of few good things that sickness does bring:

It taught you to appreciate things that you always take for granted, especially health. Now that I am unable to shut my mouth properly because the gum in my mouth is swollen which makes chewing impossible, I cant really enjoy the food. (Of course la, bayangkan kene telan semua benda sbb x boleh kunyah, wuwu). Back in the old days when all is fine, teeth is something I hardly think about. Now it is ALL I think about. Amazing huh how something so small and usually deemed insignificant can affect a human's life in a big way? See, sickness makes you think about all this things and made you realize about how blessed we are actually to be able to do things as simple as eating. Because no, it is not that simple, it is actually a very big blessing. (Please trust me. This is from someone who cant eat for two days now T_T)
It also made you realize how weak you are actually in comparison to Allah. We are not invincible at all. Even minor injury or sickness can cause us ail, misery, uncomfortableness, helplessness, let alone bigger ones. How weak, how powerless we humans are, yet we always forget. Berapa banyak orang yang terang-terangan melanggar hukum Allah, berlagak mcm boleh hidup selamanya, yet bila dah sakit, baru nak cari Tuhan (kalau ada yang mau cari. Kalau yang x mau cari sampai mati alangkah tragisnya). So, di dalam kulit kacangnya (in a nutshell), sakit juga buat kita ingat Allah.
It also allows you to practice and reflect about "Ingat 5 perkara, sebelum 5 perkara". Haa, ingat tak itu ape dia? kalau x ingat sila nyanyi lagu raihan sekarang

sihat sebelum sakit
muda sebelum tua
kaya sebelum miskin
lapang sebelum sempit
hidup sebelum mati

well, at least I could reflect 3 aspects of the things above (sihat sblm sakit, muda sblm tua and lapang sebelum sempit). Now that I am sick, I realize how great it was to be healthy. Now that I cant chew, it made me think about the time when I would really lose all my teeth in the old age (skarang sarah phm perasaan atuk kene kunyah guna gusi. akan berusaha menjadi lebih empathatic selepas ini). Now all that I think is about my painful bisul and gusi, I missed the time when I dont have to worry about my health, yet I wasted my time on stupid things.

Being sick is no fun, but I appreciate learning something out of it.

And Allah, if you wont cure my sickness as soon as I would love to, please ya Allah, please grant me the strength to bear it with a strong heart so I would not complain and moan about my pain all the time. Ameen.

"Manusia yang duduk dalam kenikmatan terlalu lama, selalu terlupa dia sememangnya berada dalam kenikmatan" [As-Syahid Syed Qutb]

I miss you

2011-04-15T00:59:00.001+12:00

I am so sorry my blog
for I have kinda abandoned you
i dont know what had happened, but even new fancy layout doesnt provide me enough push to write something new

But tonight it so happened I had the chance of digging through my old entries
and I think I kinda miss you
I miss writing, I miss talking to myself and being reflective
So maybe, I'll try harder to start writing again
About anything, nothing and everything
Just so in the future I can look back I can say "Ahh, so that was how I was so that was what happened" and be reminded of the sweet, the bitter and both in between
InsyaAllah, if Allah is willing

And just for kicks I've decided to post this picture

yeah. I purposely put it up-side-down. got problem with that? HEHE

toodles. bonne nuit!

wish list

2011-03-18T21:17:00.001+13:00

I wish I can forget.

Like totally forget the things I want to forget.

Like it never happens. Like I had never encountered such situation.

Because you wont miss the things that u dont remember can you?

And wont be sad when you dont remember the things that upset you, can you?

it's a wishful thinking.

because you cant un-know the things that you have known.

Hi hi! I'm still alive

when he hurts you he hurts me too

2011-01-26T19:36:00.001+13:00

ignorance is a bliss they say,

and its true, especially if its something you'd rather not know

like the ugly truth about someone that you'd hate to hate.

I know its too late to change things now, but everytime I face this kind of circumstances I cant help but wish you did not make the decisions you have made

Dont you know how many people you have made unhappy and hurt because of that decision, just so that you can be happy?

Dont you know that no matter how years have passed I'd still think you are a selfish monster?

Dont you know that I cant help but wonder after all this years-are you glad you've made that decision after all?

Are you happy? Can you be happy on someone else's sadness?

Please. Belajar lah jadi adil. Kat dunia ni mungkin la boleh lepas, tapi jangan lupa akhirat itu ada,

Allah Itu Ada

a test

2011-01-12T13:49:00.001+13:00

I asked for help to be a mature person and oh how fast Allah answered my prayer, by setting me up with a test:

-can I accept it with an open heart when someone else receive the things that I have wanted so much?
-can I still congratulate the other person sincerely and be truly happy for her when I am the losing opponent?

Because u know, i guess one of the signs that you are an adult is when you can be happy for others, even when their happiness may cause you pain and sadness.

Imagine this situation and consider your own reaction:
You and your bestfriend enter a competition which would only have one winner. It so happen that the contestant is only the two of you. And your bestfriend won, while you dont.

And another sign of matureness is when you can accept people having more than you, without being green with envy.

Another situation for you to put yourself into:
You and your friend graduate at the same time but he/she seems to had it easy. He/she gets more help from the parents so he/she is able to buy a car or a house earlier than you, travel a lot more than you, and is preparing for a wedding earlier than you

What's your reaction? Are you matured enough to be happy for them? Or will you distance yourselves from them so you wont have to witness their happiness while feeling hurt and sad by your own sorry life?

But u know what, as a human we cant help it from being a little bit envious of others, and that 'others' sometimes include people who are in your close social circle. But we also have to remember that as a Muslim, we should belief in the concept of "Rezeki".

If its not meant for you, then it was never meant for you from the start. And if you dont get it now, there's a possibility you might get it later. And if you never do, well maybe because Allah knows best that it is not good for you. Allah knows best, always, and whatever it is, always, always bersangka baiklah dengan Allah.

As the Prophet (PBUH) related to us that Allah says:

"I am as My servant thinks of Me" [Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim]

and another hadith:

"None of you should ever die except while assuming the BEST about Allah" [Sahih Muslim]

And writing this down, I have felt better already. Hehe

p/s- hows that for a matured girl writing? ;p

quarter-life crisis

2011-01-12T02:12:00.001+13:00

yes. I'm changing to a new layout yet again. I guess I am still in the midst of finding myself, desperately, frantically.

I am going to be 24 this year, and it is freaking me out. just the thought of explaining the things that are worrying me caused me goosebumps, so i wont bother writing it down

So tell me, how do you teach yourself to be a grown up?

and please, dont tell me its automatic because its just aint happening for me, yet.

It's positive, I'm currently having the so called 'quarter-life crisis'. heh.

Now please, can you heal me?

this is what you do when you rindu

2011-01-02T23:22:00.004+13:00

ayah, mama, amir, amy, wani, atie, sofea

pictures, in crazy order..

pictures of them in China (without me! T_T), and some pictures of amy, during pre-departure to German and when she's already in Regensburg

My family-

Although the trophy for "the person who made Sarah cried the most" can be given to one of the members in the family, I still appreciate all the time you make me laugh.

Although there are times when I used to be so angry at my siblings I wish I can grow up fast so I can hire an assassin to kill them, I am more angry when somebody hurt them and make them cry

Although there used to be a time when I look at other families and wish that my family can be even a little bit more like them, I still wish for my own imperfect family when I am far away from them

Although there are times I wish my family would be more laid back and wont nag as much whenever I hang out with my friends, I still am thankful to know that I will have someone who would always be waiting for me when I come back home

we cannot chose who our family members are and which family we are born into but even if I were given the choice, I would not change it any other way, even the ugly and the bad bits

And although my family is not perfect, its perfect enough for me, ALHAMDULILLAH!

i love every single one of you with all my heart, more than life itself

Thank you for making my life so much meaningful. I miss you!! T_T

sarah dan resolusinya

2011-01-01T01:35:00.003+13:00

resolusi 2011: nak ada baby. boleh? haha (lempang laju laju)

just few simple (but hard) ones:

more mature
more organized
less sensitive (cengeng)
~~more beautiful~~
more useful toward others
lebih kuat dan tabah dalam menempuh cabaran hiyah!
and most importantly: kikis karat jahiliah yang masih pekat di dalam diri (go go go anda boleh melakukannya!)

all in all I just wish I can be a better person, in terms of everything. Semoga iman pun akan better juga (kerja keras!!).

Hope this year would be a happier one, I pray I can make it a happier one insyaAllah.

Berusaha semua!!

p/s-kenangan pada malam 31 Disember 2010: Disepak oleh perempuan Maori dari belakang. T_T entah apa dosa aku. Arigato. Semoga takde orang yang akan sepak kau macam tu di masa depan

All about The Beloved

2010-12-29T18:20:00.000+13:00

This is something I have found while I was blog hopping- the testimonies by non-muslim personalities of the world, on our beloved Prophet and what they think of him:

“Philosopher, orator, apostle, legislator, warrior, conqueror of ideas, restorer of rational dogmas, of a cult without images; the founder of twenty terrestrial empires and of one spiritual empire, that is Muhammad. As regards all standards by which human greatness may be measured, we may well ask, is there any man greater than he?”
Lamartine, HISTOIRE DE LA TURQUIE, Paris, 1854, Vol. II, pp. 276-277.

“It is not the propagation but the permanency of his religion that deserves our wonder, the same pure and perfect impression which he engraved at Mecca and Medina is preserved, after the revolutions of twelve centuries by the Indian, the African and the Turkish proselytes of the Koran. . . The Mahometans have uniformly withstood the temptation of reducing the object of their faith an devotion to a level with the senses and imagination of man. ‘I believe in One God and Mahomet the Apostle of God’ is the simple and invariable profession of Islam. The intellectual image of the Deity has never been degraded by any visible idol; the honours of the prophet have never transgressed the measure of human virtue, and his living precepts have restrained the gratitude of his disciples within the bounds of reason and religion.”
Edward Gibbon and Simon Ocklay, HISTORY OF THE SARACEN EMPIRE, London, 1870, p. 54.

“He was Caesar and Pope in one; but he was Pope without Pope’s pretensions, Caesar without the legions of Caesar: without a standing army, without a bodyguard, without a palace, without a fixed revenue; if ever any man had the right to say that he ruled by the right divine, it was Mohammed, for he had all the power without its instruments and without its supports.”
Bosworth Smith, MOHAMMAD AND MOHAMMADANISM, London, 1874, p. 92.

“It is impossible for anyone who studies the life and character of the great Prophet of Arabia, who knows how he taught and how he lived, to feel anything but reverence for that mighty Prophet, one of the great messengers of the Supreme. And although in what I put to you I shall say many things which may be familiar to many, yet I myself feel whenever I re-read them, a new way of admiration, a new sense of reverence for that mighty Arabian teacher.”
Annie Besant, THE LIFE AND TEACHINGS OF MUHAMMAD, Madras,1932, p. 4.

“His readiness to undergo persecutions for his beliefs, the high moral character of the men who believed in him and looked up to him as leader, and the greatness of his ultimate achievement – all argue his fundamental integrity. To suppose Muhammad an impostor raises more problems than it solves. Moreover, none of the great figures of history is so poorly appreciated in the West as Muhammad.”
W. Montgomery Watt, MOHAMMAD AT MECCA, Oxford, 1953, p. 52.

“Muhammad, the inspired man who founded Islam, was born about A.D. 570 into an Arabian tribe that worshipped idols. Orphaned at birth, he was always particularly solicitous of the poor and needy, the widow and the orphan, the slave and the downtrodden. At twenty, he was already a successful businessman, and soon became director of camel caravans for a wealthy widow. When he reached twenty-five, his employer, recognizing his merit, proposed marriage. Even though she was fifteen years older, he married her, and as long as she lived, remained a devoted husband.

“Like almost every major prophet before him, Muhammad fought shy of serving as the transmitter of God’s word, sensing his own inadequacy. But the angel commanded “Read.” So far as we know, Muhammad was unable to read or write, but he began to dictate those inspired words which would soon revolutionize a large segment of the earth: “There is one God.”

“In all things Muhammad was profoundly practical. When his beloved son Ibrahim died, an eclipse occurred, and rumours of God’s personal condolence quickly arose. Whereupon Muhammad is said to have announced, “An eclipse is a phenomenon of nature. It is foolish to attribute such things to the death or birth of a human being.” “At Muhammad’s own death an attempt was made to deify him, but the man who was to become his administrative successor killed the hysteria with one of the noblest speeches in religious history: “If there are any among you who worshipped Muhammad, he is dead. But if it is God you worshipped, He lives forever.”

James A. Michener, “ISLAM: THE MISUNDERSTOOD RELIGION,” in READER’S DIGEST (American edition), May 1955, pp. 68-70.

“My choice of Muhammad to lead the list of the world’s most influential persons may surprise some readers and may be questioned by others, but he was the only man in history who was supremely successful on both the religious and secular level.”

Michael H. Hart, THE 100: A RANKING OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSONS IN HISTORY, New York: Hart Publishing Company, Inc., 1978, p. 33.

You know, after reading this, I cant help it from being proud and glad that I am a Muslim and Muhammad is my prophet. But it also made me sad and ashamed of myself. Here are great historians and thinkers who think very highly of our prophet and they know this because they study about him in detail.

How about us? How much do we know about him? How many of us would gladly spend their free time reading the story about his life than spending hours on Western/Korean/ Japanese/ Hindi movies, sitcoms and series. How many of us can convince how great our prophet is when being asked by the non-muslims because we know a lot about him that we can recite his saying smoothly and confidently? (I think we know more about our favourite group/singer than we know him) And how many of us are closely following his examples rather than feeling more comfortable to follow whats "in" according the society right now, regardless whether its following the Islam guidelines, or not?

I am not talking about other people here, I am talking about myself too, and you know, lots of things got to change. We claim that we love him but how do we prove that love? What I am saying here is that we should strive to learn more about him, follow his sunnah by studying the hadiths because verily, he Muhammad, is the best example for mankind. As stated in the Quran: "Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Muhammad) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes for (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much" (33:21)

It might seem hard at first, but it is possible. Set a realistic target for each day (e.g read at least one hadith every day, read a chapter about Rasulullah's life and his sahabahs, etc.) and stay true to it. If we can spend hours and hours glued to the screen of our TV/laptop I am sure spending some time studying things that would benefit us hereafter would not be a problem =)

i hate usrah?

2010-12-19T21:58:00.001+13:00

just seconds ago, randomly i looked through my feedjit live (i just love knowing how people get to my blog in the first place) and guess what, one of the guests had stumbled to my blog by googling "i hate usrah"

ironic, u know. because I just LOVE usrah. although i am far from perfect, i think it has changed me a lot, in positive ways. i'll make a special post on this, insyaAllah, i promise

its just sad (and a bit weird too) people would google that. it's like trying to find the justification for hating something that is not suppose to be hated, if you get what im saying.

but maybe that's just me.

not feeling up

2010-12-07T16:32:00.003+13:00

having nothing to look forward to is so demotivating.

sigh

cheer me up, please

aku bukan malaikat

2010-11-14T02:22:00.007+13:00

i write best when I am emotional. I might not be the most rational at that time but I am definitely being the most honest. If I were to write how I felt right after I knew somebody has made a "passing remark" about me yesterday, this entry would be of a different tone. But tonight's entry is based on a rather long contemplation and reflection on what other people talk about me and if I am justified to get pissed off out of it.

so I've heard about how somebody has talked about me, about how me, as someone they labelled as 'kakak usrah' has been displaying behaviour that they think do not suit my title. And its not just somebody anybody, it was from a friend (and I dont know exactly who). Hearing that, I was furious for 2 reasons:

they are talking behind my back. If I really did something bad, why cant they just come to me upfront and tell me to my face so I can change my ways?
I hate the fact that when people label me as 'kakak usrah' they would assume that I am maksum, and that I should be perfect free from sins while it is ok for them to do such things

For people who doesnt know, this year is actually a big leap for me. I have changed a lot, and the most obvious change is in the change of my appearance. I am wearing bigger hijabs. What inspire this? Lets just simply say that this year I feel more obligated to show good examples, because I have to practice what I preach. To be honest, I actually asked my mum to post me hijabs that are not see through and bigger than the usual bawal style hijab, she end up sending me a wayy bigger hijabs that made me scared, just to look at it.

