aku x suke ble

aku x suke ble aku x boleh ckp secare terus terang yang aku sbenarnye x suke sesuatu benda tu. contohnye, aku x ske kwn aku smoking ble lepak dgn aku sbbnye 1) aku mmg x ske kwn2 aku smoking, especially perempuan, sgt tak manis kelihatannya (ye aku tau, aku x merokok pun xdela aku nmpk manes, but watever), dan juga (kne ke bagitau utk kesekian kalinya?) merokok itu membahayakan kesihatan (as obviously ditunjukkan dlm gmbr2 amaran di atas kotak2 rokok itu) 2)aku x boleh nak mkn dgn bau asap rokok melilau lilau kat idong aku.

sadly enough, aku adalah jenis org yang x reti nak berkata tidak even padahal aku x suke (sbb tu la aku sering terpedaya dgn sales girl/sales men). ble aku ckp kau ingat aku gurau2, padahal aku ckp yg btul. org kate aku cute sbb ckp lepas dgn blurnye(ntah ape yg cutenye aku x phm). if only once in a while people wud take me seriously. if only people wud understand that i really speak from my heart and bukannye mengeluarkan ayat2 pedas utk membuat mereka tertawa.

haish. entahle

fool fool fool

Oh.my.God

I might have just stupidly gone out of my way to make a big fool out of myself (which, I can assure you, not for the first time and positively, wont be the last time either).

about hope

I hate myself for hoping. because it exposes myself to the risk of being dissapointed, dejected, rejected, feeling unworthy, low self esteem,etc2 (feel free to add the synonyms).

sometimes i hope good things can just happen when i wasn't expecting it. so i dont have to go through the misery and torture of waiting, being afraid, being unsure, and all sorts of other turmoils. But will those unexpected things taste as sweet and as good as something that finally goes out my way after all the times i have spent hoping and waiting?

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”- anonymous


p/s- im not making any sense tonight, I know. and its intended that way. wahaha. sorry for the unsophisticated observation of hope. im just writing about wat i feel so I can feel better. and i already am =)

wise wise words

i actually saw this at my fren's fb status and i knew i had to write it down somewhere because it is so so wise. i wonder who is the creator. wise2 person. so here goes:

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."

i love it.

not for the faint hearted who lives in wellington (sambungan)

tak sangka pule ade permintaan yg tinggi utk cerita ini..hahaha.. malu je kalau sebenarnye tak best mane kann..well, at least i succeeded in creating the sense of anticipation, didnt i??

okla, ceritanye, weekend aritu, saye ke rumah jiran saye yg bernama K (ecece, cam secret sgt je kann, u know who i meant) utk mengambil movie dari hard disk nye (tgk bdk ni, tak sedar diri esaimen tak buat lagi). kebetulan aritu seorg abg bernama R pun ade jugak kat rumah K sbb nak amik movie gak (oh, sblm tu, abg R blanje kami aiskrem harini, terima kasih abg R!! semoga murah rezki dan boleh blanje lagi). Abg R ni tinggal jauh sket dari kwsn perumahan kitorg, kne jalan 20 minit camtu baru sampai. die slalu lepak2 rumah si K ni dan balik lewat mlm ke rumahnye.

out of curiosity, saye pun tanyela "pnah tak kne kacau?". soalan tu sbenarnya bertanyekan same ade pernah tak kene kacau dgn mat2 atau minah2 mabuk.. biasela negara org putih ni, asal malam je mabuk pastu jerit2 kacau org pastuh kencing merata rata (ni takde kne mengena, tapi jijik jugak). tapi si abg R ni pulak interpret soalan tu as "pnah tak kne kacau dgn hangtu ah".. aduhaii..

"maksud sarah kne kcau dgn benda2 tu ke?" tanye beliau meminta kepastian. padahal taknak tau pun pasal ni, tapi tula, i've always been fascinated by the things im scared of. "Oh, pernah ke?" tanye saye dgn semangat dan rase ingin tahu yg tinggi yang sudahnye membawa kesusahan pada diri sendiri.

"tak pnahh, tapi org lain pernah laa" kate die. "Tau tak simpang bla bla bla tu?" (die takdela sbut "bla bla bla" ye kwn2. bla bla bla sbb saye tak ingat exactly name simpang tu, tapi saye boleh agak2 la kat mane).

"ha, tauu"kataku, sambil merapatkan bdn kpd kwnku E. "kat situ da dua kali org nampak pon***nak (some letters are being ommited because the writer is concern it will be too much for some readers to take, or perhaps, for the writer herself to take)

"haa?? biar betul? kat nz pun ade gak pon***nak??" kataku, tak percaya.

abg R angguk. "maybe benda tu ikut die kut dari malaysia" aduhaiiii.. meremang aku kejapp.. bleh plak ikut2 kan..

dan aku pule dgn bodohnye bertanye pulak camne bentuk rupe makhluk yang ditemui itu. bodoh bodoh bodohhhh!!! dan abd R tu pun cerita la.. (saye taknak citer la camne rupe die, phm2 sendiri la rupe standard die tu, saye taknak tak boleh tido pule mlm ni)

si K pulak gi tmbh cerita2 seram ekslusif dari malaysia. I should have stopped them, but like I've mentioned above, ive always been fascinated and attracted to that kind of stories, so i continue to probe and listened. i can feel the fear creeping, enveloping me.

saye yang asalnye duduk atas kerusi, terus melompat bersila di bwh sbb da rase cuak.. "wey K, teman kitorg balik umah tau nanti" desak ku.walaupun sbenarnye rumah kitorg 2 minit je jaraknya. mungkin sbb nmpk sgt muka aku yang da ketakutan dan cuak, abg R pun mengeluarkan mathurat dari begnya dan suruh aku bace maksud ayat2 yang boleh dijadikan pelindung. kasi nasihat jugak. "jangan takut sgt, anggap benda2 tu makhluk Allah yang lain, contohnya mcm kucing tu, die takde kuasa pun" Im still not convinced. barula skang aku menyesal gi tanye lebih2. "takut sgt pada benda ni boleh bwk kpd syirik sarah" ok, aku da rase berdosa dan takut syirik. tapi aku still tak berjaya hilangkan takut jugak.

