hari yang tidak berapa nak best

hari ni tetibe dpt email pasal placement utk teaching experience. ok. sgt jauh tempat yang aku kne mengajar. da la sengsorang. huu. sbenarnye ble tgk alamat skolah tu di lower hutt, aku x berperasaan pun sbb aku tak bleh byg pun kat mane sbenarnye lower hutt itu (ye, my sense of direction is terrible. kalau ade award kpd org yang paling blur pasal jalan ni aku mmg boleh menang).

'jauh tu', kata eny. slps merisik kawan2 lain punye teaching placement jugak, jelaslah bahawa aku dpt skola yang paling jauh. dan googling tempat tu di internet tidak membantu meredhakan keresahan dan susah hatiku. sbb tak phm. dan complicated. dan sgt sgt jauh dari bandar wellington. buat aku lg sgt cemas. pukul brape nak bangun. kne naik kereta api ke ape. kalau sesat sorg2 mcm mane. kalau kne buli dgn students camne. nak solat kat mane. ni pergi bulan puase, sempat ke tak nak berbuka kat umah. dan mcm2 lagi soalan yang menyesakkan otak aku yang tak berapa nak berfungsi di pagi hari (hah, pagi ke??mcm da tgh hari je kau bgn sarah).

air mata pun bergenang. dpt pule msg dari sha yang tersalah antar tapi berckp pasal aku (haha, sha, slalu sgt tersilap antar kan). tak tau la patutnye antar kat sape. msg simpati tapi buat aku rase bengang. emo sorg2 rase bengang sbb rase org mcm pandang rendah kebolehan aku utk survive sorg2. reply balik dgn emonye. dan hampir mencetuskan pergaduhan antara kitorg. sorry sha, kite kebudak budakan tadi. terima kasih sbb tak balas api dgn api. kite yang emo hari ni. mungkin sbb gelabah dpt skola yang jauh dan tak tau camne nak pergi. mungkin juge sbb Allah mentakdirkan hari ni utk kite berasa tidak sihat. serabut. ble dgr ade sahabat yang da terkena swine flue, kite pun mule risau yang bukan2 (harapnye bukan2 lah)

tapi ble bace balik email yang dpt lepas tu aku lega sket lah, sbb insyaAllah akan diberi briefing camne nak ke skola2 itu. and ble da petang tu aku da boleh berfikir dgn rational and positive sket. chill la sarah, ni la masenye nak berdikari and tunjukkan kat kwn2 kau kau boleh survive sendiri.

hari ni blog aku bernada lain sket kan. mungkin sbb baru lepas tgk cerita Kami the movie. haha. senangnye aku terpengaruh. haip2.

oh, and pasal cerita Kami ni. agak menarik sbb die sempoi je, pelakon die tak nmpk cam blakon, tak macam cerita2 yang trying-too-hard spt cerita2 melayu kebanyakannya. mmg menarik kalau kite tgk from the surface level. yang kurangnya ialah cerita ni cam takde msg yg baik. ok, maybe die nak paparkan kisah persahabatan, and then wat else? die portray cara hidup remaja zmn skang yang sneek out malam2 sbb nak gi tgk gig, yang amik dadah ble tension, yang sanggup jual dadah sbb nk duit (does it make it better if u just sell tapi tak mkn dadah tu? NO). takde langsung scene yang tunjuk budak2 ni solat. nape ye? adekah nmpk kurang moden ble bersolat? citer ni cam nak suggest cam cool la budak2 yg gi gig ni. pompuan islam pakai baju seksi sket tu biasela. ala, remaja kann. so much for 'negara islam'. we must watch out wat we are allowing our media to portray and promote. melayu skarang ni cam da makin hilang identity. and they are proud of it. i guess its up to us yang phm pasal issue agama dan identity melayu to make a change. it might be a slow process, but its not impossible, insyaAllah.

oh. daku da melalut lalut
sakit, cptla sembuh ye, aku nak tgk transformer (terima kasih sang kwn yang baik hati kasi tiket free, hehe). Ya Allah, tabahkanlah aku menempuh ujian Mu ini tanpa byk merengus.

