Wednesday, December 29, 2010

All about The Beloved

This is something I have found while I was blog hopping- the testimonies by non-muslim personalities of the world, on our beloved Prophet and what they think of him:

“Philosopher, orator, apostle, legislator, warrior, conqueror of ideas, restorer of rational dogmas, of a cult without images; the founder of twenty terrestrial empires and of one spiritual empire, that is Muhammad. As regards all standards by which human greatness may be measured, we may well ask, is there any man greater than he?”
Lamartine, HISTOIRE DE LA TURQUIE, Paris, 1854, Vol. II, pp. 276-277.
It is not the propagation but the permanency of his religion that deserves our wonder, the same pure and perfect impression which he engraved at Mecca and Medina is preserved, after the revolutions of twelve centuries by the Indian, the African and the Turkish proselytes of the Koran. . . The Mahometans have uniformly withstood the temptation of reducing the object of their faith an devotion to a level with the senses and imagination of man. ‘I believe in One God and Mahomet the Apostle of God’ is the simple and invariable profession of Islam. The intellectual image of the Deity has never been degraded by any visible idol; the honours of the prophet have never transgressed the measure of human virtue, and his living precepts have restrained the gratitude of his disciples within the bounds of reason and religion.”
Edward Gibbon and Simon Ocklay, HISTORY OF THE SARACEN EMPIRE, London, 1870, p. 54.
“He was Caesar and Pope in one; but he was Pope without Pope’s pretensions, Caesar without the legions of Caesar: without a standing army, without a bodyguard, without a palace, without a fixed revenue; if ever any man had the right to say that he ruled by the right divine, it was Mohammed, for he had all the power without its instruments and without its supports.”
Bosworth Smith, MOHAMMAD AND MOHAMMADANISM, London, 1874, p. 92.
“It is impossible for anyone who studies the life and character of the great Prophet of Arabia, who knows how he taught and how he lived, to feel anything but reverence for that mighty Prophet, one of the great messengers of the Supreme. And although in what I put to you I shall say many things which may be familiar to many, yet I myself feel whenever I re-read them, a new way of admiration, a new sense of reverence for that mighty Arabian teacher.”
Annie Besant, THE LIFE AND TEACHINGS OF MUHAMMAD, Madras,1932, p. 4.
“His readiness to undergo persecutions for his beliefs, the high moral character of the men who believed in him and looked up to him as leader, and the greatness of his ultimate achievement – all argue his fundamental integrity. To suppose Muhammad an impostor raises more problems than it solves. Moreover, none of the great figures of history is so poorly appreciated in the West as Muhammad.”
W. Montgomery Watt, MOHAMMAD AT MECCA, Oxford, 1953, p. 52.
“Muhammad, the inspired man who founded Islam, was born about A.D. 570 into an Arabian tribe that worshipped idols. Orphaned at birth, he was always particularly solicitous of the poor and needy, the widow and the orphan, the slave and the downtrodden. At twenty, he was already a successful businessman, and soon became director of camel caravans for a wealthy widow. When he reached twenty-five, his employer, recognizing his merit, proposed marriage. Even though she was fifteen years older, he married her, and as long as she lived, remained a devoted husband.
“Like almost every major prophet before him, Muhammad fought shy of serving as the transmitter of God’s word, sensing his own inadequacy. But the angel commanded “Read.” So far as we know, Muhammad was unable to read or write, but he began to dictate those inspired words which would soon revolutionize a large segment of the earth: “There is one God.”
“In all things Muhammad was profoundly practical. When his beloved son Ibrahim died, an eclipse occurred, and rumours of God’s personal condolence quickly arose. Whereupon Muhammad is said to have announced, “An eclipse is a phenomenon of nature. It is foolish to attribute such things to the death or birth of a human being.” “At Muhammad’s own death an attempt was made to deify him, but the man who was to become his administrative successor killed the hysteria with one of the noblest speeches in religious history: “If there are any among you who worshipped Muhammad, he is dead. But if it is God you worshipped, He lives forever.”
James A. Michener, “ISLAM: THE MISUNDERSTOOD RELIGION,” in READER’S DIGEST (American edition), May 1955, pp. 68-70.
“My choice of Muhammad to lead the list of the world’s most influential persons may surprise some readers and may be questioned by others, but he was the only man in history who was supremely successful on both the religious and secular level.”
Michael H. Hart, THE 100: A RANKING OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSONS IN HISTORY, New York: Hart Publishing Company, Inc., 1978, p. 33.

You know, after reading this, I cant help it from being proud and glad that I am a Muslim and Muhammad is my prophet. But it also made me sad and ashamed of myself. Here are great historians and thinkers who think very highly of our prophet and they know this because they study about him in detail. 
How about us? How much do we know about him? How many of us would gladly spend their free time reading the story about his life than spending hours on Western/Korean/ Japanese/ Hindi movies, sitcoms and series. How many of us can convince how great our prophet is when being asked by the non-muslims because we know a lot about him that we can recite his saying smoothly and confidently? (I think we know more about our favourite group/singer than we know him) And how many of us are closely following his examples rather than feeling more comfortable to follow whats "in" according the society right now, regardless whether its following the Islam guidelines, or not?
I am not talking about other people here, I am talking about myself too, and you know, lots of things got to change. We claim that we love him but how do we prove that love? What I am saying here is that we should strive to learn more about him, follow his sunnah by studying the hadiths because verily, he Muhammad, is the best example for mankind. As stated in the Quran: "Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Muhammad) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes for (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much" (33:21)
It might seem hard at first, but it is possible. Set a realistic target for each day (e.g read at least one hadith every day, read a chapter about Rasulullah's life and his sahabahs, etc.) and stay true to it. If we can spend hours and hours glued to the screen of our TV/laptop I am sure spending some time studying things that would benefit us hereafter would  not be a problem =)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

i hate usrah?