"ingat, benda tu lagi suke kacau kalau kita takut". Ok. ayat ni la yang buat aku traumatized. sbbnye, camne ni, aku da pun takut. so dlm otak aku mmg byg benda2 ni nak attack aku sbb aku da takut tadi. bygkan, aku nak masuk toilet pun aku keluar balik, sbbnye ble basuh muke, aku takut kat cermin tu nmpk benda lain. ble duduk kat jmbn,aku takut ade tgn menjulur dari luar. ye, aku boleh jadi sgt kreatif ble takut. ble buat esaimen tak bleh plak pandai mcm ni. mlm tu aku sendiri terkejut dgn betapa penakutnye aku. tak sangka sampai boleh thp mcm tu.

ya Allah, teruknya hambaMu ini. guys, pls nasihatkan aku supaya tak jadi penakut sgt. huhu.

hoho..tu la ceritanye.. tak lah seram mane pun kan? tapi mlm tu aku mmg seram kut. sbb selama ni tak expect benda2 tu boleh jadi gak kat negara omputih ni..huhu..

p/s-haha, sorry la, tadi memula start as "saye" da bertukar jadi "aku" plak sbb syok sgt cerita

not for the faint hearted who lives in wellington

hehe. cam gempak je kan tajuk entry kali ni. and org2 yang kenal rapat dgn saye mesti terlintas di dlm otaknye berkata "heh?dis coming from sarah yang penakut tu? tak logik tak logik.."

sbb saye penakut la saye da 2 kali membatalkan hasrat saye utk tulis pasal benda ni. tapi mlm ni, under the duvet and gebar yang berjaye di panaskan oleh electric blanket, dlm kesamaran mencari2 papan kekunci yang tepat utk ditekan hanya dgn bantuan lampu screen laptop,dan dgn bateri laptop pink ku yang tinggal 75% je remaining (bateri sudah memberi warning minta diganti, ngaaaaa, duit lagiiiii), saye nak citer jugak. sbb saye rase benda ni intresting utk dicerita. lagipun jarang skali ade benda menarik boleh diceritakan so ble ade peluang tak patut dilepaskan, setuju? (aish, panjang pule mukadimah budak ni. kalaula menaip esaimen pun boleh sepanjang dan sepantas ni, tentu da boleh packing2 baju tunggu waktu balik malaysia)

sbenarnye citer die pasal ni.. slame duduk kat nz ni kan, ramai rakan2 sependapat mengatakan bahwa mereka rase lebih berani ble ade kat sini berbanding kat malaysia. berani mcm mana tu? berani dgn manusia, contohnye the probability of kne ragut, kne kacau di siul siulkan oleh lelaki yg biul ble jalan sorg2 sgt tipis la kat sini. (mungkin sbb mereka lebih berminat curik bank, ehhh, tp x jugakk, and mungkin juge sbb perempuan melayu yang menutup aurat tak menarik berbanding yang lebih terdedah dan menjemput utk dpandang, terima kasih ya Allah!!).

lagi satu, berani juge dgn bukan manusia sbbnye ble balik malam pun x rase takut mcm kat malaysia, kononye takde hangtu ah (paham tak hangtu ah tu ape? buang huruf 'g' dan 'ah' utk perkataan sbenar) kat sini sbb org kat sini tak percaya benda2 tu, so die tak wujud kata mereka. pastu diorg ckp kalau wujud pun mesti kelakar sbb die rupe mat saleh, ala2 dracula dan sbgainye la kan. haa, tapi tapi tapi, btul ke sangkaan tu semua?? rupe2nye....

nak sambung esok ble da siang. sbb saye cuak nak abes citer malam ni.. trauma masih blum sembuh rupenye. haish.. slamat malam dan assalamualaikum. apape pun, Allah yang paling berkuasa!!

lift my spirit, please

knape
tahun ni tak rase excited langsung nak raya
adekah masa mudaku sudah semakin menghilang
adekah mungkin juga sikap suke melembab lembabkan diri menyelesaikan tugasan sudah memakan diri? *padan muka*

ahhhh.sedeh=(

salam perantauan

today i sent this photo to metro (since the chance for us to come out in the utusan/berita harian is out of question because of their popularity and its already too late anyway). Maka mari membeli metro!! hehe=)

when u feel like u're nothing special

dis is from an email my mum sent me.. hope it can inspires others like it has inspired me


Just Beautiful!!

What makes me weak? My fears.....

What makes me whole? My God.

What keeps me standing? My faith.

What makes me compassionate? My selflessness.

What makes me honest? My integrity.

What sustains my mind? My quest for knowledge.

What teaches me all lessons? My mistakes.

What lift's my head high? My pride, not arrogance.

What if I can't go on? Not an option.

What makes me victorious? My courage to climb.

What makes me competent? My confidence .

What makes me sensual? My insatiable essence.

What makes me beautiful? My everything.

What makes me a woman? My heart .

Who says I need love? I do.

What empowers me? My God & Me.

Who am I? I AM A PROUD STRONG WOMAN!

A letter from a Christian to Muslim women (March 7th, 2007)

I was blog hopping when i came across this article. i was touched by how there are people from other religion that see muslim women as a symbol of purity and honour.

I think its time we live up to it



By Joanna Francis
Writer, Journalist - USA


Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice. I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness.

Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.

Through Temptation

They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison. There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes.

They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti-depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.

Self-Value

I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6). Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you.

The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead. Only to leave her too!

Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.

A Woman’s Heart

I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre-marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us, just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears.

Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart. We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love.

Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.

Self-Denial

Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated.

We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot. Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is really supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity. Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration. From your Christian sister with love

who knew..

who knew being a teacher would be this hard. definitely not me

*aku lelah dgn penat. oh Allah, kuatkan!*

sometimes we just need to kick ourselves

i never thought i would say this but today apparently i will:

I CANT WAIT FOR MY MID TRIMESTER BREAK TO BE OVER

and it is all thanks to the teaching experience durjana that I have to go through this two week.
it is only the first day of my teaching experience and im feeling that my life has been drained out of me. im. totally. knackered. when i havent really started yet. all i did was observing how my associate teacher teach and manage the classroom and once in a while I try to appear intrested in what the kids are doing (while they must think that im such a bz body to keep peering over their homeworks)

now i totally understand how it feels to be in the working force. now i totally get it why people say studying is the best stage of life no matter how psycho it can make u feels at time.

it makes me afraid to be in the real world. huhu.

well, but this is the path i chose, although i complained a lot, im not going to back out.
because I know, Allah had destined me to take this profession for a reason. and one reason I can think of is because it is a very good channel for Da'wah. so persevere sarah!! whenever i feel that things are going tough, i always remember this ayat from Quran:

( فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرًا (٥) إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرً۬ا (٦

which means: "So, verily, with every difficulty, there's a relief (5) Verily, with every difficulty there's a relief (6) [Al-Insyirah]

beautiful2 verse, with a beautiful2 meaning, as if talking directly to me.

