today, i have officially decided to hate ALL kinds of exam and test with passion. PERIOD.

OMG wat am i doing

erm, why did I took this subject again??

Ya Allah, permudahkan.. sesungguhnya semua ilmu itu adalah dari Mu jua

time and time again

few quick thoughts for tonight (just need to de-brief myself, fuhh)

1. Im super bz dis week, organizing event for ihya' Ramadhan (menghidupkan ramadhan), dont even have the time to go through my assignment yet, which is due next week, but as crazy as it seems, I kinda like the busy-ness of it all, and I think Im gonna miss it (though of course theres times when I wish I can just scream out of the pressure and then go to sleep). Having things to keep me occupied in a way protects me from doing lagho (unnecessary) things that doesnt benefit me (which btw includes, going through random blogs, watching trailers, looking at old albums for the 100th time just for the sake of having something to do apart from doing the assignments, etc2.)
2. I totally suck as a leader. I cant seem to make my own decision (always afraid to make one, afraid that it would be disaster). I cant think outside the box. I delegate tasks poorly. Sometimes I blame other people for my own mistake. I cant handle pressure (poor eny has to hear it all). This is of course not an exhaustive list. Just ask my team mates, they'll give u more. But it is ok. It is a challenge and I will try to learn. I will. Verily Allah has promised that He does not test us the test which we cannot cope. And thinking of that, I know I can handle this. Because Allah knows I can handle this. InsyaAllah. Berusaha Sarah!! hiyahh
3. Working with VIP is totally nerve-wrecking (especially when the title is Dato' Dr Professor, what title do u address him with anyway?? dat was my dillema). You dont know the right way to talk about, scared that there might be words inappropriate that might offends him (I almost talked in bahasa baku, imagine that), you're even afraid to make eye contacts and when suddenly your eyes wondered away because something else caught ur attention even just for a second, you're scared shit to look back at him incase he noticed that ur mind wandered away while he was talking. But all in all, he is just a human, its not like he talks in alien language (now I know that HAHA), and you can learn a lot from their experience (yes, one of the tips to win their hearts is to let THEM conquer most of the conversation, they'll like that), and if you're lucky, you get few gems (not real gems u mata duitan!!), pointers on things that u wont learn inside the class
4. People need to be reminded as frequent as possible, because we tend to forget. This week is the Islamic Awareness week in NZ and they held many activities and talks through out the week. The talks which is mostly at night, was quite a challenge for me, who is busy with class during the day, having a lot of planning to do for the Ihya' programme, but Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, Allah still make it easier for me to attend the talks (although it was out of guilt for Sha at first.hehe. lepas tu btolkan niat cpt2, alhamdulillah) and subhanallah, every talks I went there was always something that touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. Subhanallah. Thanks Allah for always guiding my heart through all this brothers and sisters. I wish I can be as good as them in talking and touching other people's heart (In future maybe, hehe)
5. I can do this I can do this I can do this (psycho diri sendiri). huhu. I need to give a welcoming speech on saturday. Nerve wrecking ok with all the VIPs and what not..huhu.. but I can, I can!! bercakap je pun kan.. bukan kene berdendang dendang hahaha psycho.
6. I LOVE ALLAH AND I MISS RASULULLAH!! huhu. after watching video "the chosen one" by Maher Zain and reading other people comments on how they are touched by the video which made them cry out of missing him so much, I cried too. This reminds me of  story told in one of the talk about one of the Prophet's sahabah. One day he cried so badly and Rasulullah asked him why. He told him that he is sad, because he would miss the prophet soo much in the day hereafter because even if he enters paradise, he would not be in the same Jannah as the Prophet so he would not be able to meet him anymore. And then Rasulullah s.a.w said "You will be with the one you love". So there- careful who you loves. If you love an idol so much, you would be with him. But where is that, heaven or hell? you decide.