just seconds ago, randomly i looked through my feedjit live (i just love knowing how people get to my blog in the first place) and guess what, one of the guests had stumbled to my blog by googling "i hate usrah"

ironic, u know. because I just LOVE usrah. although i am far from perfect, i think it has changed me a lot, in positive ways. i'll make a special post on this, insyaAllah, i promise

its just sad (and a bit weird too) people would google that. it's like trying to find the justification for hating something that is not suppose to be hated, if you get what im saying.

but maybe that's just me.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

not feeling up

having nothing to look forward to is so demotivating.


cheer me up, please

Sunday, November 14, 2010

aku bukan malaikat

i write best when I am emotional. I might not be the most rational at that time but I am definitely being the most honest. If I were to write how I felt right after I knew somebody has made a "passing remark" about me yesterday, this entry would be of a different tone. But tonight's entry is based on a rather long contemplation and reflection on what other people talk about me and if I am justified to get pissed off out of it.

so I've heard about how somebody has talked about me, about how me, as someone they labelled as 'kakak usrah' has been displaying behaviour that they think do not suit my title. And its not just somebody anybody, it was from a friend (and I dont know exactly who). Hearing that, I was furious for 2 reasons:

  1. they are talking behind my back. If I really did something bad, why cant they just come to me upfront and tell me to my face so I can change my ways?
  2. I hate the fact that when people label me as 'kakak usrah' they would assume that I am maksum, and that I should be perfect free from sins while it is ok for them to do such things

For people who doesnt know, this year is actually a big leap for me. I have changed a lot, and the most obvious change is in the change of my appearance. I am wearing bigger hijabs. What inspire this? Lets just simply say that this year I feel more obligated to show good examples, because I have to practice what I preach. To be honest, I actually asked my mum to post me hijabs that are not see through and bigger than the usual bawal style hijab, she end up sending me a wayy bigger hijabs that made me scared, just to look at it. 

Why? Because I knew that once I put on the hijab, my whole world would change. It means the change of my whole wardrobe: I cant possibly wear those kind of hijab with tight jeans can i?. It means the change of how I interact with people:  I cant possibly wear those big hijabs and mingle and laugh freely with the non-muhrims without people looking at me funnily can I? It means the change of my hobbies: I cant possibly wear that kind of hijabs reading love stories when people would associate me as someone who reads only the quran and religious blogs all the time can I? And this is the hardest one- it means the change of personalities: I cant possibly be as assertive as I was, commenting on every single things about other people and stuffs when people would associate people who wears that kind of hijab as someone who is reserved, soft spoken, talk only when its really important and every single word that come out of my mouth is a gem, can I? 

Funny how a piece of cloth can be so powerful and significant huh?

If I were to come back to me 5 years ago and show her the picture of how I look now, she would not be able to believe it I can change that much. My mum sending the wrong size (at that time) hijab was actually a blessing in disguise. At that time I never thought I would ever wear it: its just not me. I am not that girl, I just cant see myself being that good and pious.But once I've donned that piece of hijab, (I was really really conscious at that time, and I saw the look of people shocked at my new appearance, but no one commented anything, it was a relieved), there is just no turning back. I like how I look, no, it was an understatement, i LOVE how I look. I feel more at peace even if it means that I have to abandoned 70% of the clothes in my wardrobe and I have limited of 'sopan' blouses that can suit that big hijab. Even if it means I might look unfashionable to others. As long as Allah please, as long as Allah please.Its just a piece of cloth, but wearing it made me want to do good all the time, because I dont want to ruin the image of a Muslim. Wearing it made me wanted to be closer to my Rabb, and make me work harder for that- learn more about Islam, put more effort to spread the Deen, striving to do things that I pray He would be please.

But you know what, changing a personality that has been developed through years of socialization and family upbringing and experiences, is not as easy as changing appearance. I've been living like that for 22 years before I chose to change. I dont know if there might be others who can make a 360 degrees turn that they are a completely new better person but for me, its not that easy. It has only been a few months, the old me is still here inside me. It is a part of me. Sometimes I still do the things that the old me would do and take as granted, forgetting that for the new me, people would see that as unacceptable. Sometimes I am still guilty talking bad about other people, forgetting that I should not ruin the image of a 'big hijab' person. Sometimes I do wish that people would stop seeing me as someone that is a really good person when in truth I am flawed in many ways, I've sinned in every single day. Sometimes I wish people could just see me as me, not some kind of saint or angel, because I am not! Believe it or not, I am in a constant struggle with myself every single day, just like everybody else

But once I thought hard about it, once I've reflected on about how people are talking bad about me because I did that and did this when 'people like me' should only do that and do this, it is actually Allah's way to remind me that I should change, that I am not good enough as I thought I have been. So, going back for the 2 reason that I have given above as a justification reason for being angry, here is the rebuttal:

  1. well sarah, you are sometimes guilty of talking behind other people too. What rights do you have to get angry when you are also doing the same thing to other people? Something gotta change, fast. Now you know how it feels when people talk bad behind of you, imagine how other people would feel too. If you dont want people to talk bad about you, you should stop doing that too
  2. People seeing you as someone who cant and shouldnt commit a sin is actually a blessing. It just means that you have to work harder to fulfill their expectations. Not because you care about what they are saying, but because you care about how Allah think of you. Its not a bad thing that they are thinking like that of you, it just means that you have to be more careful and aware of how you act, how you talk because people are seeing and listening. I mean, it is better that people are concern about you not being good enough from people dont comment anything about you when you do bad stuffs because they expect that from you, right?  In a way, their expectations are actually a way for you to take care of yourself, especially in the iman department. 

