it is a house, but its not a home

It is a house
but its not a home

how could it be
when they're rarely home

and even when they are
Theres no difference
just stone figures
lack of emotions

it is a house
but its not a home

where laughter are scarce
filled with occupied silence
they're with the laptops
u're with the phones
We're seating side by side
but no communication

it used to be a house
and also a home

where the father played and joked around with the children
The mother smiled satisfiedly of her achievement with the goods hot from the oven
The children laughed giddily and thought 'God, this must be heaven!'

if I could
I would
I would turn back time
make it frozen
that moments of happiness
too fleeting, too short, too priceless
but it moves like a current
that will keep moving and moving
away and away out of reach
like a forever gone companion

the worst feeling

Actually
The worse feeling than the fear of staying alone
is the fear of people pitying you for being alone
and the realization that you have lost someone who can actually understand your situation because they are no longer in similar situation

One of these days,
I might just decide to disappear
For my own peace of mind
For the sanity of my mind

...

never have i
consider seeing a counselor as much as i had
this year

and its only April

call, and He will answer

after i wrote the previous entry,
I went to perform solah, and after solah I prayed
and among the prayers I included this doa:

"Ya Allah, Kau berikanlah aku berita gembira yang boleh menenangkan hatiku"

and after that I continued reciting the quran
and I decided to read the translation as well
guess what I found in the page I happened to read:

"(Mereka) menjawab, "Kami menyampaikan kabar gembira kepadamu dengan benar, maka janganlah engkau termasuk orang yang berputus asa"

"Dia Ibrahim berkata, "Tidak ada yang berputus asa dari rahmat Tuhannya kecuali orang yang sesat" (Ibrahim:55-56)

There is no coincidence in Islam, everything is already planned by Allah. I called for Him, and He answered, urging me to not give up and believe in Him, subhanallah! It gave me goosebumps and I just had to share it.

He is indeed always near, and ready to answer our calls.
All we need to do is have faith, and believe:')

Allah adalah seperti sangkaan hamba-hambaNya.

comparing.
i know i shouldn't do it, but I still do.
and sadistically doing it again and again.
which is bad, really bad, because when you keep comparing, it means you are not being happy, not being grateful for what you have.
therefore,
my aim for 2014- to be better than that and learn to be more thankful (easier written than done, that I know)
everything is in its own due time
I believe in Allah's planning, He is indeed the best of planners.
He knows what is the best for me, if I tell myself that often enough I know I will stop comparing and be happy with what I have, insyaAllah.

Allah tidak akan sesekali menganiaya hamba-hambaNya, kan? ;)
Maka mari bersangka baik



Mohon doanya=)

this is wrong

Hey old friend

These few days I kept thinking of you
About how nobody can replace the kind of special friend you are to me

The fact that we can straight away pick up a conversation where we left off no matter how big the time gap was, no matter how different our lives are from each other

The fact how you know what I am really like but can still accept me

The fact how you never gave up on me no matter how mean I was to u. "Never Gave up". Yes. It is in the past tense because finally u did. N I dont blame you.

U know,  im just not the kind of person who regret over things. Things happen because they are destined to happen that way, I truly believed that. N its always for the better insyaAllah.

I dont regret but that doesnt stop me from wondering about the what ifs, or what it could have been. Which is useless, I know. I am struggling to stop thinking this way. struggling to stop wishing I could have one more conversation with you.

I hope you won't read this. Maybe u wont. Afterall why would you be here when you are happy there?

Thank you for the memories.  At least I would always have them.


Or is it actually better if we had never known each other?

why do I have to keep writing about u

I hate this feeling of uneasiness
I feel as if im living on the edge, if I even only make one small move, I might come tumbling down
I feel as if im trying to walk on a road full with broken glasses, shoeless, I might accidentally step on the glass any moment now
What I am saying is, no matter how calm the current situation is,I cant seem to be convince that I have received my happy ending
Not when u are acting especially weird

That is the case of an offender u know
People find it hard to trust you
Especially when you dont seem to work hard to vanquish people's suspicion that you have stopped commiting the offense
I hate you doing this to her
I hate you cant seem to stop hurting her
When she deserves so so so much better
Thanks to u I cant even look at ild photo albums n be happy for the memories
No. I am hurt for the "have been"s.

Still, I am assured. No matter how much u might get away with this now, you wont get away with this hereafter. Allah is seeing this, nothing would be amiss.

You might be able to get away now, but remember, Allah is the best Judge, where no one who have ever experienced injustice would be left unhappy