this is wrong

Hey old friend

These few days I kept thinking of you
About how nobody can replace the kind of special friend you are to me

The fact that we can straight away pick up a conversation where we left off no matter how big the time gap was, no matter how different our lives are from each other

The fact how you know what I am really like but can still accept me

The fact how you never gave up on me no matter how mean I was to u. "Never Gave up". Yes. It is in the past tense because finally u did. N I dont blame you.

U know,  im just not the kind of person who regret over things. Things happen because they are destined to happen that way, I truly believed that. N its always for the better insyaAllah.

I dont regret but that doesnt stop me from wondering about the what ifs, or what it could have been. Which is useless, I know. I am struggling to stop thinking this way. struggling to stop wishing I could have one more conversation with you.

I hope you won't read this. Maybe u wont. Afterall why would you be here when you are happy there?

Thank you for the memories.  At least I would always have them.


Or is it actually better if we had never known each other?

why do I have to keep writing about u

I hate this feeling of uneasiness
I feel as if im living on the edge, if I even only make one small move, I might come tumbling down
I feel as if im trying to walk on a road full with broken glasses, shoeless, I might accidentally step on the glass any moment now
What I am saying is, no matter how calm the current situation is,I cant seem to be convince that I have received my happy ending
Not when u are acting especially weird

That is the case of an offender u know
People find it hard to trust you
Especially when you dont seem to work hard to vanquish people's suspicion that you have stopped commiting the offense
I hate you doing this to her
I hate you cant seem to stop hurting her
When she deserves so so so much better
Thanks to u I cant even look at ild photo albums n be happy for the memories
No. I am hurt for the "have been"s.

Still, I am assured. No matter how much u might get away with this now, you wont get away with this hereafter. Allah is seeing this, nothing would be amiss.

You might be able to get away now, but remember, Allah is the best Judge, where no one who have ever experienced injustice would be left unhappy