For other people and friends who are reading this, on your part, I just wish you could be more understanding. This new me, is still very new and I am still learning and relearning every single hour every single day. If you cant support me, the least you can do is do nothing,  not let me down. Lets strive to not talk badly about other people (it is super hard I know, but insyaAllah not impossible) because trust me, when you know that people talk about you, you would be hurt, and you cant even be angry about it.

This might be the longest post ever in my blog, and it truly comes from the depth of my heart. I am truly truly sorry if I have hurt anybody.

Every single thing that happen to us is a blessing, if we know the right way of looking at it and if we remember, that Allah is the most merciful, most loving

Saturday, November 13, 2010


amacam template yang ni? matang skit tak? Hahaha

current obsession: blog template hunting! help

Sunday, November 7, 2010


bad bad sunday- exams + running nose + incomprehensible study topic + lack of junkfood to keep me alert + lapar + struggling in planning a farewell dinner + serabut memikirkan workshop tasks and the incoming presentation = not a good combination

but i could think million other things that could make it worse. and for that, thank you Allah, Alhamdulillah.

just please ya Allah, kurniakan aku kesabaran, kuatkan aku, permudahkan urusanku. For every strength I had, You were the source. Bantulah hambaMu ini ya Allah.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

i have the attention span of a gold fish (eh?)

oh my GoOODDd (part God tu buat suara mendayu dayi ala2 tarzan)

how am i supposed to finish this assignment when I cant even concentrate for 2 minutes? how how? i really do think I have ADD (attention deficit disorder). Weird enough, it is fully cured when I do something else other than the schoolworks. huhu.

mata! jangan mengada ngada please. bukan stay up pun malam semalam nak buat kuyu2. haish, cocok buat satay kang.

target nak siapkan 1500 words essay in a day. possible ke?

Saturday, October 23, 2010


am i ready?

would I ever be ready??

Friday, October 22, 2010

act of random kindness

hi there

i am finally writing again because i am stuck with my assignment. nak pilih tajuk pun da stuck. such a loser. huh. huhu. so here i am talking about random things dat has crossed my mind while I was pushing trolley at pak n save yesterday.

u know, an act of random kindness can leave an everlasting effect on those who you were kind to. For example, there is this one time when I accompanied my mum to go to Carefour subang. for those who have been there u'll know how the escalator look like, die bukannya bertangga, tapi conveyer dia tu flat je untuk letak trolley skali (common kut kat mane2 shopping complex skarang). and ive always been scared of such escalator padahal kalau once kite letak trolley tu tayar die akan stuck so xdela kena tahan trolley tu dari menggelongsor pun, but still, I always find myself grabbing the trolley with all my might, scared of it slipping away and hit those who are in front of me.

And one day, it really does. I was around 12-13 years old at that time and I might be waaay thinner than I am now, and the trolley seems wayyyy bigger. I dont know how and what went wrong on that day but instead of the tyre being stucked on the conveyor, die menggelongsor dgn laju and hit a chinese lady at the back with full force. i can only imagine how painful and shocked she was suddenly being hit by a giant trolley (luckily it was empty) and I was prepared to be scolded by her there and then. But, she asked me instead "are you alright?" (my face must be terribly scared at that time that she took pity on me, haha). I was so touched by that, that I remember that incident until today-10 years later! I am not sure if I were on her place I would act the same, the least I might do is giving the jelingan maut kut, the most, marah2. but no, at that time, she chose to let it go and cared for me instead.

so see? how random kindness can really touch other people's heart?

 what kindness have you done today? lets do one

Friday, October 15, 2010

i feel like im on the verge of breaking down
but wait,
i dont even have the energy to do that right now


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Kau cabar Tuhan??

Seksualiti Merdeka is a much needed frank look at the very core of all us human beings, our sexuality, and the diversity that lies within. We need to accept and then celebrate.” – Datin Paduka Marina Mahathir 

Calling all Malaysians to join in a group hug of Love, Acceptance and Compassion!

And so what they said about celebrating SEKSUALITI MERDEKA 2010, an upcoming event in malaysia which is basically saying "hey malaysian, lets join the rest of the world to say its alright to have same sex relationship! Who cares about what Allah has to think about this? Laknat Allah? HAHA, apa tu?apa apa je lah" (google it yourself if you want to know more. Tak kuasa nak letak link)

Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah ! Its a different thing if we are talking about the non-muslims, of course the concept of retribution by Allah might be foreign to them, but to see that there are also Muslims endorsing this kind of event, its heartbreaking! Besar sangatkah kita kita ini sampai tak takut berlagak dengan Allah. Penting sangatkah mendapat approval dari manusia yang kononnya embracing the modernity sehingga sanggup membelakangkan hukum Allah? Tak cukup ke Allah cerita dalam Al-Quran macam mana Allah turunkan malapetaka keatas kaum nabi Luth yang mengamalkan hubungan sesama jantina?

