this is wrong

Hey old friend

These few days I kept thinking of you
About how nobody can replace the kind of special friend you are to me

The fact that we can straight away pick up a conversation where we left off no matter how big the time gap was, no matter how different our lives are from each other

The fact how you know what I am really like but can still accept me

The fact how you never gave up on me no matter how mean I was to u. "Never Gave up". Yes. It is in the past tense because finally u did. N I dont blame you.

U know,  im just not the kind of person who regret over things. Things happen because they are destined to happen that way, I truly believed that. N its always for the better insyaAllah.

I dont regret but that doesnt stop me from wondering about the what ifs, or what it could have been. Which is useless, I know. I am struggling to stop thinking this way. struggling to stop wishing I could have one more conversation with you.

I hope you won't read this. Maybe u wont. Afterall why would you be here when you are happy there?

Thank you for the memories.  At least I would always have them.


Or is it actually better if we had never known each other?

why do I have to keep writing about u

I hate this feeling of uneasiness
I feel as if im living on the edge, if I even only make one small move, I might come tumbling down
I feel as if im trying to walk on a road full with broken glasses, shoeless, I might accidentally step on the glass any moment now
What I am saying is, no matter how calm the current situation is,I cant seem to be convince that I have received my happy ending
Not when u are acting especially weird

That is the case of an offender u know
People find it hard to trust you
Especially when you dont seem to work hard to vanquish people's suspicion that you have stopped commiting the offense
I hate you doing this to her
I hate you cant seem to stop hurting her
When she deserves so so so much better
Thanks to u I cant even look at ild photo albums n be happy for the memories
No. I am hurt for the "have been"s.

Still, I am assured. No matter how much u might get away with this now, you wont get away with this hereafter. Allah is seeing this, nothing would be amiss.

You might be able to get away now, but remember, Allah is the best Judge, where no one who have ever experienced injustice would be left unhappy

an ode to you, A.R.Y

Sebenarnya, kita hidup untuk apa? Apa lagi yang kita kejar? Sampai bila? Ketahuilah, kalau betul agama kita pegang, kita akan jelas yang kita hidup ini bukan utk selamanya, tp utk akhirat di sana. Kalau kita jelas itu, nescaya kita tidak akan terhegeh hegeh mengejar nikmat dunia yang belum tentu menjamin kebahagiaan utk disana

Umur kita semakin hari semakin pendek, masa kita semakin suntuk. Sudah cukup kah amal kita utk dibawa ke dunia yg selamanya utk kita bersenang lenang, lalai mengejar nikmat dunia.

Sudah cukupkah amal kita utk menjanjikan mendapat kebahagiaan di sana untuk kita tidak kisah berbuat dosa kiri dan kanan?

Kita bukan hidup utk selamanya
Apa apa pilihan yang kita buat kini, fikir dalam dalam, adakah akan membawa keuntungan disana

Jgn ikut nafsu.  Ingat, masa kita semakin pendek, kita bkn hidup selamanya


-nukilan from someonewhodoesntmeananythingtoyou

I want to live in oblivion

One of these days, I might just die out of a heartbreak

Even if I cry until blood comes out instead of tears
You still wont care would you?

Even if I kneel to beg until my knees make a hole in the ground
It still wont mean anything to you, right?

Even if I call you all kind of names
It still wont budge you from stop hurting us will you?

What have I done so bad to deserve this
What have you done so right to get away with this again?

You're too old to be selfish
If only u realise that
I H U

being mature does not equal to being an adult

Truth to be told, I have always wanted my life to be like in a movie

And I kind of got what I wish for
But its not the kind of genre that I would have preferred- romantic, comedy, adventure
No. Far from that- it is sad, melancholic and tragic all the way
Every possible scene u have watched in a sad movie, some of it might resemble my life
Sometimes it's up to the point of absurdity, even I cannot believe I am really living this kind of life. Sometimes I kind of feel acting in a cerekarama waiting for the director to yell "cut!". If only it is that easy. But no, this is not some kind of movie,  this is my life we are talking about.

I have always hate sad movie, even more so if its a sad ending. But I read someone's status today quoting John Lennon - " Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end"

I so want to believe this. Can I believe this? Cuz at the rate I am going right now, i am really hating this part of my life right now. I cant totally wait for the sad part to finally ends and for the happy part to finally starts.

Can I? Do I deserve a happy ending after all?

lily on ur grave

what is this feeling
i guess i finally got what i wished for
feeling-less.
whatever he is doing.-yes, please do. i have stopped caring.
i have to, i need to, stop caring
that is the only way for me to cope, to survive, to protect myself from hurting

i dont know a lot of stuff. but i know this:
happiness that you gain through someone else's pain and tears wouldnt and cant last.
what goes around comes around
what goes around comes around

red

yesterday she was abnormally happy
happy teasing her housemates
happy using phone application that could actually make u see how you would look like after make up
happy laughing at her friend's ridiculously ugly picture of what could be her future son/daughter picture after using the apps that could combine you and your spouse's face

in all that giddiness and happiness she did wonder to herself why is she this happy, surely there is no catch to this? she silently hoped.

She hoped. but luck is not on her side.

so it's true then, what her mother has always told her. Don't laugh too much, or you will cry later. Well at least, in her case.

there is nothing that yesterday's simple carefree moment can prepare for what she had to face today.

it's not like she didnt know that there is high possibility that her worst experience would repeat itself again. it's not like she did not try to harden her heart to prepare for that possibility, so that she wont feel as much hurt and pain again. but she cant help but stupidly hope. hope that there is some sense in that person to think about other's people feeling for once instead of his own gratification.

that past scar, might become fainter now, but it is still not fully healed. but no, that person dont think that pain is hurtful enough. that he had to cut, slash, slit, crush, it again and again.

she wishes she can choose to be heart-less. so she will stop hurting. or at least she can turn her heart into a stone, and stop feeling anything ever again.

she wishes for many things.

 but wishes dont seem to be too fond of her.