I should know better: Org Islam mesti berjiwa besar! we muslims must be strong!!


p/s- I really2 miss reciting to His love letter *cry*

makhluk yang asing

Rasulullah s.a.w pernah bersabda



"Sesungguhnya Islam datang dalam keadaan asing dan akan kembali dalam keadaan asing sebagaimana awalnya, maka beruntunglah orang-orang yang terasing“.



Para sahabat kemudian bertanya: "Siapa orang-orang asing Ya Rasulullah?’ ‘Mereka adalah orang-orang yang melakukan perbaikan ketika orang-orang mulai melakukan kerusakan." (HR. Ath-Thabrani).



aku ingin jadi org2 yg terasing itu. O Allah, pls count me in!!

sape name die faraha angkat tgn!! =)

still by the same poet master, Hafez , and since u enjoyed it so much dis tym I dedicated this for u

When I want to kiss God

When
No one is looking

I swallow deserts and clouds
And chew on mountains knowing
They are sweet
Bones!

When no one is looking and I want
To Kiss
God

I just lift my own hand
To
My
Mouth

(taken from The Gift,translated by Daniel Ladinsky)

What a sweet2 poem. dont u think?

MY pictures,NOT yours

this is what i just find out from an old friend. that he has been keeping my pictures. and this is what i feel.

i hate it when people take my personal belonging without my permission. and yes, that include stealing my pictures from the facebook. no, its not ok. yes, i am also to blame. i should have known this would be the risk of uploading your pictures online. I used to not care whether people wants to take keep my picture in their laptop. but i now i DO care. because its wrong. now that i am aware i dont like thinking about what will they do with my pictures. it is also wrong because it shows how obsess u are. when u shouldnt be obsess with human beings more than u are obsess with your God. do u think Allah will like the act you keeping the picture of a women who is not your mahram? and truly Allah is the best judge of your intention. if u know better, u'll delete the pictures.

For a single Tear

For a Single Tear

I
Know of beauty
That no one has ever
Known

How could that be possible
When I may seem
So new in infinite time?

It is because Allah belongs to only you!

Did u hear that?
Did u hear what Hafiz just said?

God belongs to only you!
It is the only reasonable payment
For a single
Tear

-Hafiz, a great Sufi master

I found this one book of translated poem by a muslim poet yesterday at the mosque open day.
cant get over the beauty and the wisdom of the words in describing his love for the one and only God, Allah. so i decided to write down some of it. what do u think?

terlebih

saye rase saye da terlebih mkn. well,bkn rase, mmg pun.
kwn2, ingat ye, kalau da tau kejap lagi nak dinner, jgn mkn 3 keping roti sambil berserta biskut biskutan cecah air teh o panas diikuti dgn sushi. nanti jadi mcm saye. semput.

tula, nabi da pesan da tak elok mkn byk sgt. tak dgr. ikut sgt nafsu. huhu. tak ikut ckp nabi nilah jadinye.

ive vowed not to complain but pls pls pls allow me this one chance. i want this week to end fast!! its been a crazy bz week. assignment yang ntah btul ntah tak. islamic awareness week to handle. and dont get me started on the mdia 102 tute tomorrow which I absolutely loath.

but next week is not going to get any easier either. 2 test back to back!! and with NO holiday to look forward to!! tak aci wuwu. nape teaching experience kne amik sampai 2 minggu..huhu. there goes my holiday. 2 weeks. burn just like dat.

ntahla ntahla ntahla. dont kno wat to think. dont want to think.

kate2 pemujuk kpd diri sendiri: takpe sarah, bertahan, org islam kne kuat!! ni amanah, ko dihantar ke sini mmg suruh belajar pun, bkn bercuti. jihad melawan nafsu!!

berusaha!! hiyahh!!!

push me

once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator. well, at least in my case. huhu.

I intended on starting my MDIA 102 assignment since last monday and guess what, its already saturday and I havent written a word.zero. nada

bkn taknak buat. saye btul2 tak tau nak buat camne. and i cant help but questioning myself whether taking this paper is really the right decision? helpppppppppppppppppp.

sbb cuak sgt tak start apape lagi, i type the question. kunun2 menyedapkan hati da taip sket. (YELATU SARAHHH!! soalan tak masuk dalam wordcounts ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

takutnye takutnye takutnyeeeeeeeeeeeeee... so malam ni nak tak nak kne try gak at least da type 500, ok??? jgn berlengah lengah lagi wahai diri sendiri.

u can do it!! huk!!

xpe2. pasni solat hajat mintak tolong Allah mudahkan. sesungguhnye Dia lah sandaran terbaik.
berusahaaaaa!!!

sape2 yang bace post ni sorylah sbb post ni merapu. (oh, mcm sebelum ni tak merapu je cik sarrr.)
i need to write this in order to push myself. da byk sgt memain,huhu. ok, go sarah go!! lwan setan montel yang bergayut gayut kat mate tu

anyway,today i am thankful to Allah for:

keeping my loved ones safe wherever they are and for the biggest nikmat: iman and islam

p/s- i miss vacationing with my family. i miss vacation. which is not coming anytime soon. haish. sarah, remember u've vowed to urself dat u will stop grumbling??

ble nak sedar

thanks to a friend, today she shared with me a video on utube regarding palestin.

palestin is not a new issue indeed. the cruelty of the jews towards the muslims there has been going on for far too long while the world watch and do practically nothing to change the situation. (oh, OIC tu jgn ckpla.setakat ooo i see..)

boikot pun bermusim. ble media tgh hebat tayangkan peperangan kat palestin barula semua pun rase guilty nak mkn mcD, KFC. tapi ble media dah reda sket, mule balik sokong barang2 yahudi tu.

oh, kalau lah kite rase sendiri teruknya org islam kne torture, anak dibunuh dpn mata sendiri, saudara perempuan kita diperkosa, budak2 kecik dipijak pijak dan diluku luku oleh yahudi laknatullah kat negara diorg sendiri dgn duit yang kita byr utk beli brg keluaran yahudi dgn alasan 'tak tahan', mungkin kita takkan sanggup keluar duit utk diorg.

semoga aku akan tegar memboikot brgn yahudi, aminn..

