hiduplah mencari makna

mcm biasa. saye menulis sbg escapism dari melakukan keje yg sepatutnye.
just finished my dinner. i cook today (yeay!walaupun masak ape je la sgt kan). patutnye solat isyak and terus berperang dgn buku, but not just yet.
today i cried for a stranger. a stranger in the sense dat i have never meet and talked to him, but not a stranger in the sense that we are brothers and sisters in Islam.

arni ntah camne saye terbukak blog anas b. mat asis http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=86577657767&h=hB5An&u=IIAOB&ref=mf, an acquaintance from zmn2 kms dulu. die citer la pasal ade sahabat die di mesir yg sedang kritikal sbb accident and suruh para pembace doakan. mase tu da tersentuh da ble die tulis

“Ya Allah kau selamatkanlah Aman n Eckem,

amatlah rugi kehilangan mereka bagi DAKWAH ini

sesungguhnya hati2 ini telah redha dengan jalan Mu ”

tapi lepas tym tgh mkn kat dapo ngan eny die tanye la 'wey, ko tau ak pasal student malaysia yang meninggal kat mesir?'. innalillahwainnaillahirojiunn. rupe2nye salah seorg dari student yg terlibat dlm accident tu meninggal, amar namenye. diorg accident lepas baru balik dari menguruskan salah satu program usrah. subhanallah.. ade dlm satu blog tu yg tribute utk amar tu siap tulis 'Ammar,anta menyusahkan sahabat kemudian'. sbb ape? sbb die da set satu benchmark yang tinggi utk dicontohi kwn2 die yang lain. Die meninggal semasa dlm perjalanan utk menguruskan program yang membawa org lain lebih dekat kpd Allah dan juga utk eratkan siratulrahim jadi insyaAllah die mati sbg seorg syahid. Bak kata penulis blog itu:

"Perginya Ammar dengan cara macam itu telah menyusahkan sahabat dia yang terkemudian. Ammar telah tinggal benchmark yang tinggi buat kita. Jika kita mahu pergi,paling minimum dengan cara seperti Ammar. Pergi dalam keadaan untuk mengentarkan hati manusia dengan kalimah Allah,pergi dalam keadaan menegakkan risalah dan seruan Islam,"

ya Allah, btape cemburunya saya dgn Ammar. die bercita cita mati syahid, dan insyaAllah, itu yang die dpt. how about me? bercita cita juga, tapi tanpa usaha yg setimpal. apekah?? ble bace blog org lain yg bersungguh sungguh menyebarkan dakyah Islam rase malu pule dgn blog sendiri yang pentingkan masalah2 remeh temeh. masalah assignment dan exam yang mmg merupakan tanggungjwb saya. tertampar sekejap ble dkt salah satu pos Anas tu die menulis:

IF THEY KNEW WE SKIPPED LECTURES
THIS IS WHAT THEY WOULD SAY…..
FROM A PALESTINIAN CHILD:

“SHAME ON YOU for not going to LECTURE!!
when i had to go through guns and checkpoints just to come to school.

” KAMI TAKKAN REDHA DENGAN KEMALASAN & KELALAIAN KAMU..!!! ”

insaf sgt. rase kelakar pulak bercita cita nak mati syahid ble tanggungjwab kecil ni pun masih duk berkeluh kesah. something got to change sarah. senang lenang yang pasti dan kekal hanyelah di syurga. huk, berusaha!!

ya Allah..scary la jugak..tp tiada yg mustahil bagiMu ya Allah

okay. I secretly have this theory. whenever i felt like really eating something, kirenye cam teringin la kan, somehow, miraculously, not long after that, i'll get the chance to eat the food. contohnye, tym kat skola asrama dulu, skali tu teringin gle la nak makan roti telur. tgk2 esoknye pakcik kantin tu ade plak jual.tak pnah2 ok. ok, ni maybe kebetulan, but thats not all.

pastu tym kat new zealand plak. aritu teringin gle nak makan piza. ni bukan cam kat malaysia, teringin je bleh gi bli kat piza hut. kat sini susah sket sbb kdai piza ade jual ngan bacon skali. tetibe tak lame pastu housemate saye yg laki bleh plak tetibe buat piza, dptlaa merasa kan. pastu tahun ni plak, aritu teringin nak mkn pancake. tak lame pastu housemate bleh plak bwk balik pancake (tak ingat dari mane ntah).

ok.maybe di atas ni org bleh kate kebetulan je(tp sebenarnye dlm islam there's no such thing as kebetulan, semuanye dah ditakdirkan Allah kan) tapi mlm ni sangat rase scary apabila buah manggis yang diingin inginkan tadi tetibe bleh plak housemate saye Ore ade simpan dlm bilik die. die kate baru bli ptg tadi kat new world. manggis ok. in new zealand.
wats the odds??