Firman Allah dalam surah Al A'raf :84 menceritakan kesudahan orang-orang yang membelakangkan Tuhan mereka:

"Dan Kami hujani mereka dengan hujan (batu). Maka perhatikanlah bagaimana kesudahan orang yang berbuat dosa itu"

Sesungguhnya aku takut. Sangat-sangat takut

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Reviving Islamic spirit

As known by lot of people, im such a cry baby, I cry so easily sometimes its soo stupid. But I think this time I have got a good enough reason to do so. It is just soo heart-lifting! Just watching this video has already revived my Islamic spirit, I wonder what would happen if I actually got the chance to went there!

Here, watch it yourself and you'll get what I meant

Sunday, October 3, 2010

the worst sickness

i am sick

i have been home sick for two days now.

i miss accompanying my mom to my sister's school

i miss 'pau'-ing my dad for kuih tepi jalan

i miss my sisters and brother, playing monoply or just plain laughing over silliest things with them

i miss having my fat cat on my lap and the big purr he is always making

i miss eating hot buns from kings confectionary

i miss miss miss

8 months seem so long now

Friday, September 24, 2010

Have u ever ever ever

Have u ever be in a situation where you receive something more than you deserve?

say for example, in an exam which you feel you have done it badly and you think there's 100 % chance that u really gonna fail it freaks the heck out of you, and the thought of receiving the paper back caused u goosebumps, but when you finally have the courage to check ur marks, u did not only pass the exam, but u got an A for that paper

no, I did not just got an A in an exam. that was just a hypothetical example but surely, at least once in your life, u've encountered such miracles? whenever I receive something more than I deserve, I felt so small, and so overwhelmed by Allah's kindness and grace towards me. As human, we tend to forget, and always forget, that Allah is indeed the only one who decides what we will receive, either bad or good. Either you think you deserve it or not. 

But we are always so scared of spending more time for Allah - often we feel burdened and reluctant going to study circle where we get to learn more about our own deen or listening to a religious lecture at the mosque/uni, worrying that we wont get enough time to finish our assignment on time/studying for the exam (when we actually have time to stalk people on FB every 5 minutes, watching latest clip videos of our favourite korea boy band etc., blog hopping, etc. etc.). Dont worry, Im not just talking about other people, I do that sometimes too. All I am saying is, we always use exam or assignment excuses for not spending more time for Him, but do we realize that it is Allah, who is the BEST of providers? Even when we spend every single minute of our life studying, but if Allah is not please with us and He wont grant us success, who else do you think can help us? yes, you got that right- NO ONE.

so whatever we do, we should always remember that, in the end its up to Allah to decide whether we will be successful or not. so study a lot, and pray a lot more. and dont fret if He still doesnt grant u much this time, its just His way to test you. And sometimes, even bad grades are better for us, as a reminder that we shouldnt easily be pleased with ourselves, and Allah wants us to work harder. Apa-apa pun, sentiasa bersangka baiklah dengan Allah. Remember, orang mukmin itu bila mendapat nikmat dia bersyukur, bila di timpa kesusahan dia bersabar. 

And may we be among those who Allah considers as "mukmineen". Ameenn =))

Sunday, September 19, 2010

ya Allah, what I have done tonight, was only to please you

please guide me, guide my heart,


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

last raya in welly

favourite pictures from this year's Eid:

tak sah kalau xde gmbr pose ayu

tak sah kalau x menyakat housemate

tak sah kalau x amik gmbr "yang nmpk oversea"

tak sah kalau x perasan masih budak 1st year nk amik gmbr camni

we were roommates in KMS! (how many years has it been now?)
dgn signboard universiti yg berbahasa maori. tidak akan ditemui di malaysia
irrina kata "mcm sex in the city". I said "no, its sopan in da city" hehe

alolo..comelnye..anak-anak sape nihh?? hehe

tak sah kalau x makan2

Dengan kakak2 usrah yang membawa saya mengenal Islam yang sebenar, bukan Islam warisan. terima kasihhh byk2, saya ingat sampai mati insyaAllah

suapan kasih sayang di hari raya (kononnya, haha)

Eh tiba2 di raya ke 3 menjadi lebih tinggi dari eny.hehe.jeng3

jangan rempit2 di hari raya (sambil menunjukkan gaya rempit)

nah kak cipot, suapan kasih sayang suci murni.hehe

been preparing for raya dishes with them (everton boys, everton girls, fnab mira eka) since first year. Gonna miss that LOADS T_T

annnndd, special for everyone reading this (click picture for a larger view):

p/s- Faraha, wish you are here ;)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


kadang-kadang cinta kepada Allah dan rindu melihat Islam kembali diletakkan pada tempatnya menuntut pengorbanan cinta kepada manusia

saat ini, hanya Dia sahaja yang mengerti perasaan aku dan ya Allah, mohon kau kuatkan imanku dan teguhkan pendirianku

Monday, September 6, 2010

wat is the first thing u think about when you thought you gonna die?