lagi satu yg buat aku tergerak nak menulis malam ni, aku rase sedih ble compare org melayu kita ni, yang diberi nikmat aman, diberi peluang belajar oversea, tapi kufur nikmat. kite hidup aman damai tapi berapa ramai yang hidup dlm maksiat. bangga letak gmbr pergi club kat facebook, bangga tayang gmbr pegang botol arak, berpeluk pelukan laki perempuan. tak ingat Allah.

mungkin korg patut dicampakkan ke palestin. mungkin baru sedar. mungkin korg baru ingat Allah.

tapi utk sekarang, ape yang aku boleh buat, ialah doakan semoga shbt2ku berubah, semoga Allah berikan kita semua hidayah. sbb semua manusia mmg dilahirkan baik. sbb sbg manusia, aku sayang mereka semua kerana Allah.

melayu, sedarlah betapa kita semakin jauh dari landasan Allah. tak mustahil Allah turunkan bala kat malaysia sbg balasan kekufuran kita. ble mcm tu, sempat kah kita kembali pada Allah?

just because

just because u share everything with that person doesnt mean that that person will do the same to you
i guess just because that person really means a lot to you doesnt mean he/she will feel the same way too

well, just because.

stop being nosy, u.. learn how to.

saye kne tag

saye kne tag dek choji.and oleh kerana saye sangat sangap malam ni, so here goes:

Sometimes I just need:
-people to have faith in me more than I have faith in myself. someone who believe i can do it even when im not feeling so sure.

Sometimes I want:
-my life to be as sweet as fairy tales. which is impossible. because life is not as predictable but that wat makes life more interesting.

Sometimes I like to:
-stay at my home sweet home doing nothing and savour the time with my loved ones

Sometimes all it takes:
- is for people to take the times to say 'are u ok?' to mend my heart's pain

Sometimes I picture:
- wat my life would be like if i am richer. wud i be the same sarah? wud i be better? wud i be someone that i would hate?

Sometimes I wish:
-everyone, everyone, gets their happy ending. myself included

Sometimes I find:
-the world nowadays is a terrible terrible place to live in. and i feel so helpless to change a thing

Sometimes I take:
-time to heal the pain someone i love a lot has inflicted on me

Sometimes I look:
-up to someone but they end up hurting me

Sometimes I hate:
-how people choose to hurt others at the expend of their own happiness.why oh why??

Sometimes it’s nice:
- if someone do something sweet for you

Sometimes it hurts:
- when people fails to appreciate what u have done for them

Sometimes it makes me happy:
- to know that somewhere in some part of the world, there are people who are doing good for other people

Sometimes it’s sad:
-to realize how us muslim have gone too far astrayed from the one true perfect straight path that Allah has laid for us

Sometimes I listen:
- to other people's problem but i wonder if they ever think of me as a good listener

Sometimes I sleep:
- to pretend that everything would be alright when I wake up again

Sometimes I like to watch:
- beautiful people.haha

Sometimes I feel:
- that people dont understand me enough. i am truly more that meets the eye

tag ni sbenarnye panjang lagi. tapi sudah tak larat.
sape2 yang sudi nak buat, silakan

selamat malam duniaa
saye

hari yang tidak berapa nak best

hari ni tetibe dpt email pasal placement utk teaching experience. ok. sgt jauh tempat yang aku kne mengajar. da la sengsorang. huu. sbenarnye ble tgk alamat skolah tu di lower hutt, aku x berperasaan pun sbb aku tak bleh byg pun kat mane sbenarnye lower hutt itu (ye, my sense of direction is terrible. kalau ade award kpd org yang paling blur pasal jalan ni aku mmg boleh menang).

'jauh tu', kata eny. slps merisik kawan2 lain punye teaching placement jugak, jelaslah bahawa aku dpt skola yang paling jauh. dan googling tempat tu di internet tidak membantu meredhakan keresahan dan susah hatiku. sbb tak phm. dan complicated. dan sgt sgt jauh dari bandar wellington. buat aku lg sgt cemas. pukul brape nak bangun. kne naik kereta api ke ape. kalau sesat sorg2 mcm mane. kalau kne buli dgn students camne. nak solat kat mane. ni pergi bulan puase, sempat ke tak nak berbuka kat umah. dan mcm2 lagi soalan yang menyesakkan otak aku yang tak berapa nak berfungsi di pagi hari (hah, pagi ke??mcm da tgh hari je kau bgn sarah).

air mata pun bergenang. dpt pule msg dari sha yang tersalah antar tapi berckp pasal aku (haha, sha, slalu sgt tersilap antar kan). tak tau la patutnye antar kat sape. msg simpati tapi buat aku rase bengang. emo sorg2 rase bengang sbb rase org mcm pandang rendah kebolehan aku utk survive sorg2. reply balik dgn emonye. dan hampir mencetuskan pergaduhan antara kitorg. sorry sha, kite kebudak budakan tadi. terima kasih sbb tak balas api dgn api. kite yang emo hari ni. mungkin sbb gelabah dpt skola yang jauh dan tak tau camne nak pergi. mungkin juge sbb Allah mentakdirkan hari ni utk kite berasa tidak sihat. serabut. ble dgr ade sahabat yang da terkena swine flue, kite pun mule risau yang bukan2 (harapnye bukan2 lah)

tapi ble bace balik email yang dpt lepas tu aku lega sket lah, sbb insyaAllah akan diberi briefing camne nak ke skola2 itu. and ble da petang tu aku da boleh berfikir dgn rational and positive sket. chill la sarah, ni la masenye nak berdikari and tunjukkan kat kwn2 kau kau boleh survive sendiri.

hari ni blog aku bernada lain sket kan. mungkin sbb baru lepas tgk cerita Kami the movie. haha. senangnye aku terpengaruh. haip2.

oh, and pasal cerita Kami ni. agak menarik sbb die sempoi je, pelakon die tak nmpk cam blakon, tak macam cerita2 yang trying-too-hard spt cerita2 melayu kebanyakannya. mmg menarik kalau kite tgk from the surface level. yang kurangnya ialah cerita ni cam takde msg yg baik. ok, maybe die nak paparkan kisah persahabatan, and then wat else? die portray cara hidup remaja zmn skang yang sneek out malam2 sbb nak gi tgk gig, yang amik dadah ble tension, yang sanggup jual dadah sbb nk duit (does it make it better if u just sell tapi tak mkn dadah tu? NO). takde langsung scene yang tunjuk budak2 ni solat. nape ye? adekah nmpk kurang moden ble bersolat? citer ni cam nak suggest cam cool la budak2 yg gi gig ni. pompuan islam pakai baju seksi sket tu biasela. ala, remaja kann. so much for 'negara islam'. we must watch out wat we are allowing our media to portray and promote. melayu skarang ni cam da makin hilang identity. and they are proud of it. i guess its up to us yang phm pasal issue agama dan identity melayu to make a change. it might be a slow process, but its not impossible, insyaAllah.

