I is sad

            I am a transparent person. Very. People who know me know very well about that. It is very obvious when i am happy, when I am angry, when I am sad, when I am miserable. Even if I try, I'd do a very miserable job concealing my emotions.

            Being the way that I am, has its own advantages and disadvantages. Advantages: (tapping my hand and thinking hard. ok rupanya takde HAHA). Disadvantages: I got into a lot of unnecessary conflict with other people, especially the ones I am close with. The reason being is because when I am upset, I usually let it be known that I am upset, through both actions and words. Example: I dont like the way how my friend is being snappish at me over no reason just because she feels like being moody. Instead of being patient and give her some space and let it go, I am the kind who would not be able to take that kind of attitude therefore I would tell that straight to her face. And of course, I am not helping the situation at all with her already being moody at the first place. So usually we ended up being in a stupid cold war, which in actuality, can easily be avoided if I'd just be the bigger women and let it go. 

          Ive been in that situation for countless times. And I ended up regretting it many times too.  You know, sometimes, even when you know you're right, some battles are not worth starting. Especially when you are being sad over something your loved ones are doing. Why create the unnecessary conflict of hurting others just because you were hurt at the first place? You are hurt, yes, but does it make you feel better when your loved ones are hurt too, because of you? 

         Life is not always about getting a fair treatment. Especially in regards to love. You dont go loving someone expecting they love you as much as you love them. You might feel you're in heaven when that is the case, but when it is not, it is sad, yes, but it should be fulfilling too, in its own right. Therefore, in the case when you are hurting, true love is when you would hide your pain so that they can smile when they look at you, thinking you're fine and happy too. That is sincere and real love.

        If there is anyone reading this, you might feel i am all over the place and not making any sense. This is me deeply reflecting on my behaviour and realising how immature I was today. Reflecting to my conversation with my mom:

Mama: Sarah ni selfish. Sebab tu kena kawen

Me     : Taknak. selfish la tak boleh kawen

Immature gila kan? hoho. Sebab tu tak boleh kahwin.