Why? Because I knew that once I put on the hijab, my whole world would change. It means the change of my whole wardrobe: I cant possibly wear those kind of hijab with tight jeans can i?. It means the change of how I interact with people: I cant possibly wear those big hijabs and mingle and laugh freely with the non-muhrims without people looking at me funnily can I? It means the change of my hobbies: I cant possibly wear that kind of hijabs reading love stories when people would associate me as someone who reads only the quran and religious blogs all the time can I? And this is the hardest one- it means the change of personalities: I cant possibly be as assertive as I was, commenting on every single things about other people and stuffs when people would associate people who wears that kind of hijab as someone who is reserved, soft spoken, talk only when its really important and every single word that come out of my mouth is a gem, can I?

Funny how a piece of cloth can be so powerful and significant huh?

If I were to come back to me 5 years ago and show her the picture of how I look now, she would not be able to believe it I can change that much. My mum sending the wrong size (at that time) hijab was actually a blessing in disguise. At that time I never thought I would ever wear it: its just not me. I am not that girl, I just cant see myself being that good and pious.But once I've donned that piece of hijab, (I was really really conscious at that time, and I saw the look of people shocked at my new appearance, but no one commented anything, it was a relieved), there is just no turning back. I like how I look, no, it was an understatement, i LOVE how I look. I feel more at peace even if it means that I have to abandoned 70% of the clothes in my wardrobe and I have limited of 'sopan' blouses that can suit that big hijab. Even if it means I might look unfashionable to others. As long as Allah please, as long as Allah please.Its just a piece of cloth, but wearing it made me want to do good all the time, because I dont want to ruin the image of a Muslim. Wearing it made me wanted to be closer to my Rabb, and make me work harder for that- learn more about Islam, put more effort to spread the Deen, striving to do things that I pray He would be please.

But you know what, changing a personality that has been developed through years of socialization and family upbringing and experiences, is not as easy as changing appearance. I've been living like that for 22 years before I chose to change. I dont know if there might be others who can make a 360 degrees turn that they are a completely new better person but for me, its not that easy. It has only been a few months, the old me is still here inside me. It is a part of me. Sometimes I still do the things that the old me would do and take as granted, forgetting that for the new me, people would see that as unacceptable. Sometimes I am still guilty talking bad about other people, forgetting that I should not ruin the image of a 'big hijab' person. Sometimes I do wish that people would stop seeing me as someone that is a really good person when in truth I am flawed in many ways, I've sinned in every single day. Sometimes I wish people could just see me as me, not some kind of saint or angel, because I am not! Believe it or not, I am in a constant struggle with myself every single day, just like everybody else

But once I thought hard about it, once I've reflected on about how people are talking bad about me because I did that and did this when 'people like me' should only do that and do this, it is actually Allah's way to remind me that I should change, that I am not good enough as I thought I have been. So, going back for the 2 reason that I have given above as a justification reason for being angry, here is the rebuttal:

well sarah, you are sometimes guilty of talking behind other people too. What rights do you have to get angry when you are also doing the same thing to other people? Something gotta change, fast. Now you know how it feels when people talk bad behind of you, imagine how other people would feel too. If you dont want people to talk bad about you, you should stop doing that too
People seeing you as someone who cant and shouldnt commit a sin is actually a blessing. It just means that you have to work harder to fulfill their expectations. Not because you care about what they are saying, but because you care about how Allah think of you. Its not a bad thing that they are thinking like that of you, it just means that you have to be more careful and aware of how you act, how you talk because people are seeing and listening. I mean, it is better that people are concern about you not being good enough from people dont comment anything about you when you do bad stuffs because they expect that from you, right? In a way, their expectations are actually a way for you to take care of yourself, especially in the iman department.

For other people and friends who are reading this, on your part, I just wish you could be more understanding. This new me, is still very new and I am still learning and relearning every single hour every single day. If you cant support me, the least you can do is do nothing, not let me down. Lets strive to not talk badly about other people (it is super hard I know, but insyaAllah not impossible) because trust me, when you know that people talk about you, you would be hurt, and you cant even be angry about it.

This might be the longest post ever in my blog, and it truly comes from the depth of my heart. I am truly truly sorry if I have hurt anybody.

Every single thing that happen to us is a blessing, if we know the right way of looking at it and if we remember, that Allah is the most merciful, most loving

Irrinaaa

2010-11-13T22:23:00.000+13:00

amacam template yang ni? matang skit tak? Hahaha

current obsession: blog template hunting! help

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2010-11-07T17:38:00.000+13:00

bad bad sunday- exams + running nose + incomprehensible study topic + lack of junkfood to keep me alert + lapar + struggling in planning a farewell dinner + serabut memikirkan workshop tasks and the incoming presentation = not a good combination

but i could think million other things that could make it worse. and for that, thank you Allah, Alhamdulillah.

just please ya Allah, kurniakan aku kesabaran, kuatkan aku, permudahkan urusanku. For every strength I had, You were the source. Bantulah hambaMu ini ya Allah.

ameenn

i have the attention span of a gold fish (eh?)

2010-10-24T10:56:00.001+13:00

oh my GoOODDd (part God tu buat suara mendayu dayi ala2 tarzan)

how am i supposed to finish this assignment when I cant even concentrate for 2 minutes? how how? i really do think I have ADD (attention deficit disorder). Weird enough, it is fully cured when I do something else other than the schoolworks. huhu.

mata! jangan mengada ngada please. bukan stay up pun malam semalam nak buat kuyu2. haish, cocok buat satay kang.

target nak siapkan 1500 words essay in a day. possible ke?

K.A.H.W.I.N

2010-10-23T15:40:00.003+13:00

am i ready?

would I ever be ready??

act of random kindness

2010-10-22T14:46:00.002+13:00

hi there

i am finally writing again because i am stuck with my assignment. nak pilih tajuk pun da stuck. such a loser. huh. huhu. so here i am talking about random things dat has crossed my mind while I was pushing trolley at pak n save yesterday.

u know, an act of random kindness can leave an everlasting effect on those who you were kind to. For example, there is this one time when I accompanied my mum to go to Carefour subang. for those who have been there u'll know how the escalator look like, die bukannya bertangga, tapi conveyer dia tu flat je untuk letak trolley skali (common kut kat mane2 shopping complex skarang). and ive always been scared of such escalator padahal kalau once kite letak trolley tu tayar die akan stuck so xdela kena tahan trolley tu dari menggelongsor pun, but still, I always find myself grabbing the trolley with all my might, scared of it slipping away and hit those who are in front of me.

And one day, it really does. I was around 12-13 years old at that time and I might be waaay thinner than I am now, and the trolley seems wayyyy bigger. I dont know how and what went wrong on that day but instead of the tyre being stucked on the conveyor, die menggelongsor dgn laju and hit a chinese lady at the back with full force. i can only imagine how painful and shocked she was suddenly being hit by a giant trolley (luckily it was empty) and I was prepared to be scolded by her there and then. But, she asked me instead "are you alright?" (my face must be terribly scared at that time that she took pity on me, haha). I was so touched by that, that I remember that incident until today-10 years later! I am not sure if I were on her place I would act the same, the least I might do is giving the jelingan maut kut, the most, marah2. but no, at that time, she chose to let it go and cared for me instead.

so see? how random kindness can really touch other people's heart?

what kindness have you done today? lets do one

2010-10-15T14:48:00.002+13:00

i feel like im on the verge of breaking down
but wait,
i dont even have the energy to do that right now

bismillahitawakaltualallah

Kau cabar Tuhan??

2010-10-12T22:28:00.002+13:00

“Seksualiti Merdeka is a much needed frank look at the very core of all us human beings, our sexuality, and the diversity that lies within. We need to accept and then celebrate.” – Datin Paduka Marina Mahathir

Calling all Malaysians to join in a group hug of Love, Acceptance and Compassion!

And so what they said about celebrating SEKSUALITI MERDEKA 2010, an upcoming event in malaysia which is basically saying "hey malaysian, lets join the rest of the world to say its alright to have same sex relationship! Who cares about what Allah has to think about this? Laknat Allah? HAHA, apa tu?apa apa je lah" (google it yourself if you want to know more. Tak kuasa nak letak link)

Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah ! Its a different thing if we are talking about the non-muslims, of course the concept of retribution by Allah might be foreign to them, but to see that there are also Muslims endorsing this kind of event, its heartbreaking! Besar sangatkah kita kita ini sampai tak takut berlagak dengan Allah. Penting sangatkah mendapat approval dari manusia yang kononnya embracing the modernity sehingga sanggup membelakangkan hukum Allah? Tak cukup ke Allah cerita dalam Al-Quran macam mana Allah turunkan malapetaka keatas kaum nabi Luth yang mengamalkan hubungan sesama jantina?

Firman Allah dalam surah Al A'raf :84 menceritakan kesudahan orang-orang yang membelakangkan Tuhan mereka:

"Dan Kami hujani mereka dengan hujan (batu). Maka perhatikanlah bagaimana kesudahan orang yang berbuat dosa itu"

Sesungguhnya aku takut. Sangat-sangat takut

Reviving Islamic spirit

2010-10-05T21:46:00.000+13:00

As known by lot of people, im such a cry baby, I cry so easily sometimes its soo stupid. But I think this time I have got a good enough reason to do so. It is just soo heart-lifting! Just watching this video has already revived my Islamic spirit, I wonder what would happen if I actually got the chance to went there!

Here, watch it yourself and you'll get what I meant

the worst sickness

2010-10-03T18:52:00.000+13:00

i am sick

i have been home sick for two days now.

i miss accompanying my mom to my sister's school

i miss 'pau'-ing my dad for kuih tepi jalan

i miss my sisters and brother, playing monoply or just plain laughing over silliest things with them

i miss having my fat cat on my lap and the big purr he is always making

i miss eating hot buns from kings confectionary

i miss miss miss

8 months seem so long now

Have u ever ever ever

2010-09-24T21:19:00.000+12:00

Have u ever be in a situation where you receive something more than you deserve?

say for example, in an exam which you feel you have done it badly and you think there's 100 % chance that u really gonna fail it freaks the heck out of you, and the thought of receiving the paper back caused u goosebumps, but when you finally have the courage to check ur marks, u did not only pass the exam, but u got an A for that paper

no, I did not just got an A in an exam. that was just a hypothetical example but surely, at least once in your life, u've encountered such miracles? whenever I receive something more than I deserve, I felt so small, and so overwhelmed by Allah's kindness and grace towards me. As human, we tend to forget, and always forget, that Allah is indeed the only one who decides what we will receive, either bad or good. Either you think you deserve it or not.

But we are always so scared of spending more time for Allah - often we feel burdened and reluctant going to study circle where we get to learn more about our own deen or listening to a religious lecture at the mosque/uni, worrying that we wont get enough time to finish our assignment on time/studying for the exam (when we actually have time to stalk people on FB every 5 minutes, watching latest clip videos of our favourite korea boy band etc., blog hopping, etc. etc.). Dont worry, Im not just talking about other people, I do that sometimes too. All I am saying is, we always use exam or assignment excuses for not spending more time for Him, but do we realize that it is Allah, who is the BEST of providers? Even when we spend every single minute of our life studying, but if Allah is not please with us and He wont grant us success, who else do you think can help us? yes, you got that right- NO ONE.

so whatever we do, we should always remember that, in the end its up to Allah to decide whether we will be successful or not. so study a lot, and pray a lot more. and dont fret if He still doesnt grant u much this time, its just His way to test you. And sometimes, even bad grades are better for us, as a reminder that we shouldnt easily be pleased with ourselves, and Allah wants us to work harder. Apa-apa pun, sentiasa bersangka baiklah dengan Allah. Remember, orang mukmin itu bila mendapat nikmat dia bersyukur, bila di timpa kesusahan dia bersabar.

And may we be among those who Allah considers as "mukmineen". Ameenn =))

2010-09-19T22:02:00.000+12:00

ya Allah, what I have done tonight, was only to please you

please guide me, guide my heart,

always

last raya in welly

2010-09-14T18:06:00.004+12:00

favourite pictures from this year's Eid:

tak sah kalau xde gmbr pose ayu

tak sah kalau x menyakat housemate

tak sah kalau x amik gmbr "yang nmpk oversea"

tak sah kalau x perasan masih budak 1st year nk amik gmbr camni

we were roommates in KMS! (how many years has it been now?)

dgn signboard universiti yg berbahasa maori. tidak akan ditemui di malaysia

irrina kata "mcm sex in the city". I said "no, its sopan in da city" hehe

alolo..comelnye..anak-anak sape nihh?? hehe

tak sah kalau x makan2

Dengan kakak2 usrah yang membawa saya mengenal Islam yang sebenar, bukan Islam warisan. terima kasihhh byk2, saya ingat sampai mati insyaAllah

suapan kasih sayang di hari raya (kononnya, haha)

Eh tiba2 di raya ke 3 menjadi lebih tinggi dari eny.hehe.jeng3

jangan rempit2 di hari raya (sambil menunjukkan gaya rempit)

nah kak cipot, suapan kasih sayang suci murni.hehe

been preparing for raya dishes with them (everton boys, everton girls, fnab mira eka) since first year. Gonna miss that LOADS T_T

annnndd, special for everyone reading this (click picture for a larger view):

p/s- Faraha, wish you are here ;)

cinta

2010-09-07T14:04:00.000+12:00

kadang-kadang cinta kepada Allah dan rindu melihat Islam kembali diletakkan pada tempatnya menuntut pengorbanan cinta kepada manusia

saat ini, hanya Dia sahaja yang mengerti perasaan aku dan ya Allah, mohon kau kuatkan imanku dan teguhkan pendirianku

wat is the first thing u think about when you thought you gonna die?

2010-09-06T01:02:00.003+12:00

When I was woken up by the violent earthquake 2 days before around 4 30 am and it doesnt seem to show any sign that it is going to stop, I was positive that I am going to die. Positive.

I was frantically trying to remember what was the last thing I did before I went to sleep.Was it a good deed or was it a bad one? Was Allah the last thing I remember? Was I saying anything bad about other people? And oh Lord, are my deeds enough to grant me paradise or hell would be the road for me? While my lips non stop asking for His forgiveness (istighfar) and saying the syahadah incase I am going to die anytime soon. My heart was beating so fast I thought its going to jump out of my chest.

Its amazing to think that when I thought that I was on the verge of dying, I wasnt thinking about the loved ones I am going to leave behind (though I do think about them later when the situation stabilized), but I was thinking about myself -about how prepared I am (or not) to meet Allah and how scared and worried I was about what my fate would be after I die. Yes, in the end you would only think about yourself. It reminds me of an ayaah in the quran where Allah mentions about the Judgement Day:

"Pada hari itu manusia lari dari saudaranya, dan dari ibu bapanya, dan dari isteri dan anak-anaknya, setiap orang dari mereka pada hari itu mempunyai urusan yang menyibukkannya"

"On that day man will flee from his brother, and from his mother and his father, and from his wife and his sons, every one of them on that day would has anxiety that is enough for him'

(Surah Abasa: 34-37)

But are we ready when Allah decide that is the time to leave the world? Are we ever going to be ready? Of course not. But if we are someone who is consistent in obeying Allah's order and leave things that He permits maybe we can at least hope Allah will show some mercy on us. Even that would not guarantee that we would be safe from hellfire. Because on the end of the day, even if we enter Jannah, it would be on His mercy, not because we've done enough. As narrated by Abu Huraira (ra):

Allah's Apostle said , "The deeds of anyone of you will not save you (from the Fire)." They said, "Even you (will not be saved by your deeds), O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "No, even I (will not be saved) unless and until Allah bestows His Mercy on me. Therefore, do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately, and worship Allah in the forenoon and in the afternoon and during a part of the night, and always adopt a middle, moderate, regular course whereby you will reach your target (Paradise)."

