Thursday, January 10, 2013

rambura rambu ramba

i had a field day of disappointment and anger today. Well, 'field day' is not really a good phrase to use since it suggests a day of joy but I guess being trapped in all this different feeling makes me wants to laugh at the irony of it all.

Wish list:

  1. I wish I was a better teacher. The one who can explain a concept clearly and knowledgeably so that the students would be able to feel confident with me. Not like what happened during the class today. I feel bad, I am sorry dear kids
  2. I wish I knew how to handle the Police Cadet better. I am sorry again dear cadets, I have unintendedly showed the weak side of me. I mean not having any experience handling extra-curricular activity is quite hard. At least those who did their Diploma of Education in Malaysia had some ideas on what to do. Me? When there was still a lottttt of time left after I have done everythingg that was on my agenda, I was stuck on what else to do. You see, quick thinking is something I have not mastered yet. I ended up asking the students to sew the batches on to their beret. Police Cadet= Sewing club? 
  3. I wish I had more confidence in myself. I mean if I did what I have planned for my class today and not change my plan at the last minute and did what my colleague did with his class (just because I thought his material was better. I do think I suffer from inferiority complex) but end up struggling implementing the new lesson plan and messed it all up, I think I would not have feel this incompetent.
  4. I wish people dont make faces after listening to their friend's advice (which was requested by themselves on the first place). It was hurtful. And totally immature

I guess they are not really a wish list. I mean wish lists are supposed to be wishing getting something you have not received yet and what I did was wishing that I could change something that had happened. Which I can't.

But well luckily most of them are something that I could work on, right? Like

1) I could be a better teacher. I will not waste my time wondering over what the students think of me. If they thought I was bad, well, I could always work to be better to change that perception of theirs

2) In the future I should always prepare a back up plan incase the activity that I have planned finish earlier than I thought. That, would save me from the embarassment of not knowing what to do with the extra time

3) I should have more confidence in myself. Do what I feel I am comfortable with instead of worrying that I got it all wrong and change my plan at the last minute. Which was stupid

4) I cant change people's attitude. but I cant help to feel hurt either. I guess I can always talk directly about how it is not really nice to give inappropriate response when they were the first one who asked for advice.

Haha this is me re-assuring myself again. Sorry if I seemed bipolar or having multiple personalities.
I am tired, I am missing my family and my friends and I am worrying about the ever increasing work loads. But I am learning to take it one step at a time and surviving it insyaAllah
Like I have read on the FB, dont say oh Allah I have a great problem, say hey problem, I have a great Allah!  Chaiyo everyone. Berusaha! ^_^

Nah, a tired smile fo ya from pompuan hidung gergasi ni. Haha. (eh tp bersyukur je tau ada hidung)

dari mana nk kemana

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