Sometimes it comes back to you

Just when you thought you are all okay and getting better
That feeling comes back and hit you in the gut like nothing else
You wish to run away
But you cant
You wish to be the bigger person and choose to be happy even when that happiness is about others
But youre stuck in your own pit you cant look at others but your pain

And when you cant really share it to anyone
Because you've somehow lost people who can understand
Who can relate
You're stuck even more

But that is the best time where you weep to The One
Who would understand
Who is the only one who can elevate the pain
Who will stay
Who wont run away
Who ultimately has the key to the doors of solutions

I wish i could just disappear
Into thin air
Without a trace
Without a shadow
So i wont feel the pain anymore

But i know
The pain, like anything else that comes from The One
Is meant to be there for a reason
And even when i dont understand the reason
I understand His love and His mercy
He is not doing it to torture me
He is doing it to teach
To bring out a better stronger me
Even when at times (many) i feel like im breaking into pieces

I have faith in Your plan for me
And even when im sad, knowing that you will not burden me more than I could bear is a consolation enough
For me to be patient, to stay resilient

Because you know
You'll always know me better than anyone else
Because you're closer to me than my jugular vein