(Bukhari)

We always make plan for later. But after that experience I have learnt that we can never ever guarantee that there is always going to be a 'later'. We cant. We can't even guarantee that we would still be able to take in the oxygen when we take our next breath, let alone guarantee that we would still be alive tomorrow. If only we humans knew how fragile our life is, how powerless, how truly weak we are in comparison to Allah who is the Owner of our souls, who can take life from us anytime He wishes, we would always want to do good all the time.

And after that experience I've vowed not to sleep unless I've asked for forgiveness from Allah. And after that experience I've vowed to be a better person and do good all the time.

So dear friends who are reading this, if I somehow forgot my vows, please please remind me.

And ya Allah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah Allahuakbar for the invaluable lesson. And Ya Allah, if one day it is really the time to go, please please please place me, my family and my friends in Jannah among those whom You loves. Ameen ya Rabbal alamin.

whats special about u?

2010-09-02T01:47:00.002+12:00

have u ever been in a situation where you need to introduce yourself for the first time, and just to make things interesting you were asked to tell what is special about you or few unknown facts about urself?

I am always at loss and sometimes annoyed when Im required to do such thing (although im guilty of doing the exact same thing to the juniors). So what do we tell what special about ourselves without sounding boastful and too proud of yourselves? like say, for me, I always end up saying something about

1. I am half-chinese

2. I was born in USA

3. My ambition was to become a Brunei queen

or something embarassing about how:

1. When my father asked me what I want to be when I can work, I told him (dgn penuh bersemangat dan muka bangga) "Ada dua cita-cita, satu nak jadi cashier, no 2, nak jadi penjaga tol". (notice how all my ambition is related to handling and holding money? and yes, being a queen involves handling and holding money too. although in a different sense. heheh) Now I understand why my father looked very worried at that time. HAHA

2. I am scared of the most harmless (well not for me its not!) animal in the world: worms, or anything that is boneless, which includes leeches, shell-less snails, etc. Dont test me on this if you dont want to be deaf for the rest of your life

but I guess if I am given more time to think about the facts about myself I can give you more:

1. I dont like people feel pity for me. It will just made me feel more shitty than I already am. So just dont.

2. I cant stand rejection and betrayal. Especially from those that I love. I just cant. The pain caused from this I cant help but remember over and over again, and everytime I am reminded of it, it will still cause me a set of fresh pain. And mind you, I am someone who has very bad memories (I forget things so easily that I forgot I've wore my contact lenses I'd still put on my glasses), but not sad memories inflicted by betrayal and any kind of rejection from the people I love.

3. I am such a crybaby. I am easily touched by everything. Even Malaysia winning a badminton tournament would bring tears to my eyes (that's how patriotic I am), and watching videos or reading about new muslim converts never failed to make shed a tear, seeing how Allah, if He wishes to, can bestow His hidayah in the most unexpected ways to anyone He wishes to. It also made me reflect about how ungrateful I have been about how i am so blessed to be born in this religion when others have to gone through so much to find Islam, while others never do =(

i think there's more but thats what I can think about right now.

p/s- i write when i am bothered about something

doing what I do best: running and flying away

2010-08-27T23:24:00.001+12:00

i think its normal to be curious. people get curious about the curious kind of things all the time.

for example, when you met a handsome couple, you'd wonder how they met each other for the first time. Will they still be together when the time catches on them and the beauty, like everything else, fades away..

for example, when you look at a pair of lovely blue eyes of a women who is wearing a niqab, you'd wonder what made her decided to dress that way on the first place. Was she pious from the beginning, or did something made her change. Was her faith that drove her decision? Or was she just following the expected dress code of the community.

for example, at 5pm when you're on your way to the nearest super market (which is not too near), you looked at the passing strangers, rushing off to somewhere and wonder who they will come home to, or if they even have anyone to come home to.

for example, when you look at your tutor who is trying to make jokes in the class so in will be somewhat 'lively' (but she still look awkward all the same), whether she is really happy with her life or if she wishes if there is something more to it.

and, for example, when you look at the FEEDJIT live traffic feed, and you wonder how this people get to arrive on your blog at the first place. Bcuz interestingly, this week I got 2 visitor from South Africa and Sarajevo Federation of Bosnia and Herzegovina (I know for other people receiving visitors from all around the world is no big deal, but it is for stupid blog like mine, ehem). Even when I am visited by someone who is from Petaling Jaya, Malaysia, I'd wonder who they are, and I wonder if they know that I like knowing that at least someone reads my pointless rambling.

But just like most things that I am curious about, sadly enough, I would never get the answers

(unless you'd drop by a message and tell me who u are. that would be awesome)

okay

im just buying myself some time before i have to force myself to prepare food for tomorrow's Sahur. hoho

goodnite. be good.

p/s-berusaha bangun qiam yuk?

i talk about random things

2010-08-26T14:26:00.001+12:00

a title on an academic book found in VUW library today:

"the writer is not dead, he is merely somewhere else"

cute huh?

2010-08-20T10:49:00.000+12:00

today, i have officially decided to hate ALL kinds of exam and test with passion. PERIOD.

OMG wat am i doing

2010-08-09T23:27:00.000+12:00

erm, why did I took this subject again??

Ya Allah, permudahkan.. sesungguhnya semua ilmu itu adalah dari Mu jua

time and time again

2010-08-06T00:02:00.000+12:00

few quick thoughts for tonight (just need to de-brief myself, fuhh)

Im super bz dis week, organizing event for ihya' Ramadhan (menghidupkan ramadhan), dont even have the time to go through my assignment yet, which is due next week, but as crazy as it seems, I kinda like the busy-ness of it all, and I think Im gonna miss it (though of course theres times when I wish I can just scream out of the pressure and then go to sleep). Having things to keep me occupied in a way protects me from doing lagho (unnecessary) things that doesnt benefit me (which btw includes, going through random blogs, watching trailers, looking at old albums for the 100th time just for the sake of having something to do apart from doing the assignments, etc2.)
I totally suck as a leader. I cant seem to make my own decision (always afraid to make one, afraid that it would be disaster). I cant think outside the box. I delegate tasks poorly. Sometimes I blame other people for my own mistake. I cant handle pressure (poor eny has to hear it all). This is of course not an exhaustive list. Just ask my team mates, they'll give u more. But it is ok. It is a challenge and I will try to learn. I will. Verily Allah has promised that He does not test us the test which we cannot cope. And thinking of that, I know I can handle this. Because Allah knows I can handle this. InsyaAllah. Berusaha Sarah!! hiyahh
Working with VIP is totally nerve-wrecking (especially when the title is Dato' Dr Professor, what title do u address him with anyway?? dat was my dillema). You dont know the right way to talk about, scared that there might be words inappropriate that might offends him (I almost talked in bahasa baku, imagine that), you're even afraid to make eye contacts and when suddenly your eyes wondered away because something else caught ur attention even just for a second, you're scared shit to look back at him incase he noticed that ur mind wandered away while he was talking. But all in all, he is just a human, its not like he talks in alien language (now I know that HAHA), and you can learn a lot from their experience (yes, one of the tips to win their hearts is to let THEM conquer most of the conversation, they'll like that), and if you're lucky, you get few gems (not real gems u mata duitan!!), pointers on things that u wont learn inside the class
People need to be reminded as frequent as possible, because we tend to forget. This week is the Islamic Awareness week in NZ and they held many activities and talks through out the week. The talks which is mostly at night, was quite a challenge for me, who is busy with class during the day, having a lot of planning to do for the Ihya' programme, but Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, Allah still make it easier for me to attend the talks (although it was out of guilt for Sha at first.hehe. lepas tu btolkan niat cpt2, alhamdulillah) and subhanallah, every talks I went there was always something that touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. Subhanallah. Thanks Allah for always guiding my heart through all this brothers and sisters. I wish I can be as good as them in talking and touching other people's heart (In future maybe, hehe)
I can do this I can do this I can do this (psycho diri sendiri). huhu. I need to give a welcoming speech on saturday. Nerve wrecking ok with all the VIPs and what not..huhu.. but I can, I can!! bercakap je pun kan.. bukan kene berdendang dendang hahaha psycho.
I LOVE ALLAH AND I MISS RASULULLAH!! huhu. after watching video "the chosen one" by Maher Zain and reading other people comments on how they are touched by the video which made them cry out of missing him so much, I cried too. This reminds me of story told in one of the talk about one of the Prophet's sahabah. One day he cried so badly and Rasulullah asked him why. He told him that he is sad, because he would miss the prophet soo much in the day hereafter because even if he enters paradise, he would not be in the same Jannah as the Prophet so he would not be able to meet him anymore. And then Rasulullah s.a.w said "You will be with the one you love". So there- careful who you loves. If you love an idol so much, you would be with him. But where is that, heaven or hell? you decide.

Wahhh..ape mengarut panjang2 nii.. hahaha.. actually its an escapism. I need to write the welcoming text, but dont know where to start.But I will, I can! (im into positive thinking this days ;))

Happy Friday

"In the end what matters is not what you have, its what you give"

reminder to Self

2010-07-28T23:06:00.001+12:00

“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, mengapa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu perbuat. Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahawa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan.” (QS 61, ayat 2-3)

Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahawa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan

Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah ya Allah

it's just one of those nights

2010-07-25T01:36:00.000+12:00

it was a really longgggggggggggggggggggggggg day and I am barely able to keep my eyes open, but I know I just have to record this down

Tonight (24th July) was one of those night when we talked and we laughed and we joked like there is no tomorrow

And I am almost 100 % sure that it would be one of the nights that would be badly missed by me in the very near future.

life goes on, and will goes on, no matter u like it or not. It's just the fact that I would miss it sooo damn much that I am not looking forward to.

Would we be able to smile and laugh just as much when we are no longer together and when the days just seem longer?

even when the world turn their backs on you, I WILL NOT

2010-07-03T23:23:00.000+12:00

its been a while since I talk about something that is beneficial and has substance. while talking about myself and the going ons in my life sounded vain most of the times but can be very self-healing at times, it is not the same as when you talk about something that can touch people's heart and can make people think, reflect and ponder. As written in the Quran:

Siapakah yg lebih baik perkataannya drpd org yg menyeru kpd Allah, mengerjakan amal soleh dan berkata:"Sesungguhnya aku termasuk org2 yg menyerah diri (kepada Allah)" [surah Fussilat, 41:33]

Who is better in speech than he who invites men to Allah, does righteous deeds and says: "Verily, I am one of those who submits to Allah" [surah Fussilat,41:33]

Now, I am not saying I am the quite the right person to talk about Islam when I myself am aware how big the gap in my knowledge about my own deen is. But what I want to write about is just more of a sharing of what I got last monday in a sharing session by Dr. (but I called her kak) Baiyah, a sister from Australia. It touched my heart and my very soul, and who knows, if Allah is willing, it could touch those who are reading this too. So here goes:

When talking about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, there can be no doubt that lots of people are aware who are the oppressed and who are the oppressor. No matter what the Israeli government says to justify their actions, it is OBVIOUS that they are in the wrong. It is also obvious however, that the notion of what the world sees as wrong or right plays no significant importance for the Jews in implementing the law as they want.

How many more children has to die? Can we really depend on others to solve the conflict? Is there ever a way out?

They kill people as they wish, overlooking the fact that the palestinian are also humans who deserve the same right as they are, pushing aside the thought of what it would be like if it is their own mother, their own babies, their own families that are being shot by random bullets, but guess what? NOBODY can stops them from doing what they want. Absoulutely NOBODY. People can condemn them all they want, can curse them all day long, can do demonstration every single day every single year, can boycott products produced by them faithfully, but in the end of the day, they would only hurt a little, and we would be dissapointed a lot. Because why? Well, every single agenda in this world is set by them. Its not like they didnt know that the world is watching and following the news about the flotilla when they attack. They know, but they still do it. And now the investigation about the flotilla attack would be done by them. ha ha ha. Hello, bygkan jela, kalau rumah kita masuk pencuri, pastu kita pulak yang suruh pencuri tu jalankan siasatan sape yang yang pecah rumah. Logik ke die akan berlaku adil?

It is a big joke and yet, that is what the world has come to. Mereka dan keluarga mereka boleh buat sesuka hati. Even kalau besok die kata, "eh, bosan la, meh serang Malaysia la pulak", nobody can stop them. And they would not even have to provide reasons for their actions. And the truth is, as pointed by kak Baie, we are already in a "checkmate" situation by the enemies, where we cannot see the way out of this hell hole. Even in Malaysia, we might think we are free, but we do not realized that we have been conquered, colonized mentally. Even when the British gave us something to call our independence day on every 31st August (why the heck do we have to ask other people's permission to give us our country back on the first place??) they left us with education system that is forever living us entrapped with the way of thinking that supports their ruling over us. Just think, we said we hate them, we are angry at the way they are treating our brothers and sisters as if they are animals, but we live their lifestyles, we implement their system socially, politically and economically, a fact that we cannot escape.

Then, what do we do?We're only small insignificant people whose voices weigh so little. Then who do we look up to when the even the so-called Muslim country leaders are tongue and hand-tied to speak out against the Israelis for the fear of being the next victim? How do we make a comeback to an era in which the Muslims rule the world? Quoting kak baiyah, (well, lebih kurangla)

"Kalau kita tgk situasi umat Islam sekarang ni, kite boleh buat conclusion yang kita memang tak boleh menang ke atas orang2 yahudi yang sedang menguasai dunia ni, melainkan dengan pertolongan kuasa yang lebih besar dari diorang, iaitu kuasa Allah". Tapi INGAT, Allah dah berfirman dalam al-quran dlm surah Ar-Ra'd ayat 11:

"Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah keadaan yang ada pada mereka sendiri"

"God does not change what (is) with a nation until they change what (is) with themselves"

Jadi, mari fikir balik, adakah Allah akan ubah nasib umat Islam yang terseksa ditindas disana sini sedangkan kita yang kononnye bebas ni hanya baca berita, ckp kesiannye kesiannye, lepas tu sambung aktiviti harian mcm biasa, tgk tv yang sbenarnye mesin propaganda yahudi macam biasa, membuang masa stalking2 orang kat facebook macam biasa, bersembang kosong cakap pasal artis macam biasa, baca majalah hiburan macam biasa, gelak2 tgk cerita komedi mcm biasa, worries about the smallest things like why does my bf hasnt text me yet mcm biasa, masyarakat sibuk dengki mendengki mcm biasa? OF COURSE NOT!

we ourselves has to prove to Allah that we are trying hard to change our situation. and it starts with us going back to the basic: Learning about our deen through Quran and Sunnah. And no, it is not enough by just reciting it every so often, when we dont even understand a thing about what is being read. Dont just recite, read the tafseer, understand the meaning, dan yang paling penting amalkan cara hidup seorang muslim! Carik peluang untuk meningkatkan ketakwaan kita dgn belajar dari orang2 yang berilmu, tak kisahla dengan ape cara sekali pun. Join usrah ke, blajar kat youtube ke, gi dgr ceramah kat masjid2 ke, bace blog2 islamic ke, byk kott.. kalau nak download movie pun kita boleh berusaha carik link takkanla nak cari redha Allah tak boleh nak berusaha kan=)

dan ingatlah macam mana Allah menangkan umat Islam yang berpegang teguh dgn agama Allah dlm perang badar. 313 orang Islam menang melawan 1000 orang kafir walaupun lebih sedikit dan senjata lebih daif dari pihak musuh. Betapa nabi berdoa dan merintih dgn Allah "Ya Allah, menangkanlah umat Islam kerana jika kami kalah, sudah tiada siapa lagi yang akan menyembah Engkau". Dan betapa Allah hantarkan malaikat untuk tolong umat Islam.

Kesimpulannya, tidak boleh tidak, tiada cara lain, kita kena kembali kepada Islam. KENA. MESTI. WAJIB. Kalau kita peka masalah saudara kita, terasa, tersedih, terluka, maka mari berusaha menjadi mengubah diri sendiri menjadi umat Islam yang lebih baik dan menggunakan neraca Islam dalam membuat apa sahaja pertimbangan.

