the pengantins

a late update on  'here comes the bride'..

Presentinggggggg

THE PENGANTINS. They are just gorgeous aren't they?

May you make each other happy, forever=)

here comes the bride..

tomorrow would be a big day indeed for one of my bestest friend- Azreen Fareeza Azman. We go waaaayyy back, I have known her for quite some time. In fact, she is one of the earliest person I knew among all my friends in KMS, where I did my preparation before heading to NZ. We met by chance when we went for the interview for MARA scholarship in the same session. The interview was quite special actually- it was for people whose names were not called to come to the interview for the scholarship at first. We went to the HQ and appeal anyway because we knew we at least deserve a chance for an interview (based on our results academically and non-academic, and also knowing that friends who performed less also received offer to be interviewed). We then found out that there was a system glitch because too many people applied (lagi memalukan bila jumpa pegawai tu die ckp "ni ada budak dapat 10 A pun tak dapat offer interview juga."ala2 perli gitu. FINEE. Taula aku x straight A. isk2)

Anyway, to cut things short, Alhamdulillah (after being heartbroken for a week), I received a call sometime around one maghrib, to come for an interview the next day. So there I was, sitting in the same room as her, making small chit chat to ease my nervousness. Because we were applying for TESL course, we were required to write an essay about one of the saddest/happiest memory. I remembered asking her what she wrote about,and her answer- her experience during PLKN. After we were done with the interview, she told me the the way to get home (me being the person with poor sense of direction since forever). Little did we know that we are fated to meet again later when became room mates at KMS. Erin, kita berjodoh la!

I guess that is why among our friends, we still addressed ourselves as "kita" "awak", when with other people we were using "aku" "kau". Mungkin sbb awal awal kita da cakap sopan2 (yelaa, jumpa kat interview la katekan, knela ckp sopan2 supaya nmpk sophisticated sikit. Eh? Haha).

Living with her during KMS and in NZ, bit by bit I know more about her. Among the girls, she is known as "The athlete", "flat rate" (for having no problems with extra lipid in the abs HAHA), "pandai buat muka otai", and "budak yang paling byk gmbr tgh melakukan aktiviti makan". Being her old roommates I also know more- pernah angau pastu ulang lagu yang sama banyak2 kali ("From this moment" kan erin? hehe), suara sedap (sebab selalu nyanyi masa tgh iron baju. walaupun earphone kat telinga suara still maintain youu), bila demam dia akan jadi pendiam pastu muka merah2, seorang yang jarang marah2, susah nak nmpk die nangis, jarang mengumpat, seorang yang bijak bistari (makcik ni straight A ok SPM dia), seorang yang cool, seorang yang pandai berjimat and most importantly seorang kawan yang baik.

That's why la i am writing this special post for her. (eh dia nak kawen kut tapi kenapa la tulis mcm nak berpisah kan). Yela, because I know after marriage it would be different. It is a new phase of life, a lot of things would change, your priority would change. Your new family would be your priority now, and friends might cease to be as important. 

Therefore, before the change, I just want to tell you that I am glad I have been blessed by the chance to know you. May your new life brings you a lot of joy and happiness and may it me the medium for you to achieve success in this world and more so in the hereafter. Dont be a good wife, but be a GREAT wife to your husband. May you be blessed with future sons and daughters yang soleh/solehah dan comel2 belakeww. (haha). Ameen.. Love you to bits!!

p/s-sedih gila bila cari cari gmbar kita bersama tak de yang kita tangkap berdua je. isk2. I guess sbb kita dua pun biasanya menumpang camera orang lain so xdela gmbr camwhoring bersama kan. So terpaksala mak crop gmbar orang2 lain supaya ada gak gmbr kita berdua. wahaha..

Nah, lagi satu gmbr-roommates forever (eh x la forever, esok awk da ada room mate baru da. HAHAHA)

back in KMS day-2007

raya in NZ-2010

Okla, its 2.07 a.m and gotta hit the sack. Nyte2. Assalamualaikum.

 Roger and out (sape tah agaknya suka guna ayat ni kan?)

the drama of my life

so this good old friend of mine suggested that I should write again. And suddenly I decided to open this blog tonight. God, the last entry was the night before my first class. And I promised that I'll wrote about my first experience at school but I did not! Actually, checking my drafts, I did start to write something until Ive ran out of idea about what to write next that I decided not to post at all. I am ashamed with myself. Huh Sarah, org yang mahu berjaya x kenal erti putus asa sepatutnya!

xpela. "let bygone be bygone, things already happened" (heh, dulu pernah choral speaking ayat ni, sbb tula ingat sampai sekarang) Anyway, since I love re-reading my entries (this sounded soo vain, God), bknla, bkn sbb its good, its just because I got to relive that memory again, which is nice to do (with this limited memory of mine), writing is a good memory storage. So here, I'll just post what I wrote half way about my first day at school.

