Familiarity and being familiar is a privilege
And I only realize that when I am the outsider
Today was the day when I started working at my new school
For your info, I was dreading about this since I knew I got to be transferred here
Not to be grateful or anything, I mean I am glad I am now only a driving distance from my hometown (although it still takes 3 hours, and for the record, driving alone really sucks, and no amount of sing along songs that u've asked your brother to burn into the CD would help you stay awake. Keeping my focus on the road was a real challenge)
It's just that I really dont look forward to being the new thing in town.
Before today, I thought the thing that would make me uncomfortable is people giving me unwanted attention. Somehow being new you just stand out, no matter how bland you try to be. You become a curious thing, an unanswered mystery. Heh, I sure can be imaginative. Instead, today I realize that what I hate more than that is the unfamiliarity with others. As I watched my new housemate greeting her colleagues and asking questions about their holiday and chit chatting about the latest gossip in the media, I suddenly felt terribly lonely. I mean you only get to do that when you are close with them. As a new thing I just stood beside her trying my best to smile sweetly and secretly hoping people would give me some attention and just ask me about anything because I just couldnt stand being beside her and not knowing what to say to this group of people who are talking animatedly about the stuff I have totally no idea about.
During that time, I cant help wondering how it would be like if I am at my old workplace, during the first day of school. Surely I'll be the minah kepoh asking everyone about their cuti. I can almost guarantee you my voice would be one of the faintly visible ones while the Principal is giving a speech about the more serious but boring matter in front. I guess it just sucks not being able to be myself. Dont get me wrong, I know I can make friends easily, I talk a lot and I can crack a lot of stupid jokes (but only with friends that have the same level of jokes hehe) but I mean you can only do those stuffs when you're familiar with that person, right?
Therefore, right now, I am really missing all my familiar friends who know how I am like and accept me for what I really am. I am having the weekend all to myself. Since I find dining alone would make me look pathetic, I am so not looking forward to drive around the town miserably ordering take outs.
Cant wait to put this awkward phase behind me so I can get back to being my makcik kepoh self pronto!