When I was woken up by the violent earthquake 2 days before around 4 30 am and it doesnt seem to show any sign that it is going to stop, I was positive that I am going to die. Positive.

I was frantically trying to remember what was the last thing I did before I went to sleep.Was it a good deed or was it a bad one? Was Allah the last thing I remember? Was I saying anything bad about other people? And oh Lord, are my deeds enough to grant me paradise or hell would be the road for me?  While my lips non stop asking for His forgiveness (istighfar) and saying the syahadah incase I am going to die anytime soon. My heart was beating so fast I thought its going to jump out of my chest.

Its amazing to think that when I thought that I was on the verge of dying, I wasnt thinking about the loved ones I am going to leave behind (though I do think about them later when the situation stabilized), but I was thinking about myself -about how prepared I am (or not) to meet Allah and how scared and worried I was about what my fate would be after I die. Yes, in the end you would only think about yourself. It reminds me of an ayaah in the quran where Allah mentions about the Judgement Day:

"Pada hari itu manusia lari dari saudaranya, dan dari ibu bapanya, dan dari isteri dan anak-anaknya, setiap orang dari mereka pada hari itu mempunyai urusan yang menyibukkannya"

"On that day man will flee from his brother, and from his mother and his father, and from his wife and his sons,  every one of them on that day would has anxiety that is enough for him'

                                                                                                                       (Surah Abasa: 34-37)

But are we ready when Allah decide that is the time to leave the world? Are we ever going to be ready? Of course not. But if we are someone who is consistent in obeying Allah's order and leave things that He permits maybe we can at least hope Allah will show some mercy on us. Even that would not guarantee that we would be safe from hellfire. Because on the end of the day, even if we enter Jannah, it would be on His mercy, not because we've done enough. As narrated by Abu Huraira (ra): 

Allah's Apostle said  , "The deeds of anyone of you will not save you (from the Fire)." They said, "Even you (will not be saved by your deeds), O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "No, even I (will not be saved) unless and until Allah bestows His Mercy on me. Therefore, do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately, and worship Allah in the forenoon and in the afternoon and during a part of the night, and always adopt a middle, moderate, regular course whereby you will reach your target (Paradise)." 

We always make plan for later. But after that experience I have learnt that we can never ever guarantee that there is always going to be a 'later'. We cant. We can't even guarantee that we would still be able to take in the oxygen when we take our next breath, let alone guarantee that we would still be alive tomorrow. If only we humans knew how fragile our life is, how powerless, how truly weak we are in comparison to Allah who is the Owner of our souls, who can take life from us anytime He wishes, we would always want to do good all the time.

And after that experience I've vowed not to sleep unless I've asked for forgiveness from Allah. And after that experience I've vowed to be a better person and do good all the time.

 So dear friends who are reading this, if I somehow forgot my vows, please please remind me.

And ya Allah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah Allahuakbar for the invaluable lesson. And Ya Allah, if one day it is really the time to go, please please please place me, my family and my friends in Jannah among those whom You loves. Ameen ya Rabbal alamin.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

whats special about u?

have u ever been in a situation where you need to introduce yourself for the first time, and just to make things interesting you were asked to tell what is special about you or few unknown facts about urself? 

I am always at loss and sometimes annoyed when Im required to do such thing (although im guilty of doing the exact same thing to the juniors). So what do we tell what special about ourselves without sounding boastful and too proud of yourselves? like say, for me, I always end up saying something about

1. I am half-chinese
2. I was born in USA
3. My ambition was to become a Brunei queen

or something embarassing about how:

1. When my father asked me what I want to be when I can work, I told him (dgn penuh bersemangat dan muka bangga) "Ada dua cita-cita, satu nak jadi cashier, no 2, nak jadi penjaga tol". (notice how all my ambition is related to handling and holding money? and yes, being a queen involves handling and holding money too. although in a different sense. heheh) Now I understand why my father looked very worried at that time. HAHA

2. I am scared of the most harmless (well not for me its not!) animal in the world: worms, or anything that is boneless, which includes leeches, shell-less snails, etc. Dont test me on this if you dont want to be deaf for the rest of your life

but I guess if I am given more time to think about the facts about myself I can give you more:

1. I dont like people feel pity for me. It will just made me feel more shitty than I already am. So just dont.

2. I cant stand rejection and betrayal. Especially from those that I love. I just cant. The pain caused from this I cant help but remember over and over again, and everytime I am reminded of it, it will still cause me a set of fresh pain. And mind you, I am someone who has very bad memories (I forget things so easily that I forgot I've wore my contact lenses I'd still put on my glasses), but not sad memories inflicted by betrayal and any kind of rejection from the people I love.