Because, at the end of the day, ONLY cara hidup yang berlandaskan Islam SAHAJA yang Allah redha.

AYUH!! MARI BANGKIT!!

pom pom girl to myself

2010-06-21T22:33:00.000+12:00

saye susah hati
gundah gulana
takut. bimbang.

dgn tugasan yang telah dipertanggungjawabkan

tapi saye kne kuat
sbb org Islam kene kuat dan berjiwa besar
kene. harus. mesti
ni baru sikit Allah uji, belum suruh berperang di Palestin lagi

you can Sarah, you can!! go go go!!

ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan kami, berkatilah..
ameen ya rabbal alamin

hari sarah rajen

2010-05-19T18:42:00.000+12:00

the going ons in my life so far:

my birthday:

(ye ma, sarah tau sarah da tembam. ye ye tauuu)

oh my God, look at the number, 23rd you know, 23rd!! and datss not a young number.. huhu.. nobody would ever classify me as a teenager, ever again! haha. ok just kidding. I should be thankful dat I've made it to 23, and I am happy I have survived my teenage hood (ade ke perkataan ni pun?). Looking back, I've realized how blessed I am to be where I am today. Although there cant always be laughter, although sometimes I feel like everything is stacked on my shoulder, although there's times when I cant help it but ask questions, although there's time (lotssss of it im sure) i just feel like screaming my heads off because of the pressure, I am glad that I have precious family and friends that I can always, always rely on. Alhamdulillah.Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Yes, birthday is the day when you can see who is genuinely happy and glad that you were born. More pictures:

(the day I get to claim that Im a princess without anybody making faces.haha. poor you guys)

(one of the many reason that I will love you guys, forever: when we're together we're not afraid to make a fool of ourselves and can still laugh about it)

(notice: a collection of my vain pictures? dats from eny! I've already pasted it on the wall, and its the first thing I saw when I enter the room. Hoho. Kadang2 naik meluat juga tgk muke diri sendiri. but i love it nevertheless. lain2: chocolate bouquet from mama, hamper in the box from ayah, billabong purse by sha, billabong handbag by eny, card from housemate, revolving photo frame from ain and nida. watever it is, its the thought that matters! takde hadiah pun taper ^_^)

my progress in cooking:

jeng jeng jengggg... mempersembahkannnn

my first ever ayam masak merah:

my first ever lasagna:

(looks yummy it tasted even better! (kasila cann nak perasan.hahaha))

Both are my favourite dishes so you should understand how proud I am to be able to cook all this all by myself (ok tipu. I did get help with the lasagna.haha.). mamaaaaa, anak mama ni da boleh kawen daaa.. hahahahahah. i wonder why I thought cooking was difficult. all you have to do is googled the recepi, just follow it step by step, alter it here and there and heyyy presto, there's a dish you can eat. i guess its really up to whether you want to try, or not. And there's always first step to everything, no matter how hard it seems. Takde orang yang lahir2 da terus pandai kann? =))

anddd last picture:

what I am up to tonight:

Yes. I am in the process of healing myself. Haha

Love all of you (whoever reading this) because of Allah

xoxo,

cik sar

2010-05-19T01:47:00.000+12:00

ade mood nak menulis. tapi takde idea. bagaimana kah? esok sajelah ok?

*ye, saye tahu entry ini pointless. just to let u guys know im still alive*

2010-05-07T18:49:00.001+12:00

akuharusmenjadimatangdengansegera. mesti!! go go go sarahh..u can do ittt

C.R.Y

2010-05-02T19:05:00.000+12:00

sometimes, crying is good

especially when you feel overwhelmed like there's a giant mountain on your shoulder

especially when you feel frustrated that something that you have worked so hard on didnt produce the result that you want

especially when you wondered if there is something wrong with how you do things that Allah refused to help you

especially when you are confused about the path that you have already chosen, whether you're on the right track

especially when you are going through a very big change, and only Allah knows how hard it is for you, struggling with yourself so that you wont revert to the old you

how i wish nobody would ever has to shed a tear of sadness, frustration, depression

but sometimes, crying helps

it wont solve the problem

but it let the heart speaks the words that the mouth cannot say

and it also made you realize your place in this world, that you are not invincible after all

and it made your heart return to Allah and seek for His help more

because, after all, its only by remembering Allah that the heart find peace and solace

doraeee maengg

2010-03-21T22:45:00.000+13:00

if doraemon's time machine really exists, i'll definitely go back to yesterday and hit yesterday's sarah on the head and drag her from the bed to the laptop for leaving today's sarah struggle with the mounting workloads, with high probability of many sleepless nights to come, all thanks for yesterday's sarah undying love of procrastinating and sleeping.

anyhow. yes, i am complaining yet again, as usual. but tonight I'll try my best to stick to my target, InsyaAllah. even if it means less stalking (dont worry, i wont stalk U. i only stalk attractive people. HAHA. joking!!!)

Orang Islam kena kuat dan tidak membuang masa! Marilah berjuangggg! huk!

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku dan rakan2 ku. Sesungguhnya Kaulah sebaik baik Penolong.. ameen

“Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.”- James Matthew Berry

2010-03-20T01:44:00.000+13:00

i need to grow up

i need to stop being upset and sad everytime it happens

i need to learn to let go

i need to

need to

O Allah, pls pls pls help me. SOS

sometimes I wonder what it is like to live in outerspace, far from this place. I heard there's no sound in space?

hari smlm dlm sejarah

2010-03-17T16:12:00.000+13:00

Dear blog,

i forgot to blog about this yesterday, but it is an event (well, 2 actually) so significant I decided not to just ignore it (although the excitement level is already low today. haha).

1) I succeeded in cooking one of my favorite dishes, unaided!! (i purposely kicked my housemates out of the kitchen). but i wont tell u what the dish was (it was so easy its embarassing I took pride in it). for those who still dont know, I am practically domestically disabled. But that is to improve this year. haha. I'll be cooking like a pro in no time, InsyaAllah (hoho sungguh yakin diri disitu), thanks to the unwritten rule by my housemates, that we take turns to cook every other day. Before this, all I did was helping with small things, like cooking the vegetables, chopping the onions, etc but I realized that I wont be making any big progress in cooking serious dishes if I continue just doing that. Although it was quite nerve-wrecking at first (and the kitchen I am working in closely resembles a ship wreck), I found satisfaction every time I succeeded (although the dishes I cooked so far were soooo easy most of you can cook with both eyes close), and more confident too. But im really hoping I'll be gaining more courage to cook the more complicated stuffs that can make my mama proud=))

2) I happened to sign up for a 3 months gym membership yesterday! Which means no more slacking around and telling myself "tomorrow.. tomorrow I'll start jogging" until the end of time. Haha. Da byr mahal kut. kalau malas jugak tak taula.. Resolution for this year: to go back to Malaysia less heavy than the previous years. Saya boleh! Saye mampu mengubahnye!! (hoho..we'll see.. if somehow it doesnt work out, please, please, please forget I've posted this. hahaha)

you know what, it is so great to have great friends that are so supportive no matter how sucks you are. heheh. say what? Alhamdulillah~

=))

annoyed

2010-03-17T01:02:00.000+13:00

sometimes it is really really annoying when u cant tell someone how annoyed you are with him/her because u have to consider his/her feeling.

sometimes i wish i can just stop being soo rational and proper and corteous, and tell people what i really want to say, straight out, nil hypocrisy

sometimes i wish i can figure out why the heck am i getting angry over nothing

musthavelostmymind

my life so far..

2010-02-27T16:55:00.000+13:00

crazy. but i love it. i love my new house. i love my housemates. i love having things to do. i love having things to look forward to. ~~i love assignment~~ . i love wellington. i love the weather. i love the view. i love love love. life is good.

thank you Allah !

p/s- mood baik sbb tak start kelas lagi. heheh

angkat anak gajah

2010-02-19T00:04:00.000+13:00

memandang penimbang dgn hati berdebar debar. dengan senget senget aku angkat beg yang rase mcm angkat anak gajah, letak atas penimbang. mengintai jarum penimbang dgn perasaan takut dan segan silu (aik?).

15 kg.

yeay yeay yeay. hati gembira. tambah lagi tambah lagi. tiada beg dan kasut yang bakal terkorban. semua pun boleh melancong ke new zealand hey!

Alhamdulillah.

(janganla penimbang tu sbenarnye rosak. huhu. kalau tak selame ni aku sbenarnye lagi gemuk la?? hoho)

escapism lagii

2010-02-18T21:24:00.000+13:00

the right side of the bed, founded:

two half-closed luggage destined to fly to new zealand this sunday, (which funnily and uncannily resemble a batu belah batu bertangkup with the victims struggling to escape from the doomed rocks) begging the owner with all their heart to start packing right away

the owner:

pura pura tak nampak. tido tido

Ni bkn aku jadi kucing. Bye bye mus. akak nak balik nz daa

in front of the bed, on the table, discovered:

an organizer, in it the hastily written 'what to do/buy' list which practically screaming to the owner that she hasnt buy the most important things yet: belated birthday presents for her mum and sister

happy bday dear sis(atie) and mama. i love u with all my heart

the owner:

checking her 2 years old roxy purse where its skin is peeling here and there (this is a HINT my dear friendss!! my bday is only 3 months away!! heheh). counting the money: rm 55.15 cents left. another important thing yet to buy: contact lenses stock for 16 months. cost: rm 20 x 16. you do the math. pejam mata. wondering where have all the money go. garu kepala yang tidak gatal. bermonolog pada diri sendiri "perlu lebih bijak mengurus wang bulan depan". ye. bulan dpn kita start ye.

ahhh. baik turun makan.

the begs and the organizer and the purse:

Oh God, please make this girl change. Or, please find us a new owner!!

Peace no war

i worry about the silliest things

2010-02-11T19:06:00.000+13:00

which proves how silly i can be at times (yes, at times, not ALL the times. i sincerely hope)

my mum called just now, "Da telefon Dell ke blom?"
"Blom" I answered nervously.
"ha call skarang" she pushed me

i cant believe she called me just to check whether I've called the support centre. and I do not know why I've been postponing/dreading calling them. its been 4 days since my mum gave me the number but I pretended that I can solve my laptop problems on my own. but still, i kept complaining to her. which was the reason she was pretty mad at me last night and thus causing her to nag (as a rule, my mum rarely nags, yes, she is a supercool mum. but no, not after last night)

i think one of the reasons i didnt call them yet is that I worry that they would actually have some mat saleh with american/british/new zealand accent as the technical people. yeah, stupid really when i actually can speak english (im going to be an english teacher for god sake!) but im just nervous that they would not understand what i am saying or I would be failing to describe my laptop problems correctly (im no techno freak, tq very much),etc2 (ye, saye nerves tak tentu pasal)

and my fear was totally unfounded as I discovered that the one who answered my call was actually computer-generated operator (yep, like the one you get when booking a cinema ticket). ~~haha, so much for practising~~
but no, the problem is not yet solved. sebabnya, my warranty has expired and therefore if wanting to have any further service, I need to renew the warranty. After furious investigation on the net on how much it would cost me, utk one year phone support je die charge RM 176! blom kne repair apape. haishhh. nak ke taknak? tapi naknye kalau balik nz computer jadi lebih kronik camne? huhuuu

well, still talking about worrying over the silliest things, i have one more fear:

I desperately think that I need a pair of sneaker (preferably a converse). the thing is I have this worry that if I happen to go to one of the converse stores, the sales boy/girl would give me funny look thinking:

"hish akak ni, da ~~tua2~~ besar2 pun nak bli kasut sneakers lagi. perasan budak2 la tu"

and i have even prepared my answer:

"saye nak bli utk adik saye la! haishh"

i dono. kalau kat overseas, it is normal to see grown ups (da beruban pun. tapi bdn fit la. pakcik2 kat malaysia muncit2. haha) wears sneakers casually. and i like dat. tapi kat malaysia susah kut nak jumpa camtu.

ntahla. maybe i am overthinking it. maybe i am rite-i AM silly. hoho.

hows that for an entry?

about a girl named sofea

2010-01-29T03:45:00.000+13:00

cheeky little cik piah

i've been wanting to do this for quite sometimes. i want to, because im afraid if i dont record the moments anywhere i would forget, as any normal human with fallible memory would. this is the entry about my youngest sibling, sofea, going to be 8 years old this year and the little things she did that i found amusing, and a tad unbelievable sometimes:

1.just 10 minutes ago, my mum is taking her to the clinic because her fever is not getting any better. my mum was already in the car. i was in the house, but I still can here the loud foot step she is making 'ketokketokketok' (okayy, aku serius tak reti buat bunyik kasut, but u get wat i mean rite??) , on the way to get to the car. Tak sampai 5 saat lepas tu dgr plak suara mama menjerit "sofeaaaaa!!! tukar kasuttt!!". Like i've guessed, she was actually wearing my mum's 3 inch stilettos. it was 5 size bigger, mind you. Was she seriously thinking she can get away wearing that shoes to the clinic? i seriously dont know.

2. Few days ago, my mum was already upstairs, ready for bed, while she was still lounging downstairs searching for her bantal busuk (this thing was suspected as barang biohazard at the airport when she came to visit me at NZ last year i tell youu) and my mum keep yelling from upstairs "sofeaaaa!! sofeaaa naik jom!" and being her, of course she didnt bother to reply. My mum was of course pissed off so she screamed "hey, tak menyahut pun ma panggil ye". And she did decided to menyahut after that, dgn muke selamba sambil naik tangga dan sambil menggigit bantal "safizaaaaaa!!" (which is my mother's name). hoh. ambik kau

3. Next incident is few months ago, the night my parents was going to the Mecca. Of course la at that time sedara mara semua datang melawat dan menghantar kan. So ramai laa. And ble ramai, biase la akan gamat bercerita ble berkumpul, so of course la bising kann, especially ble semua gelak serentak. Si budak sofea ni tahan duduk atas kat dlm bilik my mum, taknak turun langsung, salam pun xnk. My mum bising la suruh die turun. She whined and moaned "huuu, sofea taknak turun...diorg gelak2 mcm org minum arakkkk". hoho. terkejut skejap i dengar spekulasi beliau. entah ble plak die jumpe org mabuk pun. ni tak lain x bukan byk sgt tgk tv. nasib baik sedara2 aku tak dgr kau. hoho

4. This is after my parents had came back from their hajj. We decided to go to the port dickson for vacation. So hotel tu adela swimming pool kan. Lepas balik swimming budak sofea ni tahan tak nak pakai apape, elok je jalan sana sini dlm apartment kitorg tu . My mum (yes my mum again. i guess its part of the job to nag in order to get things done. pheuw. really looking 4ward to dat, not!!) of course la bising suruh die pakai baju. die pun masuk la bilik. ingat die nak gi carik baju la. skali ble die kuar bilik tercengang kitorg tgk die. My fourth sister, Wani called out to my mum "Ma, tgk sofea!". Instead of wearing her clothes like she is supposed to, she is now wrapping herself around the waist with a plastic for laundry.