Wahhh..ape mengarut panjang2 nii.. hahaha.. actually its an escapism. I need to write the welcoming text, but dont know where to start.But I will, I can! (im into positive thinking this days ;))

Happy Friday

"In the end what matters is not what you have, its what you give"

reminder to Self

“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, mengapa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu perbuat. Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahawa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan.” (QS 61, ayat 2-3)






Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahawa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan












Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah ya Allah

it's just one of those nights

it was a really longgggggggggggggggggggggggg day and I am barely able to keep my eyes open, but I know I just have to record this down


Tonight (24th July) was one of those night when we talked and we laughed and we joked like there is no tomorrow

And I am almost 100 % sure that it would be one of the nights that would be badly missed by me in the very near future.

life goes on, and will goes on, no matter u like it or not. It's just the fact that I would miss it sooo damn much that I am not looking forward to.



Would we be able to smile and laugh just as much when we are no longer together and when the days just seem longer?

even when the world turn their backs on you, I WILL NOT

its been a while since I talk about something that is beneficial and has substance. while talking about myself and the going ons in my life sounded vain most of the times but can be very self-healing at times, it is not the same as when you talk about something that can touch people's heart and can make people think, reflect and ponder. As written in the Quran:

Siapakah yg lebih baik perkataannya drpd org yg menyeru kpd Allah, mengerjakan amal soleh dan berkata:"Sesungguhnya aku termasuk org2 yg menyerah diri (kepada Allah)" [surah Fussilat, 41:33]


Who is better in speech than he who invites men to Allah, does righteous deeds and says: "Verily, I am one of those who submits to Allah" [surah Fussilat,41:33]


Now, I am not saying I am the quite the right person to talk about Islam when I myself am aware how big the gap in my knowledge about my own deen is. But what I want to write about is just more of a sharing of what I got last monday in a sharing session by Dr. (but I called her kak) Baiyah, a sister from Australia. It touched my heart and my very soul, and who knows, if Allah is willing, it could touch those who are reading this too. So here goes:


When talking about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, there can be no doubt that lots of people are aware who are the oppressed and who are the oppressor. No matter what the Israeli government says to justify their actions, it is OBVIOUS that they are in the wrong. It is also obvious however, that the notion of what the world sees as wrong or right plays no significant importance for the Jews in implementing the law as they want.

How many more children has to die? Can we really depend on others to solve the conflict? Is there ever a way out?

They kill people as they wish, overlooking the fact that the palestinian are also humans who deserve the same right as they are, pushing aside the thought of what it would be like if it is their own mother, their own babies, their own families that are being shot by random bullets, but guess what? NOBODY can stops them from doing what they want. Absoulutely NOBODY. People can condemn them all they want, can curse them all day long, can do demonstration every single day every single year, can boycott products produced by them faithfully, but in the end of the day, they would only hurt a little, and we would be dissapointed a lot. Because why? Well, every single agenda in this world is set by them. Its not like they didnt know that the world is watching and following the news about the flotilla when they attack. They know, but they still do it. And now the investigation about the flotilla attack would be done by them. ha ha ha. Hello, bygkan jela, kalau rumah kita masuk pencuri, pastu kita pulak yang suruh pencuri tu jalankan siasatan sape yang yang pecah rumah. Logik ke die akan berlaku adil? 


It is a big joke and yet, that is what the world has come to. Mereka dan keluarga mereka boleh buat sesuka hati. Even kalau besok die kata, "eh, bosan la, meh serang Malaysia la pulak", nobody can stop them. And they would not even have to provide reasons for their actions. And the truth is, as pointed by kak Baie, we are already in a "checkmate" situation by the enemies, where we cannot see the way out of this hell hole. Even in Malaysia, we might think we are free, but we do not realized that we have been conquered, colonized mentally. Even when the British gave us something to call our independence day on every 31st August (why the heck do we have to ask other people's permission to give us our country back on the first place??) they left us with education system that is forever living us entrapped with the way of thinking that supports their ruling over us. Just think, we said we hate them, we are angry at the way they are treating our brothers and sisters as if they are animals, but we live their lifestyles, we implement their system socially, politically and economically, a fact that we cannot escape.

