Dreaming

Some people said, if you're having a good dream, dont share it to others because it wont be a reality.. do you think that's true?

Ive been the having the same dream two days in a row now. Have i been wanting it that much? I mean its not like i have been really thinking about it.

And at some point of the dream i will realise that i am actually dreaming so i force myself to wake up. Realising its just a dream makes me feel pathetic. I dont know if anyone could relate, but i kind of hate myself from having to dream about it.

On a different note,  maybe tu gangguan syaitan. Sapa suruh tidur lepas subuh kan. Haha

i am leaving

I've had enough.

And I dont think I can take it anymore.

I am only passively viewing the FB and ive already felt exhausted. I cant imagine how it is like for those who are in the battleground day in and day out =(

At least for the time being. I need to stay away and take a breather before I can stand to look at those increasingly horrific pictures of children and women being slaugtered as if they dont mean anything

as if they do not deserve living

but the thing that I cannot stand more is my helplessness in changing how things are.

 I felt guilty I dont or cannot do more to help.

Sure,I have donated, I am all in for boycotting, I tried to spread awareness whenever I could, I prayed every single time I did my prayers, but I dont think it will stop the killing anytime soon.

it's heartbreaking, it can drive anyone crazy thinking how evil human could be. How could them? How could? Arent they humans too? Dont they have someone they love too?

Sure there are thousands of people worldwide that are outraged by the atrocity committed by them, people protesting left and right, boycotting campaigning all they could but the  Israelis obviously dont care even if the whole world is hating them. Why would they care when they are being backed up by the super power of the world, the so called "world police" (when the crime they've committed made them worthy of being called an international criminal). And even the Muslim leaders are keeping mum over what is happening to their own brothers and sisters, for being scared of losing their own interests.

Who do we ultimately can turn to, then, the one who has more power than those Jews and USA? It's possible that no human in this world has the power to stop the atrocity committed by them, but as Muslim we have to have faith that no one is more powerful than Allah.

If that is so, why there is still no help then, you might ask. Doesn't Allah love the muslims? Well, doesn't Allah love His prophet- Nabi Muhammad peace be upon him, the most? But didnt he face trial and difficulties as well? Dont you remember the time when Allah recorded the feeling of almost losing hope by the people back then in the Quran:

"They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said 'When will the help of Allah [come] ?" (2:214)

And Allah answered this simply "“Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” (Qur’an 2:214)"

Yes, Allah will push us until all hope is lost until all we can turn to is to no one, but Him. One true pure dependence to the Creator, and not Creation. But knowing this and just waiting for His help is not enough too since Allah also has said:

 "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves" (13:11)

Therefore, think about it, in the conflict between the Palestinian and the Zionist, who are this 'people' who need to change? Is it the Palestinians alone? Or is it including us, all Muslims? The answer is very clear. The responsibility in protecting the sacred place is not the Palestinians' alone, but also every Muslim's. Then dont you think that there is the possibility that the victory is still not ours because most of the muslims are still far from Allah, still refusing to change what is in themselves!

It really hits me today that re-posting pictures and news about Palestin is not enough. I am probably spreading pictures and posts to people who are already sympathetic to the Palestinian.  I am powerless to urge the leaders of the countries to do something about the Palestinian (why would they even care?) but I realized today that I can change myself to be a better muslim, and I can help others to know Allah more too. Although I have slowed down in my the tarbiyah's activity after Ive started working, (being more of a receiver rather than the giver) it doesnt mean I cant start that all over again. There is a reason Allah chose me to be a Muslim, there is a reason Allah made me know about halaqah, there is a reason Allah blessed me with the ability to approach people easily. This might be a long road but I have faith in Allah's promises 100%. I believe when there is more people who come back to true Islam, that is when the time when the Muslims will really win, the time when Allah's help will descent. That will be the time when Palestine will be truly free.

I know that whatever that comes out from my mouth or through my writing will be tested. So please dear friend, make a lot of doa's for me. That I will stay true to my promise. Lets strive to be a better person, every single day insyaAllah. 

So there. I am leaving the Facebook for a while (well ok, not really leaving, it's more like signing out for a while), not because I have given up on the Palestinian cause, but I am signing out so I can do something more productive to help them, instead of crying helplessly. 

From the river to the sea, Palestine, no doubt, will be free. (It's Allah's promise)

it is a house, but its not a home

It is a house
but its not a home

how could it be
when they're rarely home

and even when they are
Theres no difference
just stone figures
lack of emotions

it is a house
but its not a home

where laughter are scarce
filled with occupied silence
they're with the laptops
u're with the phones
We're seating side by side
but no communication

it used to be a house
and also a home

where the father played and joked around with the children
The mother smiled satisfiedly of her achievement with the goods hot from the oven
The children laughed giddily and thought 'God, this must be heaven!'

if I could
I would
I would turn back time
make it frozen
that moments of happiness
too fleeting, too short, too priceless
but it moves like a current
that will keep moving and moving
away and away out of reach
like a forever gone companion

the worst feeling

Actually
The worse feeling than the fear of staying alone
is the fear of people pitying you for being alone
and the realization that you have lost someone who can actually understand your situation because they are no longer in similar situation

One of these days,
I might just decide to disappear
For my own peace of mind
For the sanity of my mind

...

never have i
consider seeing a counselor as much as i had
this year

and its only April

call, and He will answer

after i wrote the previous entry,
I went to perform solah, and after solah I prayed
and among the prayers I included this doa:

"Ya Allah, Kau berikanlah aku berita gembira yang boleh menenangkan hatiku"

and after that I continued reciting the quran
and I decided to read the translation as well
guess what I found in the page I happened to read:

"(Mereka) menjawab, "Kami menyampaikan kabar gembira kepadamu dengan benar, maka janganlah engkau termasuk orang yang berputus asa"

"Dia Ibrahim berkata, "Tidak ada yang berputus asa dari rahmat Tuhannya kecuali orang yang sesat" (Ibrahim:55-56)

There is no coincidence in Islam, everything is already planned by Allah. I called for Him, and He answered, urging me to not give up and believe in Him, subhanallah! It gave me goosebumps and I just had to share it.

He is indeed always near, and ready to answer our calls.
All we need to do is have faith, and believe:')

Allah adalah seperti sangkaan hamba-hambaNya.

comparing.
i know i shouldn't do it, but I still do.
and sadistically doing it again and again.
which is bad, really bad, because when you keep comparing, it means you are not being happy, not being grateful for what you have.
therefore,
my aim for 2014- to be better than that and learn to be more thankful (easier written than done, that I know)
everything is in its own due time
I believe in Allah's planning, He is indeed the best of planners.
He knows what is the best for me, if I tell myself that often enough I know I will stop comparing and be happy with what I have, insyaAllah.

Allah tidak akan sesekali menganiaya hamba-hambaNya, kan? ;)
Maka mari bersangka baik



Mohon doanya=)