5. This is few years back, (I think she is 4 or 5 years old at that time) it was a trip to Bali and we took the Air asia. Upon landing, kan biasela org beratur kat aisle dlm plane tu sementara nak tunggu pintu kapal terbang bukak..so adela sorg budak laki yang sebaya sofea yang tgh beratur area seats kitorg gak. Sofea ni plak dtg plak mood peramahnya tym tu. Die tanye la budak tu "Nama awak siape?" budak tu agaknya terkejut dgn ke-outspoken-an si sofea ataupun mungkin mak die ajar jgn ckp dgn strangers walaupun budak kecik, senyaap je, tak menjawab apapepun, toleh pun taknak. the plane suddenly was quite as if preparing for sofea next line: "ey, jgn buat bodola". okeh. time ni aku pandang jauh2, buat2 tak related dgn ini budak. takut gle nak pandang muka mak budak laki tu.waaaaa. nasib baik pintu bukak tym tu and kitorg bleh turun. fuhh. save by the door

6. This is last year, when she first entered the primary school. It was in the first week, i think, when kak we (the best maid in the world, a superwomen, almost) opened up her school beg and found her underwear inside the beg, wet and with a suspicious rectangular shaped dirt stained across the underwear. Kak we pun tanye la "ape ni sofea??". She answered "Sofea pegi tandas tadi, mase basuh kencing seluar terbasah kena air. Sofea pun sidai la bawah meja" (I figured it must be bawah meja, to be exact, kat tempat org letak kaki tu, which explains the shaped of the dirt). haaa. kreatip tak adik aku?? i really dont envy her class teacher. HAHA

abdul rahman and safiza's girlss amy, me, atie, wani, sofea

sbenarnye byk lagi. but da tak larat. haha. i hope i can show her this when she will be all elegant and feminine, reminding her, hah, dulu sofea tak la se elegant mane ponn. heheh. although im not ur favourite sister because i keep complaining about you playing too much computer and keep being angry when you refused to pray (sebab takut dgn sejadah lepas tgk kat berita sejadah sembahyang sendiri. ade ke. patutnye lebih insaf), you shud know, I love you, although i cant always show or express it. mmuahhhh

nmpk sgt aku bosan duk umah. hahah.

oops i did it again

2010-01-28T22:24:00.000+13:00

hidup bukan drama.

that was the mantra from one of my good frens, Mira Shaifuddin (mira kalau ko bace ni sure ko bangga kan aku sbut name ko??). Let me tell you a little about her, a delightful character that Im glad i have the chance to meet in the course of my life. She is a crazy little girl, with a loud laugh that is infectious, has mood swings that can scares the hell out of everybody when she suddenly cries without a reason, loves gossiping (who doesnt? ok ok, time to change!!) but nevertheless, lovable to the end. But one thing that stood out about her is her love for Hindi movies. Trust me. Nobody beats her love for Hindi movies. Even those people from India that we met in Wellington was impressed by her knowledge of the Bollywood world. She watches those movies so frequently that she can even speak Hindi fluently and can watch the movies without the subtitles, and also sing all the songs without missing a beat. Im not talking about the famous Hindi movies such as Kuch2 Hota Hai or Dil to Pagal hai (ni zmn ble punye citer ni sarah oii) but the movies that the mainstream people wudden even heard of.

Well, therefore, its not a wonder that her idea of a perfect relationship is somewhat very much influenced by those storyline (yang of course hero die mesti hensem, mesti kaya, mesti tinggi, romantic, dan yang paling utama skali, jalan percintaan yang hebat!), which, in real life, she realized, we are brutally hit by the fact that well, 'hidup bukan drama'.

Fnab, me and Mira si penggemar hindustan

In Mira's case, its hindi movies, but in general, its the EVIL mass media (and yes, that includes Korean dramas, novel2 abad ke 21, gossip girl, ~~cinta Balqis~~ (erk, tetibe)) that created our unrealistic expectations on life, specifically on romantic relationship. As a result, we often feel disappointed by our own life that lacks adventure,pancaroba (ecewah, pancaroba tuhh, gli plak), interesting story line worth telling your grandchildren about, and therefore be less grateful for what we have.

But I guess for myself, what affects me the most is not really wat is portrayed by the mass media (tak kate tak affect langsung, of course la ade effect nye sket2 ye, ok tipu, byk la jugak) but what i read in blogs, because it happens to real people, not to actors and actresses that we know are just acting out a product of mere imaginations.

I know i cant talk about how jealous I am for some people who is lucky enough to have a love story worth writing about without sounding pathetic,HAHA but I guess i cant lie that I am. a little bit (yelatu) envious. yela, im just normal human. eh,but wait, blogs are also considered as a media! see? i've told you media is evil. heheh. i shud just live in the era where the only media we can found is newspaper and radio. no fb. no blogs. so i wont be foolishly comparing my life with others. but since I am living in 2010, i guess my solution for now is to go to blogs that talks about more islamic things instead, or to blogs that write about Palestinian and war victims maybe, so I can see how blessed actually I am to lead this little boring life of mine. Huh? boring?? Wait a minute:

I am blessed with the chance to study in NZ

I am blessed with the chance with crazy friends who is not afraid to make a fool of themselves for a good laugh (uhh, my hands look funny in dis pic)

I am blessed with the chance to visit LOTR's set (the one who is looking at my beauty (kasila cann) with disgust and envy is Gollum by the way)

I am blessed with good friends that I would cherish to the end (ye traktor tu mmg kacau daun)

aaaanddd.. a beautiful family members with all sorts of characteristics that I love to bits!

my life is definitely not boring. Alhamdulillah!

wah. ape aku mengarut panjang2 nih?

p/s-suke la tu sha gmbr die byk. heheh

finally, something to talk about

2010-01-22T05:14:00.000+13:00

da lame rasenye tak mencemar duli di blog sendiri. ble pegi blog org lain, rase mcm best plak nak tulis something. tapi ble da start type, mesti tiba2 timbul satu mood yang buat diri menkenselkan hajat utk menulis. biasenye sbb rase benda yang nak dicerita tu tak intresting, sbb x tau nak express dgn sbetulnya, sbb lost for words utk menggambarkan perasaan diri yang sbenarnye, sbb rase takde sbb nak cerita pada dunia tentang kehidupan yang membosankan, sbb rase penulisan saye tak menarik dan tak sewitty blog org lain. tapi xpe, sbb nak melarikan diri dari buat benda yang spatutnye punye pasal, saye sanggup bertungkus lumus tulis blog. heheh. (just like old times when i write blogs as an escapism from the ever ferocious assignmentss. hoh. old times la sgt!)

so new things about my life so far:

1. I've gotten over my obsessions of korean dramas (well, korean cuties to be exact, Boys Over Flowers' main hero to be precise). U dont know how terrible my obsession can be. Unless u are my housemate and share the same internet connection and realized how often i am hooked on the internet just to satisfy my obsession of the day (and this ranges from a hero of a new released movies such as Robert Pattinson to reality tv stars,such as, err,, tomok. ok, too much information,ehem.) My obsession is so bad that I can be moody, restless, numb, irrational, for one week just thinking about them. there was this one time when I was obsessed over Star Wars characters- Anakin and Amidala, about how tragic and ironic their love is that I almost went crazy being sad for them! Ye, mmg menakutkan ble saye obsess.

So wat change? This one website changed me. Changed me to the extent I want to be a completely different person. This website basically talks about the ways the Kufar has clouded our mind, judgement, our way of thinking about the world and the way we are 'supposed' to lead our lives,etc. by using many ways, dominantly through the mass media and entertainment that we no longer live our lives the way Allah wants us to. This website main aim is to wake the Muslims up and free our mind from all those propaganda that is just there to ruin us, now, and hereafter.

I TOTALLY recommend you guys to check it out. One of the article I read at the blog was about Dajal, and this one really freaked me out. Freaked me out to the extent saye takut dan saye insaf. Kne bace sendiri utk rase. Kite mungkin rase, ala, lame lagi kut kiamat. Rileks lar. ye ke? tahun baru hari tu gerhana bulan dan gerhana matahari terjadi hanye selang seminggu from each other, and both on Friday. tahun baru hari tu jugak kite dikejutkan dgn mcm2 bencana alam di merata dunia. Mcm mane kalau? so BE PREPARE. semoga kite tak termasuk dlm golongan2 yang menyesal, AMIN YA ALLAH.

that is why, saye berazam utk menjadi muslimah yang lebih baik selepas ini. cube. dan doa jugak bersungguh sungguh Allah tetapkan iman. and saye harap kalau saye lupe, ble bace balik blog ni, saye ingat.

2. On a different note, saye ade buah hati baru (mesti korg kate apehal lak, tadi insaf2 tetibe citer pasal buah hati plak, rileks2, dgr dulu). Name die muszaphar. ala, mcm name angkasawan kite tu la. hensemm. die ni mmg demand my undivided attention la, ketip kuku pun x boleh, nak type2 kat laptop pun x boleh. ngada tul. tidor nak same2, kalau i bangun lmbt die sibuk bising2. die suke ble org garu2 badan die.huh? hehe. unfortunately, he is just a cat..hehehe..oh, tapi bestla ble ade org (oit kucing tu org ke?) nak bermanja manja dgn kita. adik2 i sume da besar2, i buat ngada2 nak peluk pun die jual mahal. kuang asam tul.

Encik mus, buah ati terbaru

3. Saye menghadapi mid 20's crisis.haa. org biase dgr mid age crisis je kann. tapi mmg wujud la crisis ni. cleo pun ckp. i ingat i sorg2 jek yang rase mcm tu. ramai ngupenye. it all started during my visit to Terengganu almost two weeks ago. mase tu gi pasar payang. so mase tanye2 kat salesgirl tu saye da terbiase panggil "kak", skali salesgirl tu tanye, "ni umur brape?" saye jwbla "22", rupe2nye die lagi muda, baru 21. huhu. skali kwn saye menyampuk "22 ape sarah, tahun ni nak masuk 23 laa" 23 u know! 23!ohhh.. terus tertekan ble sedar or dlm bahasa terengganunye "tekkanggg!!". sbbnye saye rase umur ni umur yang org da label as 'dewasa', when in reality i dont feel like an adult at all! keje pun x lagi, masak pun x pandai lagi, future pun x nmpk lagi. menakutkannnnnnnnnnnn. org kiri kanan da kerja, org kiri kanan da kawin. wahhhhhh, da pressure!!

but i guess for now i just have to go with the flow. yela, susah hati tak tentu pasal pun bukan bleh buat apape kan. and I pray that Allah wud give me the best. yang mane boleh improve i'll improve, insyaAllah..

Mendengar dgn tekun nasihat bagaimana menangani mid 20's crisis oleh Dr Eny sambil comot memakan roti

4. And last but not least, wats new with me? Im going to Indonesia tomorrow! the flight is at 9.30 a.m and i havent pack anything yet! packing is my least favourite activity in the world! how am i suppose to pack lightly when everything seems important to me (different shoes suit differents clothes right??) pray for me a safe journey (yes, with all the recent earthquakes going on around the world, it is quite nervewrecking, but u die when u die right, even at your own house, in your own room). To anyone who is reading this(which I very much doubt), have a good weekend ahead, jgn gembira sampai lupe Allah.=))

p/s- i am trying to change my look. to be more muslimah, which means more covered, more sopan, doakan ditetapkan hati!!

and muszaphar just use my precious leather handbag as his scratching post!! tidakkkkkkkkkkk

aku x suke ble

2009-12-02T05:15:00.000+13:00

aku x suke ble aku x boleh ckp secare terus terang yang aku sbenarnye x suke sesuatu benda tu. contohnye, aku x ske kwn aku smoking ble lepak dgn aku sbbnye 1) aku mmg x ske kwn2 aku smoking, especially perempuan, sgt tak manis kelihatannya (ye aku tau, aku x merokok pun xdela aku nmpk manes, but watever), dan juga (kne ke bagitau utk kesekian kalinya?) merokok itu membahayakan kesihatan (as obviously ditunjukkan dlm gmbr2 amaran di atas kotak2 rokok itu) 2)aku x boleh nak mkn dgn bau asap rokok melilau lilau kat idong aku.

sadly enough, aku adalah jenis org yang x reti nak berkata tidak even padahal aku x suke (sbb tu la aku sering terpedaya dgn sales girl/sales men). ble aku ckp kau ingat aku gurau2, padahal aku ckp yg btul. org kate aku cute sbb ckp lepas dgn blurnye(ntah ape yg cutenye aku x phm). if only once in a while people wud take me seriously. if only people wud understand that i really speak from my heart and bukannye mengeluarkan ayat2 pedas utk membuat mereka tertawa.

haish. entahle

fool fool fool

2009-11-22T04:16:00.000+13:00

Oh.my.God

I might have just stupidly gone out of my way to make a big fool out of myself (which, I can assure you, not for the first time and positively, wont be the last time either).

about hope

2009-11-18T04:05:00.000+13:00

I hate myself for hoping. because it exposes myself to the risk of being dissapointed, dejected, rejected, feeling unworthy, low self esteem,etc2 (feel free to add the synonyms).

sometimes i hope good things can just happen when i wasn't expecting it. so i dont have to go through the misery and torture of waiting, being afraid, being unsure, and all sorts of other turmoils. But will those unexpected things taste as sweet and as good as something that finally goes out my way after all the times i have spent hoping and waiting?

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”- anonymous

p/s- im not making any sense tonight, I know. and its intended that way. wahaha. sorry for the unsophisticated observation of hope. im just writing about wat i feel so I can feel better. and i already am =)

wise wise words

2009-10-11T17:42:00.000+13:00

i actually saw this at my fren's fb status and i knew i had to write it down somewhere because it is so so wise. i wonder who is the creator. wise2 person. so here goes:

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."

i love it.

not for the faint hearted who lives in wellington (sambungan)

2009-10-06T22:15:00.000+13:00

tak sangka pule ade permintaan yg tinggi utk cerita ini..hahaha.. malu je kalau sebenarnye tak best mane kann..well, at least i succeeded in creating the sense of anticipation, didnt i??

okla, ceritanye, weekend aritu, saye ke rumah jiran saye yg bernama K (ecece, cam secret sgt je kann, u know who i meant) utk mengambil movie dari hard disk nye (tgk bdk ni, tak sedar diri esaimen tak buat lagi). kebetulan aritu seorg abg bernama R pun ade jugak kat rumah K sbb nak amik movie gak (oh, sblm tu, abg R blanje kami aiskrem harini, terima kasih abg R!! semoga murah rezki dan boleh blanje lagi). Abg R ni tinggal jauh sket dari kwsn perumahan kitorg, kne jalan 20 minit camtu baru sampai. die slalu lepak2 rumah si K ni dan balik lewat mlm ke rumahnye.

out of curiosity, saye pun tanyela "pnah tak kne kacau?". soalan tu sbenarnya bertanyekan same ade pernah tak kene kacau dgn mat2 atau minah2 mabuk.. biasela negara org putih ni, asal malam je mabuk pastu jerit2 kacau org pastuh kencing merata rata (ni takde kne mengena, tapi jijik jugak). tapi si abg R ni pulak interpret soalan tu as "pnah tak kne kacau dgn hangtu ah".. aduhaii..

"maksud sarah kne kcau dgn benda2 tu ke?" tanye beliau meminta kepastian. padahal taknak tau pun pasal ni, tapi tula, i've always been fascinated by the things im scared of. "Oh, pernah ke?" tanye saye dgn semangat dan rase ingin tahu yg tinggi yang sudahnye membawa kesusahan pada diri sendiri.

"tak pnahh, tapi org lain pernah laa" kate die. "Tau tak simpang bla bla bla tu?" (die takdela sbut "bla bla bla" ye kwn2. bla bla bla sbb saye tak ingat exactly name simpang tu, tapi saye boleh agak2 la kat mane).

"ha, tauu"kataku, sambil merapatkan bdn kpd kwnku E. "kat situ da dua kali org nampak pon***nak (some letters are being ommited because the writer is concern it will be too much for some readers to take, or perhaps, for the writer herself to take)

"haa?? biar betul? kat nz pun ade gak pon***nak??" kataku, tak percaya.

abg R angguk. "maybe benda tu ikut die kut dari malaysia" aduhaiiii.. meremang aku kejapp.. bleh plak ikut2 kan..

dan aku pule dgn bodohnye bertanye pulak camne bentuk rupe makhluk yang ditemui itu. bodoh bodoh bodohhhh!!! dan abd R tu pun cerita la.. (saye taknak citer la camne rupe die, phm2 sendiri la rupe standard die tu, saye taknak tak boleh tido pule mlm ni)

si K pulak gi tmbh cerita2 seram ekslusif dari malaysia. I should have stopped them, but like I've mentioned above, ive always been fascinated and attracted to that kind of stories, so i continue to probe and listened. i can feel the fear creeping, enveloping me.

saye yang asalnye duduk atas kerusi, terus melompat bersila di bwh sbb da rase cuak.. "wey K, teman kitorg balik umah tau nanti" desak ku.walaupun sbenarnye rumah kitorg 2 minit je jaraknya. mungkin sbb nmpk sgt muka aku yang da ketakutan dan cuak, abg R pun mengeluarkan mathurat dari begnya dan suruh aku bace maksud ayat2 yang boleh dijadikan pelindung. kasi nasihat jugak. "jangan takut sgt, anggap benda2 tu makhluk Allah yang lain, contohnya mcm kucing tu, die takde kuasa pun" Im still not convinced. barula skang aku menyesal gi tanye lebih2. "takut sgt pada benda ni boleh bwk kpd syirik sarah" ok, aku da rase berdosa dan takut syirik. tapi aku still tak berjaya hilangkan takut jugak.