xoxo
sayelah

hiduplah mencari makna

mcm biasa. saye menulis sbg escapism dari melakukan keje yg sepatutnye.
just finished my dinner. i cook today (yeay!walaupun masak ape je la sgt kan). patutnye solat isyak and terus berperang dgn buku, but not just yet.
today i cried for a stranger. a stranger in the sense dat i have never meet and talked to him, but not a stranger in the sense that we are brothers and sisters in Islam.

arni ntah camne saye terbukak blog anas b. mat asis http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=86577657767&h=hB5An&u=IIAOB&ref=mf, an acquaintance from zmn2 kms dulu. die citer la pasal ade sahabat die di mesir yg sedang kritikal sbb accident and suruh para pembace doakan. mase tu da tersentuh da ble die tulis

“Ya Allah kau selamatkanlah Aman n Eckem,

amatlah rugi kehilangan mereka bagi DAKWAH ini

sesungguhnya hati2 ini telah redha dengan jalan Mu ”

tapi lepas tym tgh mkn kat dapo ngan eny die tanye la 'wey, ko tau ak pasal student malaysia yang meninggal kat mesir?'. innalillahwainnaillahirojiunn. rupe2nye salah seorg dari student yg terlibat dlm accident tu meninggal, amar namenye. diorg accident lepas baru balik dari menguruskan salah satu program usrah. subhanallah.. ade dlm satu blog tu yg tribute utk amar tu siap tulis 'Ammar,anta menyusahkan sahabat kemudian'. sbb ape? sbb die da set satu benchmark yang tinggi utk dicontohi kwn2 die yang lain. Die meninggal semasa dlm perjalanan utk menguruskan program yang membawa org lain lebih dekat kpd Allah dan juga utk eratkan siratulrahim jadi insyaAllah die mati sbg seorg syahid. Bak kata penulis blog itu:

"Perginya Ammar dengan cara macam itu telah menyusahkan sahabat dia yang terkemudian. Ammar telah tinggal benchmark yang tinggi buat kita. Jika kita mahu pergi,paling minimum dengan cara seperti Ammar. Pergi dalam keadaan untuk mengentarkan hati manusia dengan kalimah Allah,pergi dalam keadaan menegakkan risalah dan seruan Islam,"

ya Allah, btape cemburunya saya dgn Ammar. die bercita cita mati syahid, dan insyaAllah, itu yang die dpt. how about me? bercita cita juga, tapi tanpa usaha yg setimpal. apekah?? ble bace blog org lain yg bersungguh sungguh menyebarkan dakyah Islam rase malu pule dgn blog sendiri yang pentingkan masalah2 remeh temeh. masalah assignment dan exam yang mmg merupakan tanggungjwb saya. tertampar sekejap ble dkt salah satu pos Anas tu die menulis:

IF THEY KNEW WE SKIPPED LECTURES
THIS IS WHAT THEY WOULD SAY…..
FROM A PALESTINIAN CHILD:

“SHAME ON YOU for not going to LECTURE!!
when i had to go through guns and checkpoints just to come to school.

” KAMI TAKKAN REDHA DENGAN KEMALASAN & KELALAIAN KAMU..!!! ”

insaf sgt. rase kelakar pulak bercita cita nak mati syahid ble tanggungjwab kecil ni pun masih duk berkeluh kesah. something got to change sarah. senang lenang yang pasti dan kekal hanyelah di syurga. huk, berusaha!!

ya Allah..scary la jugak..tp tiada yg mustahil bagiMu ya Allah

okay. I secretly have this theory. whenever i felt like really eating something, kirenye cam teringin la kan, somehow, miraculously, not long after that, i'll get the chance to eat the food. contohnye, tym kat skola asrama dulu, skali tu teringin gle la nak makan roti telur. tgk2 esoknye pakcik kantin tu ade plak jual.tak pnah2 ok. ok, ni maybe kebetulan, but thats not all.