3. I am such a crybaby. I am easily touched by everything. Even Malaysia winning a badminton tournament would bring tears to my eyes (that's how patriotic I am), and watching videos or reading about new muslim converts never failed to make shed a tear, seeing how Allah, if He wishes to, can bestow His hidayah in the most unexpected ways to anyone He wishes to. It also made me reflect about how ungrateful I have been about how i am so blessed to be born in this religion when others have to gone through so much to find Islam, while others never do =(

i think there's more but thats what I can think about right now. 

p/s- i write when i am bothered about something

Friday, August 27, 2010

doing what I do best: running and flying away

i think its normal to be curious. people get curious about the curious kind of things all the time.

for example, when you met a handsome couple, you'd wonder how they met each other for the first time. Will they still be together when the time catches on them and the beauty, like everything else, fades away..

for example, when you look at a pair of lovely blue eyes of a women who is wearing a niqab, you'd wonder what made her decided to dress that way on the first place. Was she pious from the beginning, or did something made her change. Was her faith that drove her decision? Or was she just following the expected dress code of the community.

for example, at 5pm when you're on your way to the nearest super market (which is not too near), you looked at the passing strangers, rushing off to somewhere and wonder who they will come home to, or if they even have anyone to come home to.

for example, when you look at your tutor who is trying to make jokes in the class so in will be somewhat 'lively' (but she still look awkward all the same), whether she is really happy with her life or if she wishes if there is something more to it.

and, for example, when you look at the FEEDJIT live traffic feed, and you wonder how this people get to arrive on your blog at the first place. Bcuz interestingly, this week I got 2 visitor from South Africa and Sarajevo Federation of Bosnia and Herzegovina (I know for other people receiving visitors from all around the world is no big deal, but it is for stupid blog like mine, ehem). Even when I am visited by someone who is from Petaling Jaya, Malaysia, I'd wonder who they are, and I wonder if they know that I like knowing that at least someone reads my pointless rambling.

 But just like most things that I am curious about, sadly enough, I would never get the answers

(unless you'd drop by a message and tell me who u are. that would be awesome)


im just buying myself some time before i have to force myself to prepare food for tomorrow's Sahur. hoho

goodnite. be good.

p/s-berusaha bangun qiam yuk?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

i talk about random things

a title on an academic book found in VUW library today:

"the writer is not dead, he is merely somewhere else"

cute huh?

Friday, August 20, 2010

today, i have officially decided to hate ALL kinds of exam and test with passion. PERIOD.

Monday, August 9, 2010

OMG wat am i doing

erm, why did I took this subject again??

Ya Allah, permudahkan.. sesungguhnya semua ilmu itu adalah dari Mu jua

Friday, August 6, 2010

time and time again

few quick thoughts for tonight (just need to de-brief myself, fuhh)

  1. Im super bz dis week, organizing event for ihya' Ramadhan (menghidupkan ramadhan), dont even have the time to go through my assignment yet, which is due next week, but as crazy as it seems, I kinda like the busy-ness of it all, and I think Im gonna miss it (though of course theres times when I wish I can just scream out of the pressure and then go to sleep). Having things to keep me occupied in a way protects me from doing lagho (unnecessary) things that doesnt benefit me (which btw includes, going through random blogs, watching trailers, looking at old albums for the 100th time just for the sake of having something to do apart from doing the assignments, etc2.)
  2. I totally suck as a leader. I cant seem to make my own decision (always afraid to make one, afraid that it would be disaster). I cant think outside the box. I delegate tasks poorly. Sometimes I blame other people for my own mistake. I cant handle pressure (poor eny has to hear it all). This is of course not an exhaustive list. Just ask my team mates, they'll give u more. But it is ok. It is a challenge and I will try to learn. I will. Verily Allah has promised that He does not test us the test which we cannot cope. And thinking of that, I know I can handle this. Because Allah knows I can handle this. InsyaAllah. Berusaha Sarah!! hiyahh
  3. Working with VIP is totally nerve-wrecking (especially when the title is Dato' Dr Professor, what title do u address him with anyway?? dat was my dillema). You dont know the right way to talk about, scared that there might be words inappropriate that might offends him (I almost talked in bahasa baku, imagine that), you're even afraid to make eye contacts and when suddenly your eyes wondered away because something else caught ur attention even just for a second, you're scared shit to look back at him incase he noticed that ur mind wandered away while he was talking. But all in all, he is just a human, its not like he talks in alien language (now I know that HAHA), and you can learn a lot from their experience (yes, one of the tips to win their hearts is to let THEM conquer most of the conversation, they'll like that), and if you're lucky, you get few gems (not real gems u mata duitan!!), pointers on things that u wont learn inside the class
  4. People need to be reminded as frequent as possible, because we tend to forget. This week is the Islamic Awareness week in NZ and they held many activities and talks through out the week. The talks which is mostly at night, was quite a challenge for me, who is busy with class during the day, having a lot of planning to do for the Ihya' programme, but Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, Allah still make it easier for me to attend the talks (although it was out of guilt for Sha at first.hehe. lepas tu btolkan niat cpt2, alhamdulillah) and subhanallah, every talks I went there was always something that touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. Subhanallah. Thanks Allah for always guiding my heart through all this brothers and sisters. I wish I can be as good as them in talking and touching other people's heart (In future maybe, hehe)
  5. I can do this I can do this I can do this (psycho diri sendiri). huhu. I need to give a welcoming speech on saturday. Nerve wrecking ok with all the VIPs and what not..huhu.. but I can, I can!! bercakap je pun kan.. bukan kene berdendang dendang hahaha psycho.
  6. I LOVE ALLAH AND I MISS RASULULLAH!! huhu. after watching video "the chosen one" by Maher Zain and reading other people comments on how they are touched by the video which made them cry out of missing him so much, I cried too. This reminds me of  story told in one of the talk about one of the Prophet's sahabah. One day he cried so badly and Rasulullah asked him why. He told him that he is sad, because he would miss the prophet soo much in the day hereafter because even if he enters paradise, he would not be in the same Jannah as the Prophet so he would not be able to meet him anymore. And then Rasulullah s.a.w said "You will be with the one you love". So there- careful who you loves. If you love an idol so much, you would be with him. But where is that, heaven or hell? you decide.
Wahhh..ape mengarut panjang2 nii.. hahaha.. actually its an escapism. I need to write the welcoming text, but dont know where to start.But I will, I can! (im into positive thinking this days ;))

