Friday, September 24, 2010

Have u ever ever ever

Have u ever be in a situation where you receive something more than you deserve?

say for example, in an exam which you feel you have done it badly and you think there's 100 % chance that u really gonna fail it freaks the heck out of you, and the thought of receiving the paper back caused u goosebumps, but when you finally have the courage to check ur marks, u did not only pass the exam, but u got an A for that paper

no, I did not just got an A in an exam. that was just a hypothetical example but surely, at least once in your life, u've encountered such miracles? whenever I receive something more than I deserve, I felt so small, and so overwhelmed by Allah's kindness and grace towards me. As human, we tend to forget, and always forget, that Allah is indeed the only one who decides what we will receive, either bad or good. Either you think you deserve it or not. 

But we are always so scared of spending more time for Allah - often we feel burdened and reluctant going to study circle where we get to learn more about our own deen or listening to a religious lecture at the mosque/uni, worrying that we wont get enough time to finish our assignment on time/studying for the exam (when we actually have time to stalk people on FB every 5 minutes, watching latest clip videos of our favourite korea boy band etc., blog hopping, etc. etc.). Dont worry, Im not just talking about other people, I do that sometimes too. All I am saying is, we always use exam or assignment excuses for not spending more time for Him, but do we realize that it is Allah, who is the BEST of providers? Even when we spend every single minute of our life studying, but if Allah is not please with us and He wont grant us success, who else do you think can help us? yes, you got that right- NO ONE.

so whatever we do, we should always remember that, in the end its up to Allah to decide whether we will be successful or not. so study a lot, and pray a lot more. and dont fret if He still doesnt grant u much this time, its just His way to test you. And sometimes, even bad grades are better for us, as a reminder that we shouldnt easily be pleased with ourselves, and Allah wants us to work harder. Apa-apa pun, sentiasa bersangka baiklah dengan Allah. Remember, orang mukmin itu bila mendapat nikmat dia bersyukur, bila di timpa kesusahan dia bersabar. 

And may we be among those who Allah considers as "mukmineen". Ameenn =))

Sunday, September 19, 2010

ya Allah, what I have done tonight, was only to please you

please guide me, guide my heart,


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

last raya in welly

favourite pictures from this year's Eid:

tak sah kalau xde gmbr pose ayu

tak sah kalau x menyakat housemate

tak sah kalau x amik gmbr "yang nmpk oversea"

tak sah kalau x perasan masih budak 1st year nk amik gmbr camni

we were roommates in KMS! (how many years has it been now?)
dgn signboard universiti yg berbahasa maori. tidak akan ditemui di malaysia
irrina kata "mcm sex in the city". I said "no, its sopan in da city" hehe

alolo..comelnye..anak-anak sape nihh?? hehe

tak sah kalau x makan2

Dengan kakak2 usrah yang membawa saya mengenal Islam yang sebenar, bukan Islam warisan. terima kasihhh byk2, saya ingat sampai mati insyaAllah

suapan kasih sayang di hari raya (kononnya, haha)

Eh tiba2 di raya ke 3 menjadi lebih tinggi dari eny.hehe.jeng3

jangan rempit2 di hari raya (sambil menunjukkan gaya rempit)

nah kak cipot, suapan kasih sayang suci murni.hehe

been preparing for raya dishes with them (everton boys, everton girls, fnab mira eka) since first year. Gonna miss that LOADS T_T

annnndd, special for everyone reading this (click picture for a larger view):

p/s- Faraha, wish you are here ;)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


kadang-kadang cinta kepada Allah dan rindu melihat Islam kembali diletakkan pada tempatnya menuntut pengorbanan cinta kepada manusia

saat ini, hanya Dia sahaja yang mengerti perasaan aku dan ya Allah, mohon kau kuatkan imanku dan teguhkan pendirianku

Monday, September 6, 2010

wat is the first thing u think about when you thought you gonna die?

When I was woken up by the violent earthquake 2 days before around 4 30 am and it doesnt seem to show any sign that it is going to stop, I was positive that I am going to die. Positive.

I was frantically trying to remember what was the last thing I did before I went to sleep.Was it a good deed or was it a bad one? Was Allah the last thing I remember? Was I saying anything bad about other people? And oh Lord, are my deeds enough to grant me paradise or hell would be the road for me?  While my lips non stop asking for His forgiveness (istighfar) and saying the syahadah incase I am going to die anytime soon. My heart was beating so fast I thought its going to jump out of my chest.