pastu tym kat new zealand plak. aritu teringin gle nak makan piza. ni bukan cam kat malaysia, teringin je bleh gi bli kat piza hut. kat sini susah sket sbb kdai piza ade jual ngan bacon skali. tetibe tak lame pastu housemate saye yg laki bleh plak tetibe buat piza, dptlaa merasa kan. pastu tahun ni plak, aritu teringin nak mkn pancake. tak lame pastu housemate bleh plak bwk balik pancake (tak ingat dari mane ntah).

ok.maybe di atas ni org bleh kate kebetulan je(tp sebenarnye dlm islam there's no such thing as kebetulan, semuanye dah ditakdirkan Allah kan) tapi mlm ni sangat rase scary apabila buah manggis yang diingin inginkan tadi tetibe bleh plak housemate saye Ore ade simpan dlm bilik die. die kate baru bli ptg tadi kat new world. manggis ok. in new zealand.
wats the odds??

kesimpulannye disini, saye rase la, Allah sgtla mendengar doa saye bab2 saye teringin makanan ni.cpt je dapat.huuu, sgt terharu, meremang skejap tadi.. thank u Allah thank u Alhamdulillah.

haha. tapi saye ade satu lg yg teringin yg kira hampir mustahil gak nak dpt ni new zealand ni. pengat durian. mkn ngan roti. fuh, bestnye. haha.. we'll see..

teringin buah manggis

i know, i understand, and i have learnt that all good things, as bad things are, will finally come to an end, but still, its kinda sad.. my vacation has come to an end.wuuu (but i think the main reason I am sad is because there will be a big exam coming up, and I, as always, never fail to hate exams with conviction) it was refreshing meeting up with my sisters and parents. sedey la.. my mum said they might be going to haji dis year and this is the only chance I can meet them before they went there. huu.. pls come back!!!

anyhow, dis is among my fav pictures:








































































there are many events dat happen during the vacation. but one of the most striking event is when I see my mum being scolded in front of me, which I will very much remember until the day I die. for those who have never experience the events of your own mother being scolded at, pls pray that u wont. its very2 hurtful, trust me.

citer die camnih,tym tu we were at the christchurch airport tgh nak tunggu boarding utk flight ke welly. and my sista, wani bought a potato chips so kitorg pun duk ar makan2 kat krusi. pastu blakang krusi ni adela sorg minah kiwi ni (i assume la minah kiwi, x taula kalau die australian ke ape) dgn 2 anak die.sorg baby (die dukung), sorg toddler umur cam 2-3 tahun camtu. so tym adik2 dan mak sdg mengunyah nguyah chips itu (saye bkn penggemar potato chips, saye suke super ring yg berperisa keju itu), bdk tu tgk jee la, so agaknye sbb my mum kesian die kasi la sket kat budak tu. pastu mak budak tu pusing pandang kitorg (tym ni die tak sdar lg anak die tgh makan) so my mum tanye la 'u dont mind right if i gave ur kid some?' die menjwab dgn blagaknye 'no, no, thanks'

mak saye pun gelabahla sbb die da pun terkasi. agaknye sbb perasan riak muke mak saye itu minah itu pun terusla pandang kat anak die yg tgh sedap menguyah, pastu cpt2 suruh anak die kuarkan pastu dgn rudenye campak kat kitorg. mak saye pun ckp la 'sorry,sorry'. ingat kan dah habis disitu la. skali minah tu pusing lagi kat mak saye seraya berkata dgn muke bengangnye ' u really shudden give food to someone else's kids without asking the parents first. they might have allergics. I really didnt appreciate u giving my kid the food' camtula lebih kurang dgn muke yang haish, muke tak puas hati gler.

my mum pun dgn muke yg cam da malu ckpla 'im sorry.. im sorry...' ok, tym tu rasenye kalau letak telor atas my face boleh masak kut sbb merah yang teramat sgt tahan geram dan kesian kat mak sendiri. I admit that she had the point about the possibility that the kids might have allergics but we really meant well so cudden she said it in a more pleasant and nicer way? ala, kalau kat malaysia kan, biase jek kite kasi bdk kecik terliur yg tgh tgk kite mkn,takde pun mati (setakat ni blom lagi la aku kasi anak org tu mati)

and I cant help but feeling that mat saleh tu cam pandang org asia ni cam miskin la, so bwk2 penyakit tetibe nak kasi anak die makan plak kan (ye,saye mmg oversensitive in this way but this is my blog so lantakla saye nak ckp ape kan), hish, padahal ko tu tak basuh berak. hahaha. ha, bengang ni.. saye mmg overprotective kalau bab2 mak saye. so dont test me. entahla, try placing urself in my shoes. org tak sengaja kan, tak yah la nak hentam camtu skali. and like I said, we really meant well.