[And typical me, no matter how sophisticated I wanted to be, life will always have another plan for me (always finding ways to mock me, heh). But experience is still experience right? whether its bad or good. So here goes]


i knew it. i knew that deciding to go to mukah will somehow warrant me to a lot of future drama in my life. Travelling to somewhere outside your comfort zone, to somewhere new where their way of life might be quite different from what you are used to, meeting new faces, settling down in a new place will somehow open up the window to many possibilities. And this, I find exciting

But, even knowing that, I never expected that my shoes would decide to misbehave on my very first class in Mukah!! I was having fun talking to the kids, listening to the students introducing themselves when suddenly i realized that the shoe had somehow that the glue which is holding all the parts of the shoes together is hanging by the thread! They looked really terrible. They looked like something a homeless woman found in a dump and have to wear it out of desperation. It was like I had wore the heels for a trip to the mountain and went through a river.

melancholic night

we might have been great together

but who really knows..



p/s-sometimes i worry if i really have the capability to love properly, or if that ability has been robbed forever by my past experience, cruelly.

jauh berjalan luas pemandangan

assalamualaikum and hello helloo hellooo (bayangkan hello tu mcm bergema gema)

I finally got access to the internet after buying a prepaid broadband and alhamdulillah its quite fast and reliable (although a tad expensive. the modem itself is rm100, starter pack rm12 plus kne bayar 18 bucks some more for one week of internet, unlimited. ok ke ha? its rm 50 for a month tp tadi x cukup duit nk byr hihu). that has always been the problem with me. I cant really decide if one deal is a good deal. I used to depend on other people to think for me but since I am so far away from the people I used to rely on, I had to make a lot of decisions for myself. hihu. and sometimes i dont even get a clue whether ive been cheated on or what.

anyway, tomorrow is going to be the first time I'll be going to the new school-mrsm mukah. a bit nervous. have a lot more to tell about me being here so far but i guess not tonight. its 12.30 am and i dont wanna be a zombie teacher tomorrow so I better hit the sack now. Pray the best for me. Please pray the staffs and the students will like me, hihihuu.

p/s- i miss kelana jayaaaa, rumah no 22.. eh, no 21.. hehehe

p/s2- wat a useless entry huh? hehe. im just excited about getting internet access i just need to write something. might delete this later. nyte2

antara dua

ala. blogger ni tak boleh buat table la. huw huw huw. takpe, I'll make do with what I have.

if I stay,

Advantages                                                                       

1. dekat dengan mama, boleh berbakti kepada mama dan keluarga apa yang patut. apa-apa emergency pun boleh balik dengan segera
2. sudah familiar dengan tempat kerja dan budaya orang sini. tidak perlu mengambil masa untuk menyesuaikan diri
3. boleh selalu balik rumah. like every week. cuma perlu bayar minyak rm 50 seminggu dan rm 10 tol pigi balik
4. tak payah beli perkakas alat elektronik. tiap2 minggu boleh pinjam washing machine mama
5. boleh pergi indon next year bulan 3 walaupun cuti seminggu je sbbnya senang je nak balik rumah, tak pyh fly dulu bagai
6. tak payah jual kereta.

Disadvantage:

1. if I stay, I would always feel as if I have chicken out from taking on a new challenge
2. I would always wonder how my life would be if i choose to go
3. akan terus bergantung kepada keluarga

if I go,

Advantages

1.  kenal orang baru, tempat baru, budaya baru. kata orang, jauh berjalan luas pemandangan
2. menjadi lebih berdikari sbb tak boleh lagi nak depends on ibu bapa
3. elaun banyak katenye
4. dekat dengan brunei bolehla melawat sultan brunei (eh?)
5. pengalaman mendewasakan kata orang
6. peluang berjumpa jodoh. (eh lagi! HAHA)

disadvantages

1. susah nak balik. 2 kali naik flight. and costly
2. kene jual my first car isk2 sedey
3. kene uruskan rumah sendiri. cari furniture sendiri, washing machine, TV, dapur, etc. kereta da la dah xde
4. mungkin susah nak berkerja semula di semenanjung. but I have my exit plan- quit terus kerja dengan TV Al-Hijrah. boleh minta autograph ustaz Don. hee

Huaaa. It still does not solve anything!! The way I see it, both decisions have their own pros and cons. And sometimes, you cant make the decisions based on how long the list on one side compared to the other, because sometimes even having one reason is enough for you to make that decision, because its an important enough reason. 

But I cant help but thinking, if I care so much about not going to the place everyone else is relieved they do not have to go,does that not show that actually my heart is more set on going than staying?