oh. daku da melalut lalut
sakit, cptla sembuh ye, aku nak tgk transformer (terima kasih sang kwn yang baik hati kasi tiket free, hehe). Ya Allah, tabahkanlah aku menempuh ujian Mu ini tanpa byk merengus.

xoxo
sayelah

hiduplah mencari makna

mcm biasa. saye menulis sbg escapism dari melakukan keje yg sepatutnye.
just finished my dinner. i cook today (yeay!walaupun masak ape je la sgt kan). patutnye solat isyak and terus berperang dgn buku, but not just yet.
today i cried for a stranger. a stranger in the sense dat i have never meet and talked to him, but not a stranger in the sense that we are brothers and sisters in Islam.

arni ntah camne saye terbukak blog anas b. mat asis http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=86577657767&h=hB5An&u=IIAOB&ref=mf, an acquaintance from zmn2 kms dulu. die citer la pasal ade sahabat die di mesir yg sedang kritikal sbb accident and suruh para pembace doakan. mase tu da tersentuh da ble die tulis

“Ya Allah kau selamatkanlah Aman n Eckem,

amatlah rugi kehilangan mereka bagi DAKWAH ini

sesungguhnya hati2 ini telah redha dengan jalan Mu ”

tapi lepas tym tgh mkn kat dapo ngan eny die tanye la 'wey, ko tau ak pasal student malaysia yang meninggal kat mesir?'. innalillahwainnaillahirojiunn. rupe2nye salah seorg dari student yg terlibat dlm accident tu meninggal, amar namenye. diorg accident lepas baru balik dari menguruskan salah satu program usrah. subhanallah.. ade dlm satu blog tu yg tribute utk amar tu siap tulis 'Ammar,anta menyusahkan sahabat kemudian'. sbb ape? sbb die da set satu benchmark yang tinggi utk dicontohi kwn2 die yang lain. Die meninggal semasa dlm perjalanan utk menguruskan program yang membawa org lain lebih dekat kpd Allah dan juga utk eratkan siratulrahim jadi insyaAllah die mati sbg seorg syahid. Bak kata penulis blog itu:

"Perginya Ammar dengan cara macam itu telah menyusahkan sahabat dia yang terkemudian. Ammar telah tinggal benchmark yang tinggi buat kita. Jika kita mahu pergi,paling minimum dengan cara seperti Ammar. Pergi dalam keadaan untuk mengentarkan hati manusia dengan kalimah Allah,pergi dalam keadaan menegakkan risalah dan seruan Islam,"

ya Allah, btape cemburunya saya dgn Ammar. die bercita cita mati syahid, dan insyaAllah, itu yang die dpt. how about me? bercita cita juga, tapi tanpa usaha yg setimpal. apekah?? ble bace blog org lain yg bersungguh sungguh menyebarkan dakyah Islam rase malu pule dgn blog sendiri yang pentingkan masalah2 remeh temeh. masalah assignment dan exam yang mmg merupakan tanggungjwb saya. tertampar sekejap ble dkt salah satu pos Anas tu die menulis:

IF THEY KNEW WE SKIPPED LECTURES
THIS IS WHAT THEY WOULD SAY…..
FROM A PALESTINIAN CHILD:

“SHAME ON YOU for not going to LECTURE!!
when i had to go through guns and checkpoints just to come to school.

” KAMI TAKKAN REDHA DENGAN KEMALASAN & KELALAIAN KAMU..!!! ”

insaf sgt. rase kelakar pulak bercita cita nak mati syahid ble tanggungjwab kecil ni pun masih duk berkeluh kesah. something got to change sarah. senang lenang yang pasti dan kekal hanyelah di syurga. huk, berusaha!!

ya Allah..scary la jugak..tp tiada yg mustahil bagiMu ya Allah

okay. I secretly have this theory. whenever i felt like really eating something, kirenye cam teringin la kan, somehow, miraculously, not long after that, i'll get the chance to eat the food. contohnye, tym kat skola asrama dulu, skali tu teringin gle la nak makan roti telur. tgk2 esoknye pakcik kantin tu ade plak jual.tak pnah2 ok. ok, ni maybe kebetulan, but thats not all.

pastu tym kat new zealand plak. aritu teringin gle nak makan piza. ni bukan cam kat malaysia, teringin je bleh gi bli kat piza hut. kat sini susah sket sbb kdai piza ade jual ngan bacon skali. tetibe tak lame pastu housemate saye yg laki bleh plak tetibe buat piza, dptlaa merasa kan. pastu tahun ni plak, aritu teringin nak mkn pancake. tak lame pastu housemate bleh plak bwk balik pancake (tak ingat dari mane ntah).

ok.maybe di atas ni org bleh kate kebetulan je(tp sebenarnye dlm islam there's no such thing as kebetulan, semuanye dah ditakdirkan Allah kan) tapi mlm ni sangat rase scary apabila buah manggis yang diingin inginkan tadi tetibe bleh plak housemate saye Ore ade simpan dlm bilik die. die kate baru bli ptg tadi kat new world. manggis ok. in new zealand.
wats the odds??

kesimpulannye disini, saye rase la, Allah sgtla mendengar doa saye bab2 saye teringin makanan ni.cpt je dapat.huuu, sgt terharu, meremang skejap tadi.. thank u Allah thank u Alhamdulillah.

haha. tapi saye ade satu lg yg teringin yg kira hampir mustahil gak nak dpt ni new zealand ni. pengat durian. mkn ngan roti. fuh, bestnye. haha.. we'll see..

teringin buah manggis

i know, i understand, and i have learnt that all good things, as bad things are, will finally come to an end, but still, its kinda sad.. my vacation has come to an end.wuuu (but i think the main reason I am sad is because there will be a big exam coming up, and I, as always, never fail to hate exams with conviction) it was refreshing meeting up with my sisters and parents. sedey la.. my mum said they might be going to haji dis year and this is the only chance I can meet them before they went there. huu.. pls come back!!!

anyhow, dis is among my fav pictures:








































































there are many events dat happen during the vacation. but one of the most striking event is when I see my mum being scolded in front of me, which I will very much remember until the day I die. for those who have never experience the events of your own mother being scolded at, pls pray that u wont. its very2 hurtful, trust me.