Then, what do we do?We're only small insignificant people whose voices weigh so little. Then who do we look up to when the even the so-called Muslim country leaders are tongue and hand-tied to speak out against the Israelis for the fear of being the next victim? How do we make a comeback to an era in which the Muslims rule the world? Quoting kak baiyah, (well, lebih kurangla)


"Kalau kita tgk situasi umat Islam sekarang ni, kite boleh buat conclusion yang kita memang tak boleh menang ke atas orang2 yahudi yang sedang menguasai dunia ni, melainkan dengan pertolongan kuasa yang lebih besar dari diorang, iaitu kuasa Allah". Tapi INGAT, Allah dah berfirman dalam al-quran dlm surah Ar-Ra'd ayat 11:


"Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah keadaan yang ada pada mereka sendiri"


"God does not change what (is) with a nation until they change what (is) with themselves"


Jadi, mari fikir balik, adakah Allah akan ubah nasib umat Islam yang terseksa ditindas disana sini sedangkan kita yang kononnye bebas ni hanya baca berita, ckp kesiannye kesiannye, lepas tu sambung aktiviti harian mcm biasa, tgk tv yang sbenarnye mesin propaganda yahudi macam biasa, membuang masa stalking2 orang kat facebook macam biasa, bersembang kosong cakap pasal artis macam biasa, baca majalah hiburan macam biasa, gelak2 tgk cerita komedi mcm biasa, worries about the smallest things like why does my bf hasnt text me yet mcm biasa, masyarakat sibuk dengki mendengki mcm biasa? OF COURSE NOT!


we ourselves has to prove to Allah that we are trying hard to change our situation. and it starts with us going back to the basic: Learning about our deen through Quran and Sunnah. And no, it is not enough by just reciting it every so often, when we dont even understand a thing about what is being read. Dont just recite, read the tafseer, understand the meaning, dan yang paling penting amalkan cara hidup seorang muslim! Carik peluang untuk meningkatkan ketakwaan kita dgn belajar dari orang2 yang berilmu, tak kisahla dengan ape cara sekali pun. Join usrah ke, blajar kat youtube ke, gi dgr ceramah kat masjid2 ke, bace blog2 islamic ke, byk kott.. kalau nak download movie pun kita boleh berusaha carik link takkanla nak cari redha Allah tak boleh nak berusaha kan=)


dan ingatlah macam mana Allah menangkan umat Islam yang berpegang teguh dgn agama Allah dlm perang badar. 313 orang Islam menang melawan 1000 orang kafir walaupun lebih sedikit dan senjata lebih daif dari pihak musuh. Betapa nabi berdoa dan merintih dgn Allah "Ya Allah, menangkanlah umat Islam kerana jika kami kalah, sudah tiada siapa lagi yang akan menyembah Engkau". Dan betapa Allah hantarkan malaikat untuk tolong umat Islam. 

Kesimpulannya, tidak boleh tidak, tiada cara lain, kita kena kembali kepada Islam. KENA. MESTI. WAJIB. Kalau kita peka masalah saudara kita, terasa, tersedih, terluka, maka mari berusaha menjadi mengubah diri sendiri menjadi umat Islam yang lebih baik dan menggunakan neraca Islam dalam membuat apa sahaja pertimbangan.


Because, at the end of the day, ONLY cara hidup yang berlandaskan Islam SAHAJA yang Allah redha.




AYUH!! MARI BANGKIT!!

pom pom girl to myself

saye susah hati
gundah gulana
takut. bimbang.

dgn tugasan yang telah dipertanggungjawabkan

tapi saye kne kuat
sbb org Islam kene kuat dan berjiwa besar
kene. harus. mesti
ni baru sikit Allah uji, belum suruh berperang di Palestin lagi

you can Sarah, you can!! go go go!!

ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan kami, berkatilah..
ameen ya rabbal alamin