And when I was alternating between FB and Blogger. I came across this on the news feed:

"Put your trust in Allah"

...And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah.

Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon him] (Quran 3: 159)

Whatever decision I will make, I am sure there will be some hikmah in it. And whatever obstacles I may face in the future, I know Allah will not burden me with something that is more than I could shoulder.

Can you guess what my decision would be? Lets see where I would be writing from in the next entry. Hehe. 

di persimpangan dilemma di ambang wati (eh?)

i finally got to know where I would be posted at.

The first time I read the name of the school-MRSM Mukah, all I did was laugh. Because God knows what I would do instead if I did not. All my friends were saying they were impressed by how I was holding on. I was not panicking, I did not even shed a tear, no. I keep assuring them "Kita OK la, betul.. Korang jangan la risau".

Frankly speaking, I was surprised myself by how I reacted.
 Maybe its because I have repeatedly told myself that I will accept anywhere I will be posted, with open heart, because I believe that if Allah wills me to be there, then insyaAllah it would be the best for me. And did I not pray a lot about asking Him to place me where it would bring good for me, dunya wal akhirah? So I should have faith in that.

Or, maybe its because I dislike being pitied. Ok. 'dislike' is an understatement. I HATE being pitied. So as much as I could, I tried to project myself as someone who is unfazed with this unexpected turn of event that has befallen me, when in reality, I wasnt really sure myself how OK I was with that situation.

Right after knowing that, in my head I was imagining myself wearing Indiana Jones kinds of attire, you know-khaki pants, cowboy hats, brown leather bag, right down to the boots, braving the airport where the presence of chicken and cows is not unusual, all alone. Ok, I am always a bit of drama queen there. But being me, I just cant help it. Anyhow after asking around, I found out that there are about 5 of us who are going there. I would be the only english teacher and the others are teaching maths, science and history. Knowing this reaaally helped me to relax a bit.

Now, the reason for the title of this post is because I am indeed, in the persimpangan dilema. I actually have the opportunity to stay at my old school where I have been teaching as a contract teacher-MRSM KKB. The human resource dept at the HQ might have made some kind of mistake, even after the list of teacher and their respective postings came out, MRSM KKB is still left with one vacancy for english teacher. For your info, this school is actually a hot spot among teachers who are living in Selangor or KL area. Why not, it is like the only MRSM in Selangor, only one hour away from civilization (hehe). In order to enter this school, both the students and teachers need to have some kind of 'cable', because the place is very well sought. But being me with no cable whatsoever, I am just lucky that I happened to be there when they need a teacher, and they kind of get used of me being there and they were quite willing to help me if I want to be transferred there instead.

If I were the old me, I would jump at the chance before I could spell y-e-s, but i guess I am more mature now. The offer is of course tempting. Why not-living only one hour away from home and family, working with people I have already familiar with and kids that love me (I think, because they cried when i left), living near to the city (I am a city girl alright), i could save money (If i can stand not going back home in the middle of the week) and other reason i could not think of right now.

But,

I also feel like I need some kind of excitement in my life right now. im getting used to the routine, I start to think there must be more to life than this. And if I dont go, I might always wonder what my life would be like if I choose to go.  I will always wonder about the kids I choose to not teach. but at the same time I am also scared of venturing into the unknown, whether I have what it takes to survive in a foreign land that might be very different from what I am used to

And I only have until tomorrow to decide whether I would want to send the appeal letter for the transfer and face the 50-50 chance of going to Mukah, or, not to appeal, which means 100% confirmation I am going to Mukah. And its driving me crazyy thinking about it. You see, if I do appeal, it means I would be in the situation where I am living in between. If the result of the appeal comes out after I fly to Mukah, I would not be able to really concentrate on settling down, in case I would have to return to peninsular. But if I did not appeal, I might actually lose my only lifeline to my comfort zone, and what if I end up hating living there??

Thinking about it, I think in the end, its all up to me. Wherever I end up going, whether I would be happy or not, would depends on how I make the situations to be like. I always believe in this saying "If you cant change your situation, change your perception of the situation". If I can really do this, I know I'll be happy anywhere.

If only I can go to Mukah and drag all my family member along. haha. But 'if' is a bad word. i would not dwell on it too much.


p/s- to someone who claim to always check my blog, to tell you the truth, I am happy for your new found happiness (although I hate to admit I kind of jealous a bit (sikit je, janji)). May you always be happy dear good friend. If that person treat you bad (like I have always treated you), tell me, I'll be happy to give that person a kungfu kick for hurting my bestfriend, for only I can do that (hehehe). Text me if you think Im writing this for you

Ladies, our lives is about to change tremendously. Ready, get set, go!