"ingat, benda tu lagi suke kacau kalau kita takut". Ok. ayat ni la yang buat aku traumatized. sbbnye, camne ni, aku da pun takut. so dlm otak aku mmg byg benda2 ni nak attack aku sbb aku da takut tadi. bygkan, aku nak masuk toilet pun aku keluar balik, sbbnye ble basuh muke, aku takut kat cermin tu nmpk benda lain. ble duduk kat jmbn,aku takut ade tgn menjulur dari luar. ye, aku boleh jadi sgt kreatif ble takut. ble buat esaimen tak bleh plak pandai mcm ni. mlm tu aku sendiri terkejut dgn betapa penakutnye aku. tak sangka sampai boleh thp mcm tu.

ya Allah, teruknya hambaMu ini. guys, pls nasihatkan aku supaya tak jadi penakut sgt. huhu.

hoho..tu la ceritanye.. tak lah seram mane pun kan? tapi mlm tu aku mmg seram kut. sbb selama ni tak expect benda2 tu boleh jadi gak kat negara omputih ni..huhu..

p/s-haha, sorry la, tadi memula start as "saye" da bertukar jadi "aku" plak sbb syok sgt cerita

not for the faint hearted who lives in wellington

2009-10-06T01:05:00.000+13:00

hehe. cam gempak je kan tajuk entry kali ni. and org2 yang kenal rapat dgn saye mesti terlintas di dlm otaknye berkata "heh?dis coming from sarah yang penakut tu? tak logik tak logik.."

sbb saye penakut la saye da 2 kali membatalkan hasrat saye utk tulis pasal benda ni. tapi mlm ni, under the duvet and gebar yang berjaye di panaskan oleh electric blanket, dlm kesamaran mencari2 papan kekunci yang tepat utk ditekan hanya dgn bantuan lampu screen laptop,dan dgn bateri laptop pink ku yang tinggal 75% je remaining (bateri sudah memberi warning minta diganti, ngaaaaa, duit lagiiiii), saye nak citer jugak. sbb saye rase benda ni intresting utk dicerita. lagipun jarang skali ade benda menarik boleh diceritakan so ble ade peluang tak patut dilepaskan, setuju? (aish, panjang pule mukadimah budak ni. kalaula menaip esaimen pun boleh sepanjang dan sepantas ni, tentu da boleh packing2 baju tunggu waktu balik malaysia)

sbenarnye citer die pasal ni.. slame duduk kat nz ni kan, ramai rakan2 sependapat mengatakan bahwa mereka rase lebih berani ble ade kat sini berbanding kat malaysia. berani mcm mana tu? berani dgn manusia, contohnye the probability of kne ragut, kne kacau di siul siulkan oleh lelaki yg biul ble jalan sorg2 sgt tipis la kat sini. (mungkin sbb mereka lebih berminat curik bank, ehhh, tp x jugakk, and mungkin juge sbb perempuan melayu yang menutup aurat tak menarik berbanding yang lebih terdedah dan menjemput utk dpandang, terima kasih ya Allah!!).

lagi satu, berani juge dgn bukan manusia sbbnye ble balik malam pun x rase takut mcm kat malaysia, kononye takde hangtu ah (paham tak hangtu ah tu ape? buang huruf 'g' dan 'ah' utk perkataan sbenar) kat sini sbb org kat sini tak percaya benda2 tu, so die tak wujud kata mereka. pastu diorg ckp kalau wujud pun mesti kelakar sbb die rupe mat saleh, ala2 dracula dan sbgainye la kan. haa, tapi tapi tapi, btul ke sangkaan tu semua?? rupe2nye....

nak sambung esok ble da siang. sbb saye cuak nak abes citer malam ni.. trauma masih blum sembuh rupenye. haish.. slamat malam dan assalamualaikum. apape pun, Allah yang paling berkuasa!!

lift my spirit, please

2009-09-14T12:26:00.000+12:00

knape
tahun ni tak rase excited langsung nak raya
adekah masa mudaku sudah semakin menghilang
adekah mungkin juga sikap suke melembab lembabkan diri menyelesaikan tugasan sudah memakan diri? *padan muka*

ahhhh.sedeh=(

salam perantauan

2009-09-14T00:00:00.000+12:00

today i sent this photo to metro (since the chance for us to come out in the utusan/berita harian is out of question because of their popularity and its already too late anyway). Maka mari membeli metro!! hehe=)

when u feel like u're nothing special

2009-09-03T01:22:00.000+12:00

dis is from an email my mum sent me.. hope it can inspires others like it has inspired me

Just Beautiful!!

What makes me weak? My fears.....

What makes me whole? My God.

What keeps me standing? My faith.

What makes me compassionate? My selflessness.

What makes me honest? My integrity.

What sustains my mind? My quest for knowledge.

What teaches me all lessons? My mistakes.

What lift's my head high? My pride, not arrogance.

What if I can't go on? Not an option.

What makes me victorious? My courage to climb.

What makes me competent? My confidence .

What makes me sensual? My insatiable essence.

What makes me beautiful? My everything.

What makes me a woman? My heart .

Who says I need love? I do.

What empowers me? My God & Me.

Who am I? I AM A PROUD STRONG WOMAN!

A letter from a Christian to Muslim women (March 7th, 2007)

2009-08-27T20:11:00.000+12:00

I was blog hopping when i came across this article. i was touched by how there are people from other religion that see muslim women as a symbol of purity and honour.

I think its time we live up to it

By Joanna Francis
Writer, Journalist - USA

Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice. I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness.

Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.

Through Temptation

They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison. There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes.

They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti-depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.

Self-Value

I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6). Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you.

The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead. Only to leave her too!

Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.

A Woman’s Heart

I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre-marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us, just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears.

Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart. We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love.

Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.

Self-Denial

Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated.

We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot. Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is really supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity. Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration. From your Christian sister with love

who knew..

2009-08-26T22:30:00.000+12:00

who knew being a teacher would be this hard. definitely not me

*aku lelah dgn penat. oh Allah, kuatkan!*

sometimes we just need to kick ourselves

2009-08-24T21:56:00.000+12:00

i never thought i would say this but today apparently i will:

I CANT WAIT FOR MY MID TRIMESTER BREAK TO BE OVER

and it is all thanks to the teaching experience durjana that I have to go through this two week.
it is only the first day of my teaching experience and im feeling that my life has been drained out of me. im. totally. knackered. when i havent really started yet. all i did was observing how my associate teacher teach and manage the classroom and once in a while I try to appear intrested in what the kids are doing (while they must think that im such a bz body to keep peering over their homeworks)

now i totally understand how it feels to be in the working force. now i totally get it why people say studying is the best stage of life no matter how psycho it can make u feels at time.

it makes me afraid to be in the real world. huhu.

well, but this is the path i chose, although i complained a lot, im not going to back out.
because I know, Allah had destined me to take this profession for a reason. and one reason I can think of is because it is a very good channel for Da'wah. so persevere sarah!! whenever i feel that things are going tough, i always remember this ayat from Quran:

( فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرًا (٥) إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرً۬ا (٦

which means: "So, verily, with every difficulty, there's a relief (5) Verily, with every difficulty there's a relief (6) [Al-Insyirah]

beautiful2 verse, with a beautiful2 meaning, as if talking directly to me.

I should know better: Org Islam mesti berjiwa besar! we muslims must be strong!!

p/s- I really2 miss reciting to His love letter *cry*

makhluk yang asing

2009-08-19T11:51:00.000+12:00

Rasulullah s.a.w pernah bersabda

"Sesungguhnya Islam datang dalam keadaan asing dan akan kembali dalam keadaan asing sebagaimana awalnya, maka beruntunglah orang-orang yang terasing“.

Para sahabat kemudian bertanya: "Siapa orang-orang asing Ya Rasulullah?’ ‘Mereka adalah orang-orang yang melakukan perbaikan ketika orang-orang mulai melakukan kerusakan." (HR. Ath-Thabrani).

aku ingin jadi org2 yg terasing itu. O Allah, pls count me in!!

sape name die faraha angkat tgn!! =)

2009-08-18T17:20:00.000+12:00

still by the same poet master, Hafez , and since u enjoyed it so much dis tym I dedicated this for u

When I want to kiss God

When
No one is looking

I swallow deserts and clouds
And chew on mountains knowing
They are sweet
Bones!

When no one is looking and I want
To Kiss
God

I just lift my own hand
To
My
Mouth

(taken from The Gift,translated by Daniel Ladinsky)

What a sweet2 poem. dont u think?

MY pictures,NOT yours

2009-08-18T11:30:00.000+12:00

this is what i just find out from an old friend. that he has been keeping my pictures. and this is what i feel.

i hate it when people take my personal belonging without my permission. and yes, that include stealing my pictures from the facebook. no, its not ok. yes, i am also to blame. i should have known this would be the risk of uploading your pictures online. I used to not care whether people wants to take keep my picture in their laptop. but i now i DO care. because its wrong. now that i am aware i dont like thinking about what will they do with my pictures. it is also wrong because it shows how obsess u are. when u shouldnt be obsess with human beings more than u are obsess with your God. do u think Allah will like the act you keeping the picture of a women who is not your mahram? and truly Allah is the best judge of your intention. if u know better, u'll delete the pictures.

For a single Tear

2009-08-16T14:26:00.000+12:00

For a Single Tear

I
Know of beauty
That no one has ever
Known

How could that be possible
When I may seem
So new in infinite time?

It is because Allah belongs to only you!

Did u hear that?
Did u hear what Hafiz just said?

God belongs to only you!
It is the only reasonable payment
For a single
Tear

-Hafiz, a great Sufi master

I found this one book of translated poem by a muslim poet yesterday at the mosque open day.
cant get over the beauty and the wisdom of the words in describing his love for the one and only God, Allah. so i decided to write down some of it. what do u think?

terlebih

2009-08-11T20:25:00.000+12:00

saye rase saye da terlebih mkn. well,bkn rase, mmg pun.
kwn2, ingat ye, kalau da tau kejap lagi nak dinner, jgn mkn 3 keping roti sambil berserta biskut biskutan cecah air teh o panas diikuti dgn sushi. nanti jadi mcm saye. semput.

tula, nabi da pesan da tak elok mkn byk sgt. tak dgr. ikut sgt nafsu. huhu. tak ikut ckp nabi nilah jadinye.

ive vowed not to complain but pls pls pls allow me this one chance. i want this week to end fast!! its been a crazy bz week. assignment yang ntah btul ntah tak. islamic awareness week to handle. and dont get me started on the mdia 102 tute tomorrow which I absolutely loath.

but next week is not going to get any easier either. 2 test back to back!! and with NO holiday to look forward to!! tak aci wuwu. nape teaching experience kne amik sampai 2 minggu..huhu. there goes my holiday. 2 weeks. burn just like dat.

ntahla ntahla ntahla. dont kno wat to think. dont want to think.

kate2 pemujuk kpd diri sendiri: takpe sarah, bertahan, org islam kne kuat!! ni amanah, ko dihantar ke sini mmg suruh belajar pun, bkn bercuti. jihad melawan nafsu!!

berusaha!! hiyahh!!!

push me

2009-08-08T19:46:00.000+12:00

once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator. well, at least in my case. huhu.

I intended on starting my MDIA 102 assignment since last monday and guess what, its already saturday and I havent written a word.zero. nada

bkn taknak buat. saye btul2 tak tau nak buat camne. and i cant help but questioning myself whether taking this paper is really the right decision? helpppppppppppppppppp.

sbb cuak sgt tak start apape lagi, i type the question. kunun2 menyedapkan hati da taip sket. (YELATU SARAHHH!! soalan tak masuk dalam wordcounts ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

takutnye takutnye takutnyeeeeeeeeeeeeee... so malam ni nak tak nak kne try gak at least da type 500, ok??? jgn berlengah lengah lagi wahai diri sendiri.

u can do it!! huk!!

xpe2. pasni solat hajat mintak tolong Allah mudahkan. sesungguhnye Dia lah sandaran terbaik.
berusahaaaaa!!!

sape2 yang bace post ni sorylah sbb post ni merapu. (oh, mcm sebelum ni tak merapu je cik sarrr.)
i need to write this in order to push myself. da byk sgt memain,huhu. ok, go sarah go!! lwan setan montel yang bergayut gayut kat mate tu

anyway,today i am thankful to Allah for:

keeping my loved ones safe wherever they are and for the biggest nikmat: iman and islam

p/s- i miss vacationing with my family. i miss vacation. which is not coming anytime soon. haish. sarah, remember u've vowed to urself dat u will stop grumbling??

ble nak sedar

2009-08-05T23:53:00.000+12:00

thanks to a friend, today she shared with me a video on utube regarding palestin.

palestin is not a new issue indeed. the cruelty of the jews towards the muslims there has been going on for far too long while the world watch and do practically nothing to change the situation. (oh, OIC tu jgn ckpla.setakat ooo i see..)

boikot pun bermusim. ble media tgh hebat tayangkan peperangan kat palestin barula semua pun rase guilty nak mkn mcD, KFC. tapi ble media dah reda sket, mule balik sokong barang2 yahudi tu.

oh, kalau lah kite rase sendiri teruknya org islam kne torture, anak dibunuh dpn mata sendiri, saudara perempuan kita diperkosa, budak2 kecik dipijak pijak dan diluku luku oleh yahudi laknatullah kat negara diorg sendiri dgn duit yang kita byr utk beli brg keluaran yahudi dgn alasan 'tak tahan', mungkin kita takkan sanggup keluar duit utk diorg.

semoga aku akan tegar memboikot brgn yahudi, aminn..

lagi satu yg buat aku tergerak nak menulis malam ni, aku rase sedih ble compare org melayu kita ni, yang diberi nikmat aman, diberi peluang belajar oversea, tapi kufur nikmat. kite hidup aman damai tapi berapa ramai yang hidup dlm maksiat. bangga letak gmbr pergi club kat facebook, bangga tayang gmbr pegang botol arak, berpeluk pelukan laki perempuan. tak ingat Allah.

mungkin korg patut dicampakkan ke palestin. mungkin baru sedar. mungkin korg baru ingat Allah.

tapi utk sekarang, ape yang aku boleh buat, ialah doakan semoga shbt2ku berubah, semoga Allah berikan kita semua hidayah. sbb semua manusia mmg dilahirkan baik. sbb sbg manusia, aku sayang mereka semua kerana Allah.

melayu, sedarlah betapa kita semakin jauh dari landasan Allah. tak mustahil Allah turunkan bala kat malaysia sbg balasan kekufuran kita. ble mcm tu, sempat kah kita kembali pada Allah?

just because

2009-08-01T23:31:00.000+12:00

just because u share everything with that person doesnt mean that that person will do the same to you
i guess just because that person really means a lot to you doesnt mean he/she will feel the same way too

well, just because.

stop being nosy, u.. learn how to.

saye kne tag

2009-07-11T23:01:00.000+12:00

saye kne tag dek choji.and oleh kerana saye sangat sangap malam ni, so here goes:

Sometimes I just need:
-people to have faith in me more than I have faith in myself. someone who believe i can do it even when im not feeling so sure.