citer die camnih,tym tu we were at the christchurch airport tgh nak tunggu boarding utk flight ke welly. and my sista, wani bought a potato chips so kitorg pun duk ar makan2 kat krusi. pastu blakang krusi ni adela sorg minah kiwi ni (i assume la minah kiwi, x taula kalau die australian ke ape) dgn 2 anak die.sorg baby (die dukung), sorg toddler umur cam 2-3 tahun camtu. so tym adik2 dan mak sdg mengunyah nguyah chips itu (saye bkn penggemar potato chips, saye suke super ring yg berperisa keju itu), bdk tu tgk jee la, so agaknye sbb my mum kesian die kasi la sket kat budak tu. pastu mak budak tu pusing pandang kitorg (tym ni die tak sdar lg anak die tgh makan) so my mum tanye la 'u dont mind right if i gave ur kid some?' die menjwab dgn blagaknye 'no, no, thanks'

mak saye pun gelabahla sbb die da pun terkasi. agaknye sbb perasan riak muke mak saye itu minah itu pun terusla pandang kat anak die yg tgh sedap menguyah, pastu cpt2 suruh anak die kuarkan pastu dgn rudenye campak kat kitorg. mak saye pun ckp la 'sorry,sorry'. ingat kan dah habis disitu la. skali minah tu pusing lagi kat mak saye seraya berkata dgn muke bengangnye ' u really shudden give food to someone else's kids without asking the parents first. they might have allergics. I really didnt appreciate u giving my kid the food' camtula lebih kurang dgn muke yang haish, muke tak puas hati gler.

my mum pun dgn muke yg cam da malu ckpla 'im sorry.. im sorry...' ok, tym tu rasenye kalau letak telor atas my face boleh masak kut sbb merah yang teramat sgt tahan geram dan kesian kat mak sendiri. I admit that she had the point about the possibility that the kids might have allergics but we really meant well so cudden she said it in a more pleasant and nicer way? ala, kalau kat malaysia kan, biase jek kite kasi bdk kecik terliur yg tgh tgk kite mkn,takde pun mati (setakat ni blom lagi la aku kasi anak org tu mati)

and I cant help but feeling that mat saleh tu cam pandang org asia ni cam miskin la, so bwk2 penyakit tetibe nak kasi anak die makan plak kan (ye,saye mmg oversensitive in this way but this is my blog so lantakla saye nak ckp ape kan), hish, padahal ko tu tak basuh berak. hahaha. ha, bengang ni.. saye mmg overprotective kalau bab2 mak saye. so dont test me. entahla, try placing urself in my shoes. org tak sengaja kan, tak yah la nak hentam camtu skali. and like I said, we really meant well.

anyway, byk je lagi insiden2 yg membuatkan diri rase mcm nak bercerita but i think some of them are too personal and too controversial to share so takpela..

back to the present time. tadi dpt result test dan esaimen utk LING and ALIN.
test teruk, as expected, but saye bersyukur sbb at least tak fail, alhamdulillah
utk ALIN pun saye bersyukur cause' I got more than I deserved and expected, thank u Allah for ever being so kind to me

skang ni da only thing that is between me and my real holiday is the looming ALIN exam.
tak start blaja pun lg. dont kno where to start. Ya Allah, permudahkan urusan ku dan kawan2 ku..aminn... go sarah gooo

huuu..where to start where to start

hujan batu di negara org

im tired of this word but it refuses to go away from me and begging me to use it again and again and again. so here goes: TENSIONNNNNNNNNNN

haih.. huhu.. im almost there.. da nak siap sgt da esaimen ni.. tinggal last section je.. but im stuckk!! im stuck.. and i cant move on to other things until i get this stuff done.

so dgn harapan i cud be un-stuck dgn membuang mase buat benda lain, tetibe rase nak upload gmbr the new addition to my family of shoes! introducinggggg mr boot!! (a girl can never have too much shoe right??right) ok. saye tak bli skinny jeans lagi,so nmpk pelik sket pakai ngan suar ni, tp boleh laa.. hehe..

gmbr2 ni diambik pade satu hari yg terang dan cantik (huuu, rindu panas malaysia!). eny yg suke dedaunan autumn tidak dpt menahan dari memotografikannye and I gladly volunteered to be the not-very-top model. hehe. kpd mama and ayah, ni la die rupe umah sarah kat sini.



oh, and while i was waiting for the pictures to load, tetibe hujan batu kat luar. haha. jakun skejap.lari2 tadah tgn. mcmla snow yg turun kan.. today's weather is really weird. kadang2 ujan, pastu windy gler, pastu tetibe terang benderang, pastu ujan balik.. huhu. all the same: SEJUKKKKK OKAYYY!! dat must be the reason I cant finish my assignment.huh.my brain is frozen!!

huhu. berusahalah sarah. berakit rakit dahulu bersenang senang kemudian. bertahan utk one more week before u get to meet ur parents and sisters! gee, lagi 4 hari je ok.wehuuuu.. tak sabar. ok now, esaimen tym!! (BIG sigh..)

serabut

i dont even have tym to feel stressed.
huhu. the work load is catching up on me and I got nobody but myself to blame
sukarnye utk mendisplinkan diri.. aduhaiii..
tensen tensen tensennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

things that are bothering me dis week:
1. the ALIN esaimen. (i really feel at lost with this thing. my lesson plan is all over the place and i cant waste anymore tym in designing and redesigning it again and again and again. gotta hit the paper and start writing for the commentary. which is tough, because i dont know what i want from the materials. peninglaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2. the keLING assignment. (i dont have a clue. why do i feel as if they were talking in german in the lecture? and now they are expecting me to answer the question, which it seems to me,again,written in german. and my past results is not that great for me to be blase about this assignment. but still, i dont have the mood to start this assignment until I see there is a progress in my ALIN assignment.notice how many times the golden word 'assignment' is repeated?? exactly. too much! my feeling exactly)

3.the muslim women event. (it is supposed to be a big event but why do i feel that i am making no contribution at all? well i guess theres not much u can do when u are a decoration committee.maybe the hardwork wil be on that day. which is worrying to me because i am thinking at what time the event will finish when i have so many things to be done. hint: the LING assignment (assuming that ive done my alin)!!

4.even if this dreaded weekend is over, i still have the TEAP assignment coming up. which i have to do earlier from everybody else because my parents is coming. so, no rest for next week too!! pastuh kne fikir demonstration TEAP plakk. I hope it wont take too much of my time.