anyway, byk je lagi insiden2 yg membuatkan diri rase mcm nak bercerita but i think some of them are too personal and too controversial to share so takpela..

back to the present time. tadi dpt result test dan esaimen utk LING and ALIN.
test teruk, as expected, but saye bersyukur sbb at least tak fail, alhamdulillah
utk ALIN pun saye bersyukur cause' I got more than I deserved and expected, thank u Allah for ever being so kind to me

skang ni da only thing that is between me and my real holiday is the looming ALIN exam.
tak start blaja pun lg. dont kno where to start. Ya Allah, permudahkan urusan ku dan kawan2 ku..aminn... go sarah gooo

huuu..where to start where to start

hujan batu di negara org

im tired of this word but it refuses to go away from me and begging me to use it again and again and again. so here goes: TENSIONNNNNNNNNNN

haih.. huhu.. im almost there.. da nak siap sgt da esaimen ni.. tinggal last section je.. but im stuckk!! im stuck.. and i cant move on to other things until i get this stuff done.

so dgn harapan i cud be un-stuck dgn membuang mase buat benda lain, tetibe rase nak upload gmbr the new addition to my family of shoes! introducinggggg mr boot!! (a girl can never have too much shoe right??right) ok. saye tak bli skinny jeans lagi,so nmpk pelik sket pakai ngan suar ni, tp boleh laa.. hehe..

gmbr2 ni diambik pade satu hari yg terang dan cantik (huuu, rindu panas malaysia!). eny yg suke dedaunan autumn tidak dpt menahan dari memotografikannye and I gladly volunteered to be the not-very-top model. hehe. kpd mama and ayah, ni la die rupe umah sarah kat sini.



oh, and while i was waiting for the pictures to load, tetibe hujan batu kat luar. haha. jakun skejap.lari2 tadah tgn. mcmla snow yg turun kan.. today's weather is really weird. kadang2 ujan, pastu windy gler, pastu tetibe terang benderang, pastu ujan balik.. huhu. all the same: SEJUKKKKK OKAYYY!! dat must be the reason I cant finish my assignment.huh.my brain is frozen!!

huhu. berusahalah sarah. berakit rakit dahulu bersenang senang kemudian. bertahan utk one more week before u get to meet ur parents and sisters! gee, lagi 4 hari je ok.wehuuuu.. tak sabar. ok now, esaimen tym!! (BIG sigh..)

serabut

i dont even have tym to feel stressed.
huhu. the work load is catching up on me and I got nobody but myself to blame
sukarnye utk mendisplinkan diri.. aduhaiii..
tensen tensen tensennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

things that are bothering me dis week:
1. the ALIN esaimen. (i really feel at lost with this thing. my lesson plan is all over the place and i cant waste anymore tym in designing and redesigning it again and again and again. gotta hit the paper and start writing for the commentary. which is tough, because i dont know what i want from the materials. peninglaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2. the keLING assignment. (i dont have a clue. why do i feel as if they were talking in german in the lecture? and now they are expecting me to answer the question, which it seems to me,again,written in german. and my past results is not that great for me to be blase about this assignment. but still, i dont have the mood to start this assignment until I see there is a progress in my ALIN assignment.notice how many times the golden word 'assignment' is repeated?? exactly. too much! my feeling exactly)

3.the muslim women event. (it is supposed to be a big event but why do i feel that i am making no contribution at all? well i guess theres not much u can do when u are a decoration committee.maybe the hardwork wil be on that day. which is worrying to me because i am thinking at what time the event will finish when i have so many things to be done. hint: the LING assignment (assuming that ive done my alin)!!