Sometimes I want:
-my life to be as sweet as fairy tales. which is impossible. because life is not as predictable but that wat makes life more interesting.

Sometimes I like to:
-stay at my home sweet home doing nothing and savour the time with my loved ones

Sometimes all it takes:
- is for people to take the times to say 'are u ok?' to mend my heart's pain

Sometimes I picture:
- wat my life would be like if i am richer. wud i be the same sarah? wud i be better? wud i be someone that i would hate?

Sometimes I wish:
-everyone, everyone, gets their happy ending. myself included

Sometimes I find:
-the world nowadays is a terrible terrible place to live in. and i feel so helpless to change a thing

Sometimes I take:
-time to heal the pain someone i love a lot has inflicted on me

Sometimes I look:
-up to someone but they end up hurting me

Sometimes I hate:
-how people choose to hurt others at the expend of their own happiness.why oh why??

Sometimes it’s nice:
- if someone do something sweet for you

Sometimes it hurts:
- when people fails to appreciate what u have done for them

Sometimes it makes me happy:
- to know that somewhere in some part of the world, there are people who are doing good for other people

Sometimes it’s sad:
-to realize how us muslim have gone too far astrayed from the one true perfect straight path that Allah has laid for us

Sometimes I listen:
- to other people's problem but i wonder if they ever think of me as a good listener

Sometimes I sleep:
- to pretend that everything would be alright when I wake up again

Sometimes I like to watch:
- beautiful people.haha

Sometimes I feel:
- that people dont understand me enough. i am truly more that meets the eye

tag ni sbenarnye panjang lagi. tapi sudah tak larat.
sape2 yang sudi nak buat, silakan

selamat malam duniaa
saye

hari yang tidak berapa nak best

2009-07-03T21:53:00.000+12:00

hari ni tetibe dpt email pasal placement utk teaching experience. ok. sgt jauh tempat yang aku kne mengajar. da la sengsorang. huu. sbenarnye ble tgk alamat skolah tu di lower hutt, aku x berperasaan pun sbb aku tak bleh byg pun kat mane sbenarnye lower hutt itu (ye, my sense of direction is terrible. kalau ade award kpd org yang paling blur pasal jalan ni aku mmg boleh menang).

'jauh tu', kata eny. slps merisik kawan2 lain punye teaching placement jugak, jelaslah bahawa aku dpt skola yang paling jauh. dan googling tempat tu di internet tidak membantu meredhakan keresahan dan susah hatiku. sbb tak phm. dan complicated. dan sgt sgt jauh dari bandar wellington. buat aku lg sgt cemas. pukul brape nak bangun. kne naik kereta api ke ape. kalau sesat sorg2 mcm mane. kalau kne buli dgn students camne. nak solat kat mane. ni pergi bulan puase, sempat ke tak nak berbuka kat umah. dan mcm2 lagi soalan yang menyesakkan otak aku yang tak berapa nak berfungsi di pagi hari (hah, pagi ke??mcm da tgh hari je kau bgn sarah).

air mata pun bergenang. dpt pule msg dari sha yang tersalah antar tapi berckp pasal aku (haha, sha, slalu sgt tersilap antar kan). tak tau la patutnye antar kat sape. msg simpati tapi buat aku rase bengang. emo sorg2 rase bengang sbb rase org mcm pandang rendah kebolehan aku utk survive sorg2. reply balik dgn emonye. dan hampir mencetuskan pergaduhan antara kitorg. sorry sha, kite kebudak budakan tadi. terima kasih sbb tak balas api dgn api. kite yang emo hari ni. mungkin sbb gelabah dpt skola yang jauh dan tak tau camne nak pergi. mungkin juge sbb Allah mentakdirkan hari ni utk kite berasa tidak sihat. serabut. ble dgr ade sahabat yang da terkena swine flue, kite pun mule risau yang bukan2 (harapnye bukan2 lah)

tapi ble bace balik email yang dpt lepas tu aku lega sket lah, sbb insyaAllah akan diberi briefing camne nak ke skola2 itu. and ble da petang tu aku da boleh berfikir dgn rational and positive sket. chill la sarah, ni la masenye nak berdikari and tunjukkan kat kwn2 kau kau boleh survive sendiri.

hari ni blog aku bernada lain sket kan. mungkin sbb baru lepas tgk cerita Kami the movie. haha. senangnye aku terpengaruh. haip2.

oh, and pasal cerita Kami ni. agak menarik sbb die sempoi je, pelakon die tak nmpk cam blakon, tak macam cerita2 yang trying-too-hard spt cerita2 melayu kebanyakannya. mmg menarik kalau kite tgk from the surface level. yang kurangnya ialah cerita ni cam takde msg yg baik. ok, maybe die nak paparkan kisah persahabatan, and then wat else? die portray cara hidup remaja zmn skang yang sneek out malam2 sbb nak gi tgk gig, yang amik dadah ble tension, yang sanggup jual dadah sbb nk duit (does it make it better if u just sell tapi tak mkn dadah tu? NO). takde langsung scene yang tunjuk budak2 ni solat. nape ye? adekah nmpk kurang moden ble bersolat? citer ni cam nak suggest cam cool la budak2 yg gi gig ni. pompuan islam pakai baju seksi sket tu biasela. ala, remaja kann. so much for 'negara islam'. we must watch out wat we are allowing our media to portray and promote. melayu skarang ni cam da makin hilang identity. and they are proud of it. i guess its up to us yang phm pasal issue agama dan identity melayu to make a change. it might be a slow process, but its not impossible, insyaAllah.

oh. daku da melalut lalut
sakit, cptla sembuh ye, aku nak tgk transformer (terima kasih sang kwn yang baik hati kasi tiket free, hehe). Ya Allah, tabahkanlah aku menempuh ujian Mu ini tanpa byk merengus.

xoxo
sayelah

hiduplah mencari makna

2009-06-13T19:55:00.000+12:00

mcm biasa. saye menulis sbg escapism dari melakukan keje yg sepatutnye.
just finished my dinner. i cook today (yeay!walaupun masak ape je la sgt kan). patutnye solat isyak and terus berperang dgn buku, but not just yet.
today i cried for a stranger. a stranger in the sense dat i have never meet and talked to him, but not a stranger in the sense that we are brothers and sisters in Islam.

arni ntah camne saye terbukak blog anas b. mat asis http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=86577657767&h=hB5An&u=IIAOB&ref=mf, an acquaintance from zmn2 kms dulu. die citer la pasal ade sahabat die di mesir yg sedang kritikal sbb accident and suruh para pembace doakan. mase tu da tersentuh da ble die tulis

“Ya Allah kau selamatkanlah Aman n Eckem,

amatlah rugi kehilangan mereka bagi DAKWAH ini

sesungguhnya hati2 ini telah redha dengan jalan Mu ”

tapi lepas tym tgh mkn kat dapo ngan eny die tanye la 'wey, ko tau ak pasal student malaysia yang meninggal kat mesir?'. innalillahwainnaillahirojiunn. rupe2nye salah seorg dari student yg terlibat dlm accident tu meninggal, amar namenye. diorg accident lepas baru balik dari menguruskan salah satu program usrah. subhanallah.. ade dlm satu blog tu yg tribute utk amar tu siap tulis 'Ammar,anta menyusahkan sahabat kemudian'. sbb ape? sbb die da set satu benchmark yang tinggi utk dicontohi kwn2 die yang lain. Die meninggal semasa dlm perjalanan utk menguruskan program yang membawa org lain lebih dekat kpd Allah dan juga utk eratkan siratulrahim jadi insyaAllah die mati sbg seorg syahid. Bak kata penulis blog itu:

"Perginya Ammar dengan cara macam itu telah menyusahkan sahabat dia yang terkemudian. Ammar telah tinggal benchmark yang tinggi buat kita. Jika kita mahu pergi,paling minimum dengan cara seperti Ammar. Pergi dalam keadaan untuk mengentarkan hati manusia dengan kalimah Allah,pergi dalam keadaan menegakkan risalah dan seruan Islam,"

ya Allah, btape cemburunya saya dgn Ammar. die bercita cita mati syahid, dan insyaAllah, itu yang die dpt. how about me? bercita cita juga, tapi tanpa usaha yg setimpal. apekah?? ble bace blog org lain yg bersungguh sungguh menyebarkan dakyah Islam rase malu pule dgn blog sendiri yang pentingkan masalah2 remeh temeh. masalah assignment dan exam yang mmg merupakan tanggungjwb saya. tertampar sekejap ble dkt salah satu pos Anas tu die menulis:

IF THEY KNEW WE SKIPPED LECTURES
THIS IS WHAT THEY WOULD SAY…..
FROM A PALESTINIAN CHILD:

“SHAME ON YOU for not going to LECTURE!!
when i had to go through guns and checkpoints just to come to school.

” KAMI TAKKAN REDHA DENGAN KEMALASAN & KELALAIAN KAMU..!!! ”

insaf sgt. rase kelakar pulak bercita cita nak mati syahid ble tanggungjwab kecil ni pun masih duk berkeluh kesah. something got to change sarah. senang lenang yang pasti dan kekal hanyelah di syurga. huk, berusaha!!

ya Allah..scary la jugak..tp tiada yg mustahil bagiMu ya Allah

2009-06-12T21:19:00.000+12:00

okay. I secretly have this theory. whenever i felt like really eating something, kirenye cam teringin la kan, somehow, miraculously, not long after that, i'll get the chance to eat the food. contohnye, tym kat skola asrama dulu, skali tu teringin gle la nak makan roti telur. tgk2 esoknye pakcik kantin tu ade plak jual.tak pnah2 ok. ok, ni maybe kebetulan, but thats not all.

pastu tym kat new zealand plak. aritu teringin gle nak makan piza. ni bukan cam kat malaysia, teringin je bleh gi bli kat piza hut. kat sini susah sket sbb kdai piza ade jual ngan bacon skali. tetibe tak lame pastu housemate saye yg laki bleh plak tetibe buat piza, dptlaa merasa kan. pastu tahun ni plak, aritu teringin nak mkn pancake. tak lame pastu housemate bleh plak bwk balik pancake (tak ingat dari mane ntah).

ok.maybe di atas ni org bleh kate kebetulan je(tp sebenarnye dlm islam there's no such thing as kebetulan, semuanye dah ditakdirkan Allah kan) tapi mlm ni sangat rase scary apabila buah manggis yang diingin inginkan tadi tetibe bleh plak housemate saye Ore ade simpan dlm bilik die. die kate baru bli ptg tadi kat new world. manggis ok. in new zealand.
wats the odds??

kesimpulannye disini, saye rase la, Allah sgtla mendengar doa saye bab2 saye teringin makanan ni.cpt je dapat.huuu, sgt terharu, meremang skejap tadi.. thank u Allah thank u Alhamdulillah.

haha. tapi saye ade satu lg yg teringin yg kira hampir mustahil gak nak dpt ni new zealand ni. pengat durian. mkn ngan roti. fuh, bestnye. haha.. we'll see..

teringin buah manggis

2009-06-12T16:42:00.000+12:00

i know, i understand, and i have learnt that all good things, as bad things are, will finally come to an end, but still, its kinda sad.. my vacation has come to an end.wuuu (but i think the main reason I am sad is because there will be a big exam coming up, and I, as always, never fail to hate exams with conviction) it was refreshing meeting up with my sisters and parents. sedey la.. my mum said they might be going to haji dis year and this is the only chance I can meet them before they went there. huu.. pls come back!!!

anyhow, dis is among my fav pictures:

there are many events dat happen during the vacation. but one of the most striking event is when I see my mum being scolded in front of me, which I will very much remember until the day I die. for those who have never experience the events of your own mother being scolded at, pls pray that u wont. its very2 hurtful, trust me.

citer die camnih,tym tu we were at the christchurch airport tgh nak tunggu boarding utk flight ke welly. and my sista, wani bought a potato chips so kitorg pun duk ar makan2 kat krusi. pastu blakang krusi ni adela sorg minah kiwi ni (i assume la minah kiwi, x taula kalau die australian ke ape) dgn 2 anak die.sorg baby (die dukung), sorg toddler umur cam 2-3 tahun camtu. so tym adik2 dan mak sdg mengunyah nguyah chips itu (saye bkn penggemar potato chips, saye suke super ring yg berperisa keju itu), bdk tu tgk jee la, so agaknye sbb my mum kesian die kasi la sket kat budak tu. pastu mak budak tu pusing pandang kitorg (tym ni die tak sdar lg anak die tgh makan) so my mum tanye la 'u dont mind right if i gave ur kid some?' die menjwab dgn blagaknye 'no, no, thanks'

mak saye pun gelabahla sbb die da pun terkasi. agaknye sbb perasan riak muke mak saye itu minah itu pun terusla pandang kat anak die yg tgh sedap menguyah, pastu cpt2 suruh anak die kuarkan pastu dgn rudenye campak kat kitorg. mak saye pun ckp la 'sorry,sorry'. ingat kan dah habis disitu la. skali minah tu pusing lagi kat mak saye seraya berkata dgn muke bengangnye ' u really shudden give food to someone else's kids without asking the parents first. they might have allergics. I really didnt appreciate u giving my kid the food' camtula lebih kurang dgn muke yang haish, muke tak puas hati gler.

my mum pun dgn muke yg cam da malu ckpla 'im sorry.. im sorry...' ok, tym tu rasenye kalau letak telor atas my face boleh masak kut sbb merah yang teramat sgt tahan geram dan kesian kat mak sendiri. I admit that she had the point about the possibility that the kids might have allergics but we really meant well so cudden she said it in a more pleasant and nicer way? ala, kalau kat malaysia kan, biase jek kite kasi bdk kecik terliur yg tgh tgk kite mkn,takde pun mati (setakat ni blom lagi la aku kasi anak org tu mati)

and I cant help but feeling that mat saleh tu cam pandang org asia ni cam miskin la, so bwk2 penyakit tetibe nak kasi anak die makan plak kan (ye,saye mmg oversensitive in this way but this is my blog so lantakla saye nak ckp ape kan), hish, padahal ko tu tak basuh berak. hahaha. ha, bengang ni.. saye mmg overprotective kalau bab2 mak saye. so dont test me. entahla, try placing urself in my shoes. org tak sengaja kan, tak yah la nak hentam camtu skali. and like I said, we really meant well.

anyway, byk je lagi insiden2 yg membuatkan diri rase mcm nak bercerita but i think some of them are too personal and too controversial to share so takpela..

back to the present time. tadi dpt result test dan esaimen utk LING and ALIN.
test teruk, as expected, but saye bersyukur sbb at least tak fail, alhamdulillah
utk ALIN pun saye bersyukur cause' I got more than I deserved and expected, thank u Allah for ever being so kind to me

skang ni da only thing that is between me and my real holiday is the looming ALIN exam.
tak start blaja pun lg. dont kno where to start. Ya Allah, permudahkan urusan ku dan kawan2 ku..aminn... go sarah gooo

huuu..where to start where to start

hujan batu di negara org

2009-05-31T13:46:00.000+12:00

im tired of this word but it refuses to go away from me and begging me to use it again and again and again. so here goes: TENSIONNNNNNNNNNN

haih.. huhu.. im almost there.. da nak siap sgt da esaimen ni.. tinggal last section je.. but im stuckk!! im stuck.. and i cant move on to other things until i get this stuff done.

so dgn harapan i cud be un-stuck dgn membuang mase buat benda lain, tetibe rase nak upload gmbr the new addition to my family of shoes! introducinggggg mr boot!! (a girl can never have too much shoe right??right) ok. saye tak bli skinny jeans lagi,so nmpk pelik sket pakai ngan suar ni, tp boleh laa.. hehe..

gmbr2 ni diambik pade satu hari yg terang dan cantik (huuu, rindu panas malaysia!). eny yg suke dedaunan autumn tidak dpt menahan dari memotografikannye and I gladly volunteered to be the not-very-top model. hehe. kpd mama and ayah, ni la die rupe umah sarah kat sini.

oh, and while i was waiting for the pictures to load, tetibe hujan batu kat luar. haha. jakun skejap.lari2 tadah tgn. mcmla snow yg turun kan.. today's weather is really weird. kadang2 ujan, pastu windy gler, pastu tetibe terang benderang, pastu ujan balik.. huhu. all the same: SEJUKKKKK OKAYYY!! dat must be the reason I cant finish my assignment.huh.my brain is frozen!!

huhu. berusahalah sarah. berakit rakit dahulu bersenang senang kemudian. bertahan utk one more week before u get to meet ur parents and sisters! gee, lagi 4 hari je ok.wehuuuu.. tak sabar. ok now, esaimen tym!! (BIG sigh..)

serabut

2009-05-21T12:37:00.000+12:00

i dont even have tym to feel stressed.
huhu. the work load is catching up on me and I got nobody but myself to blame
sukarnye utk mendisplinkan diri.. aduhaiii..
tensen tensen tensennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

things that are bothering me dis week:
1. the ALIN esaimen. (i really feel at lost with this thing. my lesson plan is all over the place and i cant waste anymore tym in designing and redesigning it again and again and again. gotta hit the paper and start writing for the commentary. which is tough, because i dont know what i want from the materials. peninglaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2. the keLING assignment. (i dont have a clue. why do i feel as if they were talking in german in the lecture? and now they are expecting me to answer the question, which it seems to me,again,written in german. and my past results is not that great for me to be blase about this assignment. but still, i dont have the mood to start this assignment until I see there is a progress in my ALIN assignment.notice how many times the golden word 'assignment' is repeated?? exactly. too much! my feeling exactly)

3.the muslim women event. (it is supposed to be a big event but why do i feel that i am making no contribution at all? well i guess theres not much u can do when u are a decoration committee.maybe the hardwork wil be on that day. which is worrying to me because i am thinking at what time the event will finish when i have so many things to be done. hint: the LING assignment (assuming that ive done my alin)!!