kesimpulannye disini, saye rase la, Allah sgtla mendengar doa saye bab2 saye teringin makanan ni.cpt je dapat.huuu, sgt terharu, meremang skejap tadi.. thank u Allah thank u Alhamdulillah.

haha. tapi saye ade satu lg yg teringin yg kira hampir mustahil gak nak dpt ni new zealand ni. pengat durian. mkn ngan roti. fuh, bestnye. haha.. we'll see..

teringin buah manggis

i know, i understand, and i have learnt that all good things, as bad things are, will finally come to an end, but still, its kinda sad.. my vacation has come to an end.wuuu (but i think the main reason I am sad is because there will be a big exam coming up, and I, as always, never fail to hate exams with conviction) it was refreshing meeting up with my sisters and parents. sedey la.. my mum said they might be going to haji dis year and this is the only chance I can meet them before they went there. huu.. pls come back!!!

anyhow, dis is among my fav pictures:








































































there are many events dat happen during the vacation. but one of the most striking event is when I see my mum being scolded in front of me, which I will very much remember until the day I die. for those who have never experience the events of your own mother being scolded at, pls pray that u wont. its very2 hurtful, trust me.

citer die camnih,tym tu we were at the christchurch airport tgh nak tunggu boarding utk flight ke welly. and my sista, wani bought a potato chips so kitorg pun duk ar makan2 kat krusi. pastu blakang krusi ni adela sorg minah kiwi ni (i assume la minah kiwi, x taula kalau die australian ke ape) dgn 2 anak die.sorg baby (die dukung), sorg toddler umur cam 2-3 tahun camtu. so tym adik2 dan mak sdg mengunyah nguyah chips itu (saye bkn penggemar potato chips, saye suke super ring yg berperisa keju itu), bdk tu tgk jee la, so agaknye sbb my mum kesian die kasi la sket kat budak tu. pastu mak budak tu pusing pandang kitorg (tym ni die tak sdar lg anak die tgh makan) so my mum tanye la 'u dont mind right if i gave ur kid some?' die menjwab dgn blagaknye 'no, no, thanks'

mak saye pun gelabahla sbb die da pun terkasi. agaknye sbb perasan riak muke mak saye itu minah itu pun terusla pandang kat anak die yg tgh sedap menguyah, pastu cpt2 suruh anak die kuarkan pastu dgn rudenye campak kat kitorg. mak saye pun ckp la 'sorry,sorry'. ingat kan dah habis disitu la. skali minah tu pusing lagi kat mak saye seraya berkata dgn muke bengangnye ' u really shudden give food to someone else's kids without asking the parents first. they might have allergics. I really didnt appreciate u giving my kid the food' camtula lebih kurang dgn muke yang haish, muke tak puas hati gler.

my mum pun dgn muke yg cam da malu ckpla 'im sorry.. im sorry...' ok, tym tu rasenye kalau letak telor atas my face boleh masak kut sbb merah yang teramat sgt tahan geram dan kesian kat mak sendiri. I admit that she had the point about the possibility that the kids might have allergics but we really meant well so cudden she said it in a more pleasant and nicer way? ala, kalau kat malaysia kan, biase jek kite kasi bdk kecik terliur yg tgh tgk kite mkn,takde pun mati (setakat ni blom lagi la aku kasi anak org tu mati)

and I cant help but feeling that mat saleh tu cam pandang org asia ni cam miskin la, so bwk2 penyakit tetibe nak kasi anak die makan plak kan (ye,saye mmg oversensitive in this way but this is my blog so lantakla saye nak ckp ape kan), hish, padahal ko tu tak basuh berak. hahaha. ha, bengang ni.. saye mmg overprotective kalau bab2 mak saye. so dont test me. entahla, try placing urself in my shoes. org tak sengaja kan, tak yah la nak hentam camtu skali. and like I said, we really meant well.

anyway, byk je lagi insiden2 yg membuatkan diri rase mcm nak bercerita but i think some of them are too personal and too controversial to share so takpela..

back to the present time. tadi dpt result test dan esaimen utk LING and ALIN.
test teruk, as expected, but saye bersyukur sbb at least tak fail, alhamdulillah
utk ALIN pun saye bersyukur cause' I got more than I deserved and expected, thank u Allah for ever being so kind to me

skang ni da only thing that is between me and my real holiday is the looming ALIN exam.
tak start blaja pun lg. dont kno where to start. Ya Allah, permudahkan urusan ku dan kawan2 ku..aminn... go sarah gooo

huuu..where to start where to start