4.even if this dreaded weekend is over, i still have the TEAP assignment coming up. which i have to do earlier from everybody else because my parents is coming. so, no rest for next week too!! pastuh kne fikir demonstration TEAP plakk. I hope it wont take too much of my time.

5.test LING. which is on the same day I will meet my parents at queenstown. I dont know if i can handle finishing the TEAP essay and studying for the quiz at the same time. i guess i HAVE to manage.

padan muke buat keje lambat2. sape suruh. huu.
takpe sarah, sempat, ade mase lagi. siapkan la alin tu even if it means u have to sacrifice your precious nap or sleep at night.

u can. lagipun dis is not the first time ure doing last minute work right?? right.
berusaha!!!

things to do today (a MUST!!)

1.buat ALIN, at least 1000 word dah for the essay
2.tgk2 soalan LING utk dibincangkan esok

i am thankful to Allah for:

1.this chance of studying oversea, no matter how hard it seems right now. dis is your dream sarah, live it.

2.a functional brain, so I can think.

'when the going gets tough, the toughs get going'

go sarahhhhh!!!

saye tak pandai bahasa omputih

today i took the time to search for my old blog with the intention to delete it.
i have no problem in finding the old blog alright, all i have to do is type the infamous 'mizz shaina' and there u go, my dear old blog was on the top list.
the problem was, however, i already forgot which email i have to use in order to log in. so camne nak delete kan? tapi dgn usaha yg gigih akhirnye berjaya la gak delete. (walaupun ble google mizz shaina blog tu masih lagi wujud jitu disitu, haish)

ape yg nak diceritakan ialah apabila saye membace balik blog lame itu, saye kagum dgn kepakaran saye berbahasa inggeris pada ketika itu. agak berprestij jugakla dibandingkan dgn sekarang. ayoyooo..

and i call myself a future english teacher? sungguh memalukan hati dan nuraniku.
just today miss dreamer (puas hati identiti anda tidak diketahui??hehe) and I talked about how we used to criticized our literature teacher during the a level era.
bukannye kutuk tudung die tak matching ke ape, its just that we felt that as an english teacher who used to study oversea,she should be more fluent in english.
and i remember thinking 'this is wat happen when perkampungan melayu wujud di oversea'. u dont get to be fluent because u stick to ur own group and speak ur mother tongue.then wats the difference between studying oversea and local? i can think of two: the weather and the season. huh.

and i remember making a vow to myself that i wont be like that. i want to talk like the native english speaker talk.ceh.of coz of coz of coz, things are easier said than done.

tgkla skang ni. name je duk oversea. but i cant even speak english fluently. i dont even have one mat saleh fren and i cant help but get rather intimidated with the locals. bknnye taknak bercampur gaul,tapi kan, masalahnye, i always felt that they kinda look down on us? i always get the impression that they think we're less smart than them.just because we came from a country which they dont know how to pronounce or spell the name. takkan la cam kite plak yg tergedik gedik kan nak cam rapat ngan diorg? i dont kno. ke im the one who is shallow minded?

but anyhow, i have to work hard to improve my english. lain la kalau kne mengajar kat sepilok.salah ckp in english pun org tak perasan kut.hehe.

okla.cukupla merapu utk malam ini.sakit leher da

perancangan utk malam ini:

1.dah2 la tu sarah blog hopping.kang kne sumpah jadi katak camne?
2.stadi pasal allophone and phoneme.apehal x phm2 nihh..tertelan sabun ke mase mandi
3.buat ALIN. go sarah go kill the paper!!

tapi mengapekah daku rase sungguh tak bersemangat skali?
ngantokkk ngantokkk. pls lempang.
sarah buat cpt sarah. esok nak tgk wayang. take that as incentive for the your hard work tonight. (hahhh?? hard kee?? we'll see)

today im grateful to Allah for:

letting me breath and see the world for another day,and keeping everyone i love healthy and happy(i think)

my wishlist for tonight:

being able to understand keLING 211
ade progress dlm esaimen (pls3)

berusaha!! huk!