Saturday, May 5, 2012

tonight we were young

it was 9 p.m when I finally arrived home. mom was not home yet from work. poor her. I used to get angry over the fact that she sometimes spends more time working than being with us. But now that I have already started working I think I could relate to how actually its not that you are choosing work over family, it is just about managing multiple responsibilities. and sometimes you cant help it that u need to spend more time focusing on one responsibilities over the others. And for me it is OK as long as you make the time to make up for it some other time (I dont know if I am making any sense here).

Anyway, I was actually planning to greet my mom with a sweet smile and a huge hug but I was met with a scowl instead "Lain kali park la depan sikit supaya kereta ma boleh muat," she said without a smile. It was not the first time actually. My house cant barely store the three cars that we have. But being me the lousy driver, I am still struggling on making sure that I have parked my car close enough to the car in front of me without hitting the bumper. Hence, the lack of space for another car. I know she was tired, but I was tired too. And it is not much fun when the first sentence you say to each other after one week apart is regarding a bad parking right? But I decided not to be touchy about it. Everyone has their bad days. We are human afterall, not robots. We are programmed with all kind of emotions. Happy, excited, angry, anxious, sad, depressed among others. We are designed that way so that we realize how vulnerable we are sometimes. So we are aware of, and can turn to, the one without any vulnerability: Allah.

Ive actually diverged too much from the main thing I want to talk about. Well I think one of the reasons I wasnt upset is because I had a great day going out with my best friend today. It is so refreshing and re-energizing  spending the time with someone who you can talk about anything, changing the topic seamlessly from one unrelated issue to another without sounding out of place. We were talking about the situation at our current school and suddenly we're talking about disliking this one artist without even knowing how it is related. We are weird like that. But I like it. Both of us were having a flue but we were trying to talk about everything as if that was the only time we have that we end up having short of breaths (I still do until now, semput). We looked through the pictures we took when we were in NZ and we laughed like crazy at all the stupid poses we did. (why we had thought we were beautiful with that stupid poses even I have no idea). "It seems like so long ago, now, it seems like just a dream", I kept saying. 

People said we would never appreciate what we have until its gone. Well, even with that in mind during my final year and even though I tried to really appreciate and store every single seconds when I was there, I know there is no way I will ever stop missing it. I miss my life in NZ like crazy, it hurts. But of course time moves, that is its nature. And I am thankful that I had my chance. Although now my life seems less interesting and less colourful than it was before, I still need to move on and go on to create great new memories. Although at times it seems bleak, I have realized today during our lively chat and big laugh that even though the scenery and situation might be different now, I still have you and my other friends to re-create that happy memories, wherever I am, whenever I feel that I need it. And you will always have me too. Of course it wont be the same but I know it doesnt always have to be bad either, right? So lets make a promise no matter how bad our future situation is gonna be we will always hold on to each other and make each other strong. I know we can;)

i have been jumping from one thing to another like a maniac. and I dont even know if someone is even willing to read this till the end. No matter, I mostly wrote this for myself. So im quite happy I really get to express myself today after a long hiatus=)

and last but not least i just thought I would like to say this (although macam tetibe)- to my family and my friends-my dearest, you guys are by far, my favourite. For always being there for me during my good and bad days, thank you.
good ol' times

dari mana nk kemana

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