Day 1

Familiarity and being familiar is a privilege

And I only realize that when I am the outsider

Today was the day when I started working at my new school

For your info, I was dreading about this since I knew I got to be transferred here

Not to be grateful or anything, I mean I am glad I am now only a driving distance from my hometown (although it still takes 3 hours, and for the record, driving alone really sucks, and no amount of sing along songs that u've asked your brother to burn into the CD would help you stay awake. Keeping my focus on the road was a real challenge)

It's just that I really dont look forward to being the new thing in town.

Before today, I thought the thing that would make me uncomfortable is people giving me unwanted attention. Somehow being new you just stand out, no matter how bland you try to be. You become a curious thing, an unanswered mystery. Heh, I sure can be imaginative. Instead, today I realize that what I hate more than that is the unfamiliarity with others. As I watched my new housemate greeting her colleagues and asking questions about their holiday and chit chatting about the latest gossip in the media, I suddenly felt terribly lonely. I mean you only get to do that when you are close with them. As a new thing I just stood beside her trying my best to smile sweetly and secretly hoping people would give me some attention and just ask me about anything because I just couldnt stand being beside her and not knowing what to say to this group of people who are talking animatedly about the stuff I have totally no idea about. 

During that time, I cant help wondering how it would be like if I am at my old workplace, during the first day of school. Surely I'll be the minah kepoh asking everyone about their cuti. I can almost guarantee you my voice would be one of the faintly visible ones while the Principal is giving a speech about the more serious but boring matter in front. I guess it just sucks not being able to be myself. Dont get me wrong, I know I can make friends easily, I talk a lot and I can crack a lot of stupid jokes (but only with friends that have the same level of jokes hehe) but I mean you can only do those stuffs when you're familiar with that person, right? 

Therefore, right now, I am really missing all my familiar friends who know how I am like and accept me for what I really am. I am having the weekend all to myself. Since I find dining alone would make me look pathetic, I am so not looking forward to drive around the town miserably ordering take outs. 

Cant wait to put this awkward phase behind me so I can get back to being my makcik kepoh self pronto! 

2015. say a little prayer

Less tears more laughter please, that's all im praying for. Praying the same for everybody too <3 p="">

the first to many other firsts

So after becoming pretty much useless the whole day yesterday (it's only the first day of my break annnd I am already out of my wits!), today, I decided to do something I have never done before: watching movie at the cinema all by myself.. Upon announcing this on my instagram, I found out that actually, many of my friends have done this before, so what I am doing is not ground-breaking at all. haha..

But you see, you have to look at it from my perspective- I am the kind of person who would feel like a loser eating alone at a restaurant, would feel like the loneliest girl on the planet if I have to go window shopping on my own, would feel suffocated not talking to anyone for more than 2 hours. That's just the way I am. I hate being alone in whatever situation I am in (well, except for when I am obsessing over something embarassing muahahaa).  So me deciding to try this out is actually an achievement for me, haha, no matter how small it may seem to others.

So, the verdict? Well apart from I struggled a bit holding the drink, my popcorn and my hotdog on my own (no problem, just request for a plastic bag) and when I went to the toilet I have no one to ask for about what had I missed in the film, it was all good and empowering, even. I was able to concentrate better, plus I dont have to worry about what other people think of the movie after I suggested it at the first place. I watched Interstellar. To be honest, there are some things that I did not really understand, but again, no problem, I just continued watching and made a mental point to ask others about it later. So others who have free time while your friends or your family members do not, dont worry, just go to the movie and watch it alone. It's still very enjoyable too (granted the movie is nice laa)

Now, about the movie interstellar? If you are the kind of person who love movie which makes you still think about it even days after it ends, if you're into the outer-space stuff and its wonders, this is the movie for you. I've always loved and fascinated on things universe-related and I've always loved the movie that left me a bit unsettled, so I found the movie really nicee.

Just one bad thing after watching the movie, though: it makes my job as a teacher and my life on earth sooo much boring in comparison. Hahah.

Here's to the first of many other firsts. Next aim: to join a volunteer work (this one unnerve me a bit, it's always easier when you do stuff alone, instead of needing to communicate with strangers. hoho.. wish me luck!)

ssar

-inkelanajayaland-

Real Vs Appearance

What people show you
Is what they want you to think about them
A happy picture does not equal to a happy life
Likewise
Not posting happy stuff
Does not mean they're not having the time of their life

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any other social networks
Have helped people to create the world of façade
Create the medium to shape of how they want people to think of them

But it is impossible to be happy all the time you know, impossible.
The life you advertise
If it's not really what it is
Sooner or later its going to crumble
People will be able to see behind your mask anyway
Would be able to see that:
"Well, you dont have that perfect life too. You're not untouchable or invincible, just like any other human"

Knowing that,
stop comparing yourself to others who you think "have it all"
who you think "sadness cant touch them"
Cause it's not true
Just because they dont display their pain doesnt mean they dont experience one

Live your own life to the fullest
Take risk and be brave enough to fall, to hurt, to cry
Take risk and to try
Take risk and to fly

As long as you have God as your wings,
You wont die in futile

(a poem, [poem ke nihh?] inspired by my stalking on instagram) hehe

sarah_mukahland

our life has changed

And I think i finally have to accept that i've lost you
What used to bind us together: our dreams, our fears, has disappeared
u've achieved ur dreams
u no longer have things to fear
and im still here, still here

Sorry if i stay away
I need time to be okay
to finally digest the fact that we're worlds apart now,
No matter what you say

Truly, Im not sad u're happy
im just sad for me
but this test, it is fated to be
If it is custom made for me
There's high chance i, too will get my victory


S.s

letter to future self

yes. I still make grammar mistakes sometimes. But i can self-correct

I will be fine
give me time

semoga

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
Air mata tertahan
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan

Nanti kita kan tahu
Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apapun ini
Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga
Pemergianmu
tak akan mengubah apa pun

Semoga
Mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku

Tetiba out of nowhere this song came into my mind today. Siti Nurhaliza-Melawan kesepian