Its amazing to think that when I thought that I was on the verge of dying, I wasnt thinking about the loved ones I am going to leave behind (though I do think about them later when the situation stabilized), but I was thinking about myself -about how prepared I am (or not) to meet Allah and how scared and worried I was about what my fate would be after I die. Yes, in the end you would only think about yourself. It reminds me of an ayaah in the quran where Allah mentions about the Judgement Day:

"Pada hari itu manusia lari dari saudaranya, dan dari ibu bapanya, dan dari isteri dan anak-anaknya, setiap orang dari mereka pada hari itu mempunyai urusan yang menyibukkannya"

"On that day man will flee from his brother, and from his mother and his father, and from his wife and his sons,  every one of them on that day would has anxiety that is enough for him'

                                                                                                                       (Surah Abasa: 34-37)

But are we ready when Allah decide that is the time to leave the world? Are we ever going to be ready? Of course not. But if we are someone who is consistent in obeying Allah's order and leave things that He permits maybe we can at least hope Allah will show some mercy on us. Even that would not guarantee that we would be safe from hellfire. Because on the end of the day, even if we enter Jannah, it would be on His mercy, not because we've done enough. As narrated by Abu Huraira (ra): 

Allah's Apostle said  , "The deeds of anyone of you will not save you (from the Fire)." They said, "Even you (will not be saved by your deeds), O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "No, even I (will not be saved) unless and until Allah bestows His Mercy on me. Therefore, do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately, and worship Allah in the forenoon and in the afternoon and during a part of the night, and always adopt a middle, moderate, regular course whereby you will reach your target (Paradise)." 

We always make plan for later. But after that experience I have learnt that we can never ever guarantee that there is always going to be a 'later'. We cant. We can't even guarantee that we would still be able to take in the oxygen when we take our next breath, let alone guarantee that we would still be alive tomorrow. If only we humans knew how fragile our life is, how powerless, how truly weak we are in comparison to Allah who is the Owner of our souls, who can take life from us anytime He wishes, we would always want to do good all the time.

And after that experience I've vowed not to sleep unless I've asked for forgiveness from Allah. And after that experience I've vowed to be a better person and do good all the time.

 So dear friends who are reading this, if I somehow forgot my vows, please please remind me.

And ya Allah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah Allahuakbar for the invaluable lesson. And Ya Allah, if one day it is really the time to go, please please please place me, my family and my friends in Jannah among those whom You loves. Ameen ya Rabbal alamin.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

whats special about u?

have u ever been in a situation where you need to introduce yourself for the first time, and just to make things interesting you were asked to tell what is special about you or few unknown facts about urself? 

I am always at loss and sometimes annoyed when Im required to do such thing (although im guilty of doing the exact same thing to the juniors). So what do we tell what special about ourselves without sounding boastful and too proud of yourselves? like say, for me, I always end up saying something about

1. I am half-chinese
2. I was born in USA
3. My ambition was to become a Brunei queen

or something embarassing about how:

1. When my father asked me what I want to be when I can work, I told him (dgn penuh bersemangat dan muka bangga) "Ada dua cita-cita, satu nak jadi cashier, no 2, nak jadi penjaga tol". (notice how all my ambition is related to handling and holding money? and yes, being a queen involves handling and holding money too. although in a different sense. heheh) Now I understand why my father looked very worried at that time. HAHA

2. I am scared of the most harmless (well not for me its not!) animal in the world: worms, or anything that is boneless, which includes leeches, shell-less snails, etc. Dont test me on this if you dont want to be deaf for the rest of your life

but I guess if I am given more time to think about the facts about myself I can give you more:

1. I dont like people feel pity for me. It will just made me feel more shitty than I already am. So just dont.

2. I cant stand rejection and betrayal. Especially from those that I love. I just cant. The pain caused from this I cant help but remember over and over again, and everytime I am reminded of it, it will still cause me a set of fresh pain. And mind you, I am someone who has very bad memories (I forget things so easily that I forgot I've wore my contact lenses I'd still put on my glasses), but not sad memories inflicted by betrayal and any kind of rejection from the people I love.

3. I am such a crybaby. I am easily touched by everything. Even Malaysia winning a badminton tournament would bring tears to my eyes (that's how patriotic I am), and watching videos or reading about new muslim converts never failed to make shed a tear, seeing how Allah, if He wishes to, can bestow His hidayah in the most unexpected ways to anyone He wishes to. It also made me reflect about how ungrateful I have been about how i am so blessed to be born in this religion when others have to gone through so much to find Islam, while others never do =(

i think there's more but thats what I can think about right now. 

p/s- i write when i am bothered about something

dari mana nk kemana

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