Happy Friday

"In the end what matters is not what you have, its what you give"

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

reminder to Self

“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, mengapa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu perbuat. Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahawa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan.” (QS 61, ayat 2-3)

Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahawa kamu mengatakan apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan

Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah ya Allah

Sunday, July 25, 2010

it's just one of those nights

it was a really longgggggggggggggggggggggggg day and I am barely able to keep my eyes open, but I know I just have to record this down

Tonight (24th July) was one of those night when we talked and we laughed and we joked like there is no tomorrow

And I am almost 100 % sure that it would be one of the nights that would be badly missed by me in the very near future.

life goes on, and will goes on, no matter u like it or not. It's just the fact that I would miss it sooo damn much that I am not looking forward to.

Would we be able to smile and laugh just as much when we are no longer together and when the days just seem longer?

Saturday, July 3, 2010

even when the world turn their backs on you, I WILL NOT

its been a while since I talk about something that is beneficial and has substance. while talking about myself and the going ons in my life sounded vain most of the times but can be very self-healing at times, it is not the same as when you talk about something that can touch people's heart and can make people think, reflect and ponder. As written in the Quran:

Siapakah yg lebih baik perkataannya drpd org yg menyeru kpd Allah, mengerjakan amal soleh dan berkata:"Sesungguhnya aku termasuk org2 yg menyerah diri (kepada Allah)" [surah Fussilat, 41:33]

Who is better in speech than he who invites men to Allah, does righteous deeds and says: "Verily, I am one of those who submits to Allah" [surah Fussilat,41:33]

Now, I am not saying I am the quite the right person to talk about Islam when I myself am aware how big the gap in my knowledge about my own deen is. But what I want to write about is just more of a sharing of what I got last monday in a sharing session by Dr. (but I called her kak) Baiyah, a sister from Australia. It touched my heart and my very soul, and who knows, if Allah is willing, it could touch those who are reading this too. So here goes:

When talking about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, there can be no doubt that lots of people are aware who are the oppressed and who are the oppressor. No matter what the Israeli government says to justify their actions, it is OBVIOUS that they are in the wrong. It is also obvious however, that the notion of what the world sees as wrong or right plays no significant importance for the Jews in implementing the law as they want.

How many more children has to die? Can we really depend on others to solve the conflict? Is there ever a way out?

They kill people as they wish, overlooking the fact that the palestinian are also humans who deserve the same right as they are, pushing aside the thought of what it would be like if it is their own mother, their own babies, their own families that are being shot by random bullets, but guess what? NOBODY can stops them from doing what they want. Absoulutely NOBODY. People can condemn them all they want, can curse them all day long, can do demonstration every single day every single year, can boycott products produced by them faithfully, but in the end of the day, they would only hurt a little, and we would be dissapointed a lot. Because why? Well, every single agenda in this world is set by them. Its not like they didnt know that the world is watching and following the news about the flotilla when they attack. They know, but they still do it. And now the investigation about the flotilla attack would be done by them. ha ha ha. Hello, bygkan jela, kalau rumah kita masuk pencuri, pastu kita pulak yang suruh pencuri tu jalankan siasatan sape yang yang pecah rumah. Logik ke die akan berlaku adil? 

It is a big joke and yet, that is what the world has come to. Mereka dan keluarga mereka boleh buat sesuka hati. Even kalau besok die kata, "eh, bosan la, meh serang Malaysia la pulak", nobody can stop them. And they would not even have to provide reasons for their actions. And the truth is, as pointed by kak Baie, we are already in a "checkmate" situation by the enemies, where we cannot see the way out of this hell hole. Even in Malaysia, we might think we are free, but we do not realized that we have been conquered, colonized mentally. Even when the British gave us something to call our independence day on every 31st August (why the heck do we have to ask other people's permission to give us our country back on the first place??) they left us with education system that is forever living us entrapped with the way of thinking that supports their ruling over us. Just think, we said we hate them, we are angry at the way they are treating our brothers and sisters as if they are animals, but we live their lifestyles, we implement their system socially, politically and economically, a fact that we cannot escape.

Then, what do we do?We're only small insignificant people whose voices weigh so little. Then who do we look up to when the even the so-called Muslim country leaders are tongue and hand-tied to speak out against the Israelis for the fear of being the next victim? How do we make a comeback to an era in which the Muslims rule the world? Quoting kak baiyah, (well, lebih kurangla)

"Kalau kita tgk situasi umat Islam sekarang ni, kite boleh buat conclusion yang kita memang tak boleh menang ke atas orang2 yahudi yang sedang menguasai dunia ni, melainkan dengan pertolongan kuasa yang lebih besar dari diorang, iaitu kuasa Allah". Tapi INGAT, Allah dah berfirman dalam al-quran dlm surah Ar-Ra'd ayat 11:

"Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah keadaan yang ada pada mereka sendiri"

"God does not change what (is) with a nation until they change what (is) with themselves"