5.test LING. which is on the same day I will meet my parents at queenstown. I dont know if i can handle finishing the TEAP essay and studying for the quiz at the same time. i guess i HAVE to manage.

padan muke buat keje lambat2. sape suruh. huu.
takpe sarah, sempat, ade mase lagi. siapkan la alin tu even if it means u have to sacrifice your precious nap or sleep at night.

u can. lagipun dis is not the first time ure doing last minute work right?? right.
berusaha!!!

things to do today (a MUST!!)

1.buat ALIN, at least 1000 word dah for the essay
2.tgk2 soalan LING utk dibincangkan esok

i am thankful to Allah for:

1.this chance of studying oversea, no matter how hard it seems right now. dis is your dream sarah, live it.

2.a functional brain, so I can think.

'when the going gets tough, the toughs get going'

go sarahhhhh!!!

saye tak pandai bahasa omputih

today i took the time to search for my old blog with the intention to delete it.
i have no problem in finding the old blog alright, all i have to do is type the infamous 'mizz shaina' and there u go, my dear old blog was on the top list.
the problem was, however, i already forgot which email i have to use in order to log in. so camne nak delete kan? tapi dgn usaha yg gigih akhirnye berjaya la gak delete. (walaupun ble google mizz shaina blog tu masih lagi wujud jitu disitu, haish)

ape yg nak diceritakan ialah apabila saye membace balik blog lame itu, saye kagum dgn kepakaran saye berbahasa inggeris pada ketika itu. agak berprestij jugakla dibandingkan dgn sekarang. ayoyooo..

and i call myself a future english teacher? sungguh memalukan hati dan nuraniku.
just today miss dreamer (puas hati identiti anda tidak diketahui??hehe) and I talked about how we used to criticized our literature teacher during the a level era.
bukannye kutuk tudung die tak matching ke ape, its just that we felt that as an english teacher who used to study oversea,she should be more fluent in english.
and i remember thinking 'this is wat happen when perkampungan melayu wujud di oversea'. u dont get to be fluent because u stick to ur own group and speak ur mother tongue.then wats the difference between studying oversea and local? i can think of two: the weather and the season. huh.

and i remember making a vow to myself that i wont be like that. i want to talk like the native english speaker talk.ceh.of coz of coz of coz, things are easier said than done.

tgkla skang ni. name je duk oversea. but i cant even speak english fluently. i dont even have one mat saleh fren and i cant help but get rather intimidated with the locals. bknnye taknak bercampur gaul,tapi kan, masalahnye, i always felt that they kinda look down on us? i always get the impression that they think we're less smart than them.just because we came from a country which they dont know how to pronounce or spell the name. takkan la cam kite plak yg tergedik gedik kan nak cam rapat ngan diorg? i dont kno. ke im the one who is shallow minded?

but anyhow, i have to work hard to improve my english. lain la kalau kne mengajar kat sepilok.salah ckp in english pun org tak perasan kut.hehe.

okla.cukupla merapu utk malam ini.sakit leher da

perancangan utk malam ini:

1.dah2 la tu sarah blog hopping.kang kne sumpah jadi katak camne?
2.stadi pasal allophone and phoneme.apehal x phm2 nihh..tertelan sabun ke mase mandi
3.buat ALIN. go sarah go kill the paper!!

tapi mengapekah daku rase sungguh tak bersemangat skali?
ngantokkk ngantokkk. pls lempang.
sarah buat cpt sarah. esok nak tgk wayang. take that as incentive for the your hard work tonight. (hahhh?? hard kee?? we'll see)

today im grateful to Allah for:

letting me breath and see the world for another day,and keeping everyone i love healthy and happy(i think)

my wishlist for tonight:

being able to understand keLING 211
ade progress dlm esaimen (pls3)

berusaha!! huk!

sesungguhnya

sesungguhnya saya terasa..
sikit je, tak byk pun, tak pe, tak kisah
kejap2 lagi ok la tu seperti sedia kala happy kembali
tapi buat mase skang saye sedih
utk yg ke sekian kalinya dlm minggu ini

“It's easy to cry when you realize that everyone you love will reject you or die.”- Chuck Palahniuk

pencapaian hari ini

hari ni puase. tetibe rase teringin plak nk makan telur hancur masak sambal. and another reason teringin nak masak ni is sebab adikku amy telah pun bjaya masak lauk ni..siap kawan die terkenang kenang lagi katenye.haha. tercabar skejap. so saye pun mulela mencari resepi2 di internet. ye. saye tau lauk ni senang je, tapi still, taknak la main hemtam je letak kan utk first time. kang tak sedap takde org nak makan. sedih plak. haha

so ptg tu dgn bantuan eny saye pun mencube la masakan itu. masak dgn penuh kecuakan. da la puasa, tak bleh rase. bleh suruh eny rase die ckp da ok da. tapi saye masih lagi sceptical. 'ntah2 nak sedapkan hati aku je', kata hati saye. tp berserah je la. 1st time pun kan.. redha jek la ape rase die

alhamdulillah, boleh la tahan rase die. suke. sukses2! pasni bleh cube masak benda yg lagi susah plak.hehe. takpe sarah, blaja sket2 lame2 jadi bukit la. bkn badan ye yg jadi bukit, tapi skill. hehe.

gmbr bwh ni bkn gmbr lauk tadi. cam beria ia plak kalau nak amik gmbr. haha. ni org lain punye msakan.tapi lebih kurang cam gini la rupe lauk tu..hee







ok. perancangan utk malam ini:

da start buat alin. berusaha sarah!! pasni da sibuk, baik buat cpt2

today i am grateful to Allah for:

being able to think rationally and for keeping my family safe wherever they are

my wishlist for today:

for amy to be successful in her mechanic a level exam. ya Allah, permudahkanla urusan adikku.amiin

windy sunny sunday

it was a nice day today. its really windy but its also very sunny.
and i cudden resist escaping from the deathly clutch of my assignments and taking a walk in the sun instead.
right after eny came out of the toilet: 'eny', I called. 'jum kite jalan2 tanpa mengeluarkan duit nak??' i asked her this morning. and she said with a smile 'jum'

that was the start of our sunday outing. yelatu jalan2 tanpa mengeluarkan duit. in my dream. i knew i shudden have bring my purse. from 'jalan2 tanpa mengeluarkan duit' the outing became 'wahhh, banyaknye duit aku abis ariniiii'. hahaha..well, i just cudden resist. im a girl, wattodo.. hehe..

it was fun fighting against the wind (not!) but it wasnt really cold so all of us: me,eny, ore and erin kinda enjoyed it. welly is sure a weird place; there can be summer, winter, autumn in one day. i guess global warming might be the culprit of this weird weather.

