Saturday, September 28, 2013

lily on ur grave

what is this feeling
i guess i finally got what i wished for
feeling-less.
whatever he is doing.-yes, please do. i have stopped caring.
i have to, i need to, stop caring
that is the only way for me to cope, to survive, to protect myself from hurting

i dont know a lot of stuff. but i know this:
happiness that you gain through someone else's pain and tears wouldnt and cant last.
what goes around comes around
what goes around comes around

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

red

yesterday she was abnormally happy
happy teasing her housemates
happy using phone application that could actually make u see how you would look like after make up
happy laughing at her friend's ridiculously ugly picture of what could be her future son/daughter picture after using the apps that could combine you and your spouse's face

in all that giddiness and happiness she did wonder to herself why is she this happy, surely there is no catch to this? she silently hoped.

She hoped. but luck is not on her side.

so it's true then, what her mother has always told her. Don't laugh too much, or you will cry later. Well at least, in her case.

there is nothing that yesterday's simple carefree moment can prepare for what she had to face today.

it's not like she didnt know that there is high possibility that her worst experience would repeat itself again. it's not like she did not try to harden her heart to prepare for that possibility, so that she wont feel as much hurt and pain again. but she cant help but stupidly hope. hope that there is some sense in that person to think about other's people feeling for once instead of his own gratification.

that past scar, might become fainter now, but it is still not fully healed. but no, that person dont think that pain is hurtful enough. that he had to cut, slash, slit, crush, it again and again.

she wishes she can choose to be heart-less. so she will stop hurting. or at least she can turn her heart into a stone, and stop feeling anything ever again.

she wishes for many things.

 but wishes dont seem to be too fond of her.



Saturday, September 14, 2013

i miss king's confectionery

it's amazing u know,

how we could actually change.

how there are matters that used to bother you so much you dont want to even think/consider about it
suddenly you find yourself surviving that and doing okay

i guess sometimes we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for


p/s- missing my bestfriends=(

dari mana nk kemana

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