Jadi, mari fikir balik, adakah Allah akan ubah nasib umat Islam yang terseksa ditindas disana sini sedangkan kita yang kononnye bebas ni hanya baca berita, ckp kesiannye kesiannye, lepas tu sambung aktiviti harian mcm biasa, tgk tv yang sbenarnye mesin propaganda yahudi macam biasa, membuang masa stalking2 orang kat facebook macam biasa, bersembang kosong cakap pasal artis macam biasa, baca majalah hiburan macam biasa, gelak2 tgk cerita komedi mcm biasa, worries about the smallest things like why does my bf hasnt text me yet mcm biasa, masyarakat sibuk dengki mendengki mcm biasa? OF COURSE NOT!

we ourselves has to prove to Allah that we are trying hard to change our situation. and it starts with us going back to the basic: Learning about our deen through Quran and Sunnah. And no, it is not enough by just reciting it every so often, when we dont even understand a thing about what is being read. Dont just recite, read the tafseer, understand the meaning, dan yang paling penting amalkan cara hidup seorang muslim! Carik peluang untuk meningkatkan ketakwaan kita dgn belajar dari orang2 yang berilmu, tak kisahla dengan ape cara sekali pun. Join usrah ke, blajar kat youtube ke, gi dgr ceramah kat masjid2 ke, bace blog2 islamic ke, byk kott.. kalau nak download movie pun kita boleh berusaha carik link takkanla nak cari redha Allah tak boleh nak berusaha kan=)

dan ingatlah macam mana Allah menangkan umat Islam yang berpegang teguh dgn agama Allah dlm perang badar. 313 orang Islam menang melawan 1000 orang kafir walaupun lebih sedikit dan senjata lebih daif dari pihak musuh. Betapa nabi berdoa dan merintih dgn Allah "Ya Allah, menangkanlah umat Islam kerana jika kami kalah, sudah tiada siapa lagi yang akan menyembah Engkau". Dan betapa Allah hantarkan malaikat untuk tolong umat Islam. 

Kesimpulannya, tidak boleh tidak, tiada cara lain, kita kena kembali kepada Islam. KENA. MESTI. WAJIB. Kalau kita peka masalah saudara kita, terasa, tersedih, terluka, maka mari berusaha menjadi mengubah diri sendiri menjadi umat Islam yang lebih baik dan menggunakan neraca Islam dalam membuat apa sahaja pertimbangan.

Because, at the end of the day, ONLY cara hidup yang berlandaskan Islam SAHAJA yang Allah redha.


Monday, June 21, 2010

pom pom girl to myself

saye susah hati
gundah gulana
takut. bimbang.

dgn tugasan yang telah dipertanggungjawabkan

tapi saye kne kuat
sbb org Islam kene kuat dan berjiwa besar
kene. harus. mesti
ni baru sikit Allah uji, belum suruh berperang di Palestin lagi

you can Sarah, you can!! go go go!!

ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan kami, berkatilah..
ameen ya rabbal alamin

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

hari sarah rajen

the going ons in my life so far:

my birthday:

(ye ma, sarah tau sarah da tembam. ye ye tauuu)

oh my God, look at the number, 23rd you know, 23rd!! and datss not a young number.. huhu.. nobody would ever classify me as a teenager, ever again! haha. ok just kidding. I should be thankful dat I've made it to 23, and  I am happy I have survived my teenage hood (ade ke perkataan ni pun?). Looking back, I've realized how blessed I am to be where I am today. Although there cant always be laughter, although sometimes I feel like everything is stacked on my shoulder, although there's times when I cant help it but ask questions, although there's time (lotssss of it im sure) i just feel like screaming my heads off because of the pressure, I am glad that I have precious family and friends that I can always, always rely on. Alhamdulillah.Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. 
Yes, birthday is the day when you can see who is genuinely happy and glad that you were born. More pictures:

(the day I get to claim that Im a princess without anybody making faces.haha. poor you guys)

(one of the many reason that I will love you guys, forever: when we're together we're not afraid to make a fool of ourselves and can still laugh about it)

(notice: a collection of my vain pictures? dats from eny! I've already pasted it on the wall, and its the first thing I saw when I enter the room. Hoho. Kadang2 naik meluat juga tgk muke diri sendiri. but i love it nevertheless. lain2: chocolate bouquet from mama, hamper in the box from ayah, billabong purse by sha, billabong handbag by eny, card from housemate, revolving photo frame from ain and nida. watever it is, its the thought that matters! takde hadiah pun taper ^_^)

my progress in cooking:

jeng jeng jengggg... mempersembahkannnn

my first ever ayam masak merah:

my first ever lasagna:

(looks yummy it tasted even better! (kasila cann nak perasan.hahaha))

Both are my favourite dishes so you should understand how proud I am to be able to cook all this all by myself (ok tipu. I did get help with the lasagna.haha.). mamaaaaa, anak mama ni da boleh kawen daaa.. hahahahahah. i wonder why I thought cooking was difficult. all you have to do is googled the recepi, just follow it step by step, alter it here and there and heyyy presto, there's a dish you can eat. i guess its really up to whether you want to try, or not. And there's always first step to everything, no matter how hard it seems. Takde orang yang lahir2 da terus pandai kann? =))

anddd last picture:

what I am up to tonight:

Yes. I am in the process of healing myself. Haha

Love all of you (whoever reading this) because of Allah

cik sar

dari mana nk kemana

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