4.even if this dreaded weekend is over, i still have the TEAP assignment coming up. which i have to do earlier from everybody else because my parents is coming. so, no rest for next week too!! pastuh kne fikir demonstration TEAP plakk. I hope it wont take too much of my time.

5.test LING. which is on the same day I will meet my parents at queenstown. I dont know if i can handle finishing the TEAP essay and studying for the quiz at the same time. i guess i HAVE to manage.

padan muke buat keje lambat2. sape suruh. huu.
takpe sarah, sempat, ade mase lagi. siapkan la alin tu even if it means u have to sacrifice your precious nap or sleep at night.

u can. lagipun dis is not the first time ure doing last minute work right?? right.
berusaha!!!

things to do today (a MUST!!)

1.buat ALIN, at least 1000 word dah for the essay
2.tgk2 soalan LING utk dibincangkan esok

i am thankful to Allah for:

1.this chance of studying oversea, no matter how hard it seems right now. dis is your dream sarah, live it.

2.a functional brain, so I can think.

'when the going gets tough, the toughs get going'

go sarahhhhh!!!

saye tak pandai bahasa omputih

2009-05-19T19:37:00.000+12:00

today i took the time to search for my old blog with the intention to delete it.
i have no problem in finding the old blog alright, all i have to do is type the infamous 'mizz shaina' and there u go, my dear old blog was on the top list.
the problem was, however, i already forgot which email i have to use in order to log in. so camne nak delete kan? tapi dgn usaha yg gigih akhirnye berjaya la gak delete. (walaupun ble google mizz shaina blog tu masih lagi wujud jitu disitu, haish)

ape yg nak diceritakan ialah apabila saye membace balik blog lame itu, saye kagum dgn kepakaran saye berbahasa inggeris pada ketika itu. agak berprestij jugakla dibandingkan dgn sekarang. ayoyooo..

and i call myself a future english teacher? sungguh memalukan hati dan nuraniku.
just today miss dreamer (puas hati identiti anda tidak diketahui??hehe) and I talked about how we used to criticized our literature teacher during the a level era.
bukannye kutuk tudung die tak matching ke ape, its just that we felt that as an english teacher who used to study oversea,she should be more fluent in english.
and i remember thinking 'this is wat happen when perkampungan melayu wujud di oversea'. u dont get to be fluent because u stick to ur own group and speak ur mother tongue.then wats the difference between studying oversea and local? i can think of two: the weather and the season. huh.

and i remember making a vow to myself that i wont be like that. i want to talk like the native english speaker talk.ceh.of coz of coz of coz, things are easier said than done.

tgkla skang ni. name je duk oversea. but i cant even speak english fluently. i dont even have one mat saleh fren and i cant help but get rather intimidated with the locals. bknnye taknak bercampur gaul,tapi kan, masalahnye, i always felt that they kinda look down on us? i always get the impression that they think we're less smart than them.just because we came from a country which they dont know how to pronounce or spell the name. takkan la cam kite plak yg tergedik gedik kan nak cam rapat ngan diorg? i dont kno. ke im the one who is shallow minded?

but anyhow, i have to work hard to improve my english. lain la kalau kne mengajar kat sepilok.salah ckp in english pun org tak perasan kut.hehe.

okla.cukupla merapu utk malam ini.sakit leher da

perancangan utk malam ini:

1.dah2 la tu sarah blog hopping.kang kne sumpah jadi katak camne?
2.stadi pasal allophone and phoneme.apehal x phm2 nihh..tertelan sabun ke mase mandi
3.buat ALIN. go sarah go kill the paper!!

tapi mengapekah daku rase sungguh tak bersemangat skali?
ngantokkk ngantokkk. pls lempang.
sarah buat cpt sarah. esok nak tgk wayang. take that as incentive for the your hard work tonight. (hahhh?? hard kee?? we'll see)

today im grateful to Allah for:

letting me breath and see the world for another day,and keeping everyone i love healthy and happy(i think)

my wishlist for tonight:

being able to understand keLING 211
ade progress dlm esaimen (pls3)

berusaha!! huk!

sesungguhnya

2009-05-19T16:55:00.000+12:00

sesungguhnya saya terasa..
sikit je, tak byk pun, tak pe, tak kisah
kejap2 lagi ok la tu seperti sedia kala happy kembali
tapi buat mase skang saye sedih
utk yg ke sekian kalinya dlm minggu ini

“It's easy to cry when you realize that everyone you love will reject you or die.”- Chuck Palahniuk

pencapaian hari ini

2009-05-18T18:32:00.000+12:00

hari ni puase. tetibe rase teringin plak nk makan telur hancur masak sambal. and another reason teringin nak masak ni is sebab adikku amy telah pun bjaya masak lauk ni..siap kawan die terkenang kenang lagi katenye.haha. tercabar skejap. so saye pun mulela mencari resepi2 di internet. ye. saye tau lauk ni senang je, tapi still, taknak la main hemtam je letak kan utk first time. kang tak sedap takde org nak makan. sedih plak. haha

so ptg tu dgn bantuan eny saye pun mencube la masakan itu. masak dgn penuh kecuakan. da la puasa, tak bleh rase. bleh suruh eny rase die ckp da ok da. tapi saye masih lagi sceptical. 'ntah2 nak sedapkan hati aku je', kata hati saye. tp berserah je la. 1st time pun kan.. redha jek la ape rase die

alhamdulillah, boleh la tahan rase die. suke. sukses2! pasni bleh cube masak benda yg lagi susah plak.hehe. takpe sarah, blaja sket2 lame2 jadi bukit la. bkn badan ye yg jadi bukit, tapi skill. hehe.

gmbr bwh ni bkn gmbr lauk tadi. cam beria ia plak kalau nak amik gmbr. haha. ni org lain punye msakan.tapi lebih kurang cam gini la rupe lauk tu..hee

ok. perancangan utk malam ini:

da start buat alin. berusaha sarah!! pasni da sibuk, baik buat cpt2

today i am grateful to Allah for:

being able to think rationally and for keeping my family safe wherever they are

my wishlist for today:

for amy to be successful in her mechanic a level exam. ya Allah, permudahkanla urusan adikku.amiin

windy sunny sunday

2009-05-17T23:28:00.000+12:00

it was a nice day today. its really windy but its also very sunny.
and i cudden resist escaping from the deathly clutch of my assignments and taking a walk in the sun instead.
right after eny came out of the toilet: 'eny', I called. 'jum kite jalan2 tanpa mengeluarkan duit nak??' i asked her this morning. and she said with a smile 'jum'

that was the start of our sunday outing. yelatu jalan2 tanpa mengeluarkan duit. in my dream. i knew i shudden have bring my purse. from 'jalan2 tanpa mengeluarkan duit' the outing became 'wahhh, banyaknye duit aku abis ariniiii'. hahaha..well, i just cudden resist. im a girl, wattodo.. hehe..

it was fun fighting against the wind (not!) but it wasnt really cold so all of us: me,eny, ore and erin kinda enjoyed it. welly is sure a weird place; there can be summer, winter, autumn in one day. i guess global warming might be the culprit of this weird weather.

wat a boring entry huh? haha.i just want to have the reason to show off the lovely pictures that eny took (of course they are lovely! because its featuring ME.hehe). here goes

malam plak. tetibe gatal nak tgk gmbr2 kawin. haha. bukan sbb nak kawin, tapi sbb wedding are beautiful:the emotion, the energy, the atmosphere, the people, all of it. seeing them makes me happy. or so i thought. huhu.

somehow i managed to stumble into this one wedding photography website featuring this one lovely couple.well, lovely is the understatement of the year. they are gorgeous!(just google anas and aliah and website with pictures of them will pop-up) the husband is dashing and the bride is stunning. and i got really jealous.fullstop. and it makes me wishing for things that i dont have. sha said 'stop torturing yourself sarah'. haha.. i didnt do it on purpose sha..

but its not long before i came back to my sense. why the heck am i wasting time wishing for things that will only be decided by Allah. Allah knows wats the best for me and wat i will get and all i have to do is pray for the best.

well dats the thing about me. i am easily carried away by unnecessary stuffs. i guess i gotta work hard to improve that.huh

22 is a scary number

2009-05-16T17:03:00.000+12:00

yeah, i know that 13 may is 3 days ago but only now i feel like talking about it.

huhu..how to start..well, to be honest, i was a bit excited that my birthday is coming and all and i was anticipating the surprise my frens will prepared for me (notice the will, yakin diri jek kan?? hahaha). and the surprise was almost successful if i eny didnt forget to put away the balloons before i enter her room..hahaha.. well, around 9 pm dat nyte, eny ym me

eny ida : tido ke
sarah : tak
sarah : nape
sarah : da nak celebrate ke
sarah : hehehe
eny ida: cis ko
eny ida: perasan gile
sarah : hahaha
eny ida : knape ko yaken sgt aku akan clebrate
eny ida : jom minum teh
eny ida : hehe
eny ida : escapism lg!
sarah : haha
sarah : ok

although i sounded so yakin diri, haha, at that moment, i really thought that eny wanted to drink a cup of tea at that time (our favourite activity to escape the assignment). it is only before i switched on the kitchen's light that i suddenly get the feeling that somebody might be there in the darkness, and suddenly "SURPRISEEEE!!!" from erin, dely, ore and wawa who have been waiting in the dark for God knows how long. and the embarassing part is, although I was kinda expecting it, i still shouted as if there are robbers in the house. nasib baik diorg tak sempat rakam. huh.

anyway, they were really sweet, they even made a cake for me (tgk gmbr)! and it looked really great that made me thought that they bought the cake. i know eny is talented in bab bab cooking ni,but i didnt knoe that she is dat talented..haha.. thank u guys, i was really touched.. in fact, i actually have 3 cakes for this year birthday, one from eny,wawa,dely and erin, another home-bake cake from sha (oKAyyy,kwn2 ku semua hebat belaka bab masak2 niii.. tunjuk ajar ku sifu!) and one from mira, fnab and eka..im really blessed to have you guys as my frens..huu

ok, back to the topic. well, so dat nyte everything went well, we had a few cakes, few drinks, and a few laugh. it was when i read their cards, ppl wishing me happy birthday through the ym and sms that suddenly it strucks me: IM 22!!

ya Allah..gle scary.. 22 is like soo adult..when i dont feel adult at all.
bayangkanla, apape pun walaupun benda kecik, i still mengadu at my mom, nanges2, even pasal tensen buat esaimen
and i cant cook!!i cant cook at all.well, ok, dats a lie. i can cook telur, goreng sayur and stuffs like dat but dats about it.
22 tu for me is like umur yang da boleh kawin. well, my mum already has a one year old me at this age. when i cant even organize myself, let alone a husband and a baby
im not ready to be an adult yet, i really dont
i dont think i'll be ready even when im 30
huuuuu..it really freaks me out
im 22 and yet i dont have any sense of achievement at all
and smlm, while at mira, fnab and eka's house, an issue about marriage came up and okayyy, scaryyyy!!!
skang ni ble sume org duk risau2 takde bf takut tak kawin , me on the other hand dont feel like dat (well, except for the times after i just watched cute photo sessions of a married person) because i know im not ready
im still a child myself, still being spoilt by my parents, i dont know how i can grow up, and if i ever will.. takut ok takut...huuu

and there's nothing i can do about it. growing up is sure stressful.huh

2009-05-16T07:30:00.000+12:00

da lame da kan tak tulis blog
i just cudden find the tym (or the mood) to write one although there were actually many intresting thing i could talk about
hmm, lets start from the beginning of the week..

Friday 8th may 2009

Happy bday bro!!
it was the day I became a sister 19 years ago (not sure whether its a gud thing or the tragedy of my life..haha, kidding)
though we're not that kind of sitcom brother-sister type (u know wat i mean, protective brother, caring sister, always in good term relationship, etc. etc. (yawnnnn...)) and we fight a lot over the silliest things (on who's turn it is to play the computer, about you always being kind to me only when u got a favor to ask, about how i was mean to u and make u feel as if u are the underachiever of our family, and the list goes on...)

the list goes on, yeah, but the thing is, at the time I was writing this and trying to think about all the things we've fought about, there was not one significant fight that is worth mentioning. its not like we never had a big fight, we actually had big fight ALL the time.

oh how i remember the times when I hated u soo much i was planning on hiring an assassin to kill you when i have the money (true story guys, no kidding, haha)
the times when my lip almost bleed because i was biting it so hard (tgh geram kann)
the times when i really feel like spanking you (but i cant because I was afraid you'll hit me back, i know u wil)

but no matter how angry I was at dat tym, and how i wished i dont have a brother like u, now when i think about it in retrospective,it seems so insignificant now (whether because i have a very bad memory or i am a very forgiving person, ehem) and watever it is, you are my brother through and through, always

there were good times too, remember the one time during hari raya that both of us talk at tok cu's house as if we havent met for a long time (sampai diorg pun heran kan, or the times when we go fishing ikan talapia with ayah at a big longkang near our house (see, we can spend some quality tym together when u are not too busy courting your computer)

and i know dat i can depend on u if i need u. i remember the time when my boss's son almost punch me in the face and when u know about this mama told me that u almost want to bashed him up too. i didnt tell u this, but i was really touched (though of coz u wud only make things messier if u did punch him)

although i seem a cold, bad, uncaring sister to u,u should know that i really care for u. u are the only brother i have, and if i ask u about your studies and what not, it is not because i like to be a bz body person but it is because im really concern about you.

and the thing about me calling u underachiever, u are nothing of that sort, trust me, cause' u are among the smartest person in our family. (haha, i still cant get over not passing the PTS test kan). i just say dat to hurt u, because u hurt me at that tym..teruk kan kite ni??we sucks as a sibling.. but the truth is, u can be great, u have the potential and i know u can

eh, terpanjang plak kan tulis pasal kau.haha..so since this is a late entry, happy belated birthday my dear bro, always know that im here for you.jgn tensen2.. kalau boleh spend la more tym with ur family.. jgnla balik umah pun asik mengadap computer je.. dis are the times to create memories. u wont be at home forever..pasni da kawen mane ade spend tym ngan mama ayah lagi kan..so now collect all the memories u can before its too late. before u suddenly realize that u have nothing worth remembering about us..