wat a boring entry huh? haha.i just want to have the reason to show off the lovely pictures that eny took (of course they are lovely! because its featuring ME.hehe). here goes



























malam plak. tetibe gatal nak tgk gmbr2 kawin. haha. bukan sbb nak kawin, tapi sbb wedding are beautiful:the emotion, the energy, the atmosphere, the people, all of it. seeing them makes me happy. or so i thought. huhu.

somehow i managed to stumble into this one wedding photography website featuring this one lovely couple.well, lovely is the understatement of the year. they are gorgeous!(just google anas and aliah and website with pictures of them will pop-up) the husband is dashing and the bride is stunning. and i got really jealous.fullstop. and it makes me wishing for things that i dont have. sha said 'stop torturing yourself sarah'. haha.. i didnt do it on purpose sha..

but its not long before i came back to my sense. why the heck am i wasting time wishing for things that will only be decided by Allah. Allah knows wats the best for me and wat i will get and all i have to do is pray for the best.

well dats the thing about me. i am easily carried away by unnecessary stuffs. i guess i gotta work hard to improve that.huh

22 is a scary number

yeah, i know that 13 may is 3 days ago but only now i feel like talking about it.

huhu..how to start..well, to be honest, i was a bit excited that my birthday is coming and all and i was anticipating the surprise my frens will prepared for me (notice the will, yakin diri jek kan?? hahaha). and the surprise was almost successful if i eny didnt forget to put away the balloons before i enter her room..hahaha.. well, around 9 pm dat nyte, eny ym me

eny ida : tido ke
sarah : tak
sarah : nape
sarah : da nak celebrate ke
sarah : hehehe
eny ida: cis ko
eny ida: perasan gile
sarah : hahaha
eny ida : knape ko yaken sgt aku akan clebrate
eny ida : jom minum teh
eny ida : hehe
eny ida : escapism lg!
sarah : haha
sarah : ok

although i sounded so yakin diri, haha, at that moment, i really thought that eny wanted to drink a cup of tea at that time (our favourite activity to escape the assignment). it is only before i switched on the kitchen's light that i suddenly get the feeling that somebody might be there in the darkness, and suddenly "SURPRISEEEE!!!" from erin, dely, ore and wawa who have been waiting in the dark for God knows how long. and the embarassing part is, although I was kinda expecting it, i still shouted as if there are robbers in the house. nasib baik diorg tak sempat rakam. huh.

anyway, they were really sweet, they even made a cake for me (tgk gmbr)! and it looked really great that made me thought that they bought the cake. i know eny is talented in bab bab cooking ni,but i didnt knoe that she is dat talented..haha.. thank u guys, i was really touched.. in fact, i actually have 3 cakes for this year birthday, one from eny,wawa,dely and erin, another home-bake cake from sha (oKAyyy,kwn2 ku semua hebat belaka bab masak2 niii.. tunjuk ajar ku sifu!) and one from mira, fnab and eka..im really blessed to have you guys as my frens..huu


ok, back to the topic. well, so dat nyte everything went well, we had a few cakes, few drinks, and a few laugh. it was when i read their cards, ppl wishing me happy birthday through the ym and sms that suddenly it strucks me: IM 22!!

ya Allah..gle scary.. 22 is like soo adult..when i dont feel adult at all.
bayangkanla, apape pun walaupun benda kecik, i still mengadu at my mom, nanges2, even pasal tensen buat esaimen
and i cant cook!!i cant cook at all.well, ok, dats a lie. i can cook telur, goreng sayur and stuffs like dat but dats about it.
22 tu for me is like umur yang da boleh kawin. well, my mum already has a one year old me at this age. when i cant even organize myself, let alone a husband and a baby
im not ready to be an adult yet, i really dont
i dont think i'll be ready even when im 30
huuuuu..it really freaks me out
im 22 and yet i dont have any sense of achievement at all
and smlm, while at mira, fnab and eka's house, an issue about marriage came up and okayyy, scaryyyy!!!
skang ni ble sume org duk risau2 takde bf takut tak kawin , me on the other hand dont feel like dat (well, except for the times after i just watched cute photo sessions of a married person) because i know im not ready
im still a child myself, still being spoilt by my parents, i dont know how i can grow up, and if i ever will.. takut ok takut...huuu

and there's nothing i can do about it. growing up is sure stressful.huh

da lame da kan tak tulis blog
i just cudden find the tym (or the mood) to write one although there were actually many intresting thing i could talk about
hmm, lets start from the beginning of the week..

Friday 8th may 2009

Happy bday bro!!
it was the day I became a sister 19 years ago (not sure whether its a gud thing or the tragedy of my life..haha, kidding)
though we're not that kind of sitcom brother-sister type (u know wat i mean, protective brother, caring sister, always in good term relationship, etc. etc. (yawnnnn...)) and we fight a lot over the silliest things (on who's turn it is to play the computer, about you always being kind to me only when u got a favor to ask, about how i was mean to u and make u feel as if u are the underachiever of our family, and the list goes on...)

the list goes on, yeah, but the thing is, at the time I was writing this and trying to think about all the things we've fought about, there was not one significant fight that is worth mentioning. its not like we never had a big fight, we actually had big fight ALL the time.

oh how i remember the times when I hated u soo much i was planning on hiring an assassin to kill you when i have the money (true story guys, no kidding, haha)
the times when my lip almost bleed because i was biting it so hard (tgh geram kann)
the times when i really feel like spanking you (but i cant because I was afraid you'll hit me back, i know u wil)

but no matter how angry I was at dat tym, and how i wished i dont have a brother like u, now when i think about it in retrospective,it seems so insignificant now (whether because i have a very bad memory or i am a very forgiving person, ehem) and watever it is, you are my brother through and through, always

there were good times too, remember the one time during hari raya that both of us talk at tok cu's house as if we havent met for a long time (sampai diorg pun heran kan, or the times when we go fishing ikan talapia with ayah at a big longkang near our house (see, we can spend some quality tym together when u are not too busy courting your computer)

and i know dat i can depend on u if i need u. i remember the time when my boss's son almost punch me in the face and when u know about this mama told me that u almost want to bashed him up too. i didnt tell u this, but i was really touched (though of coz u wud only make things messier if u did punch him)

although i seem a cold, bad, uncaring sister to u,u should know that i really care for u. u are the only brother i have, and if i ask u about your studies and what not, it is not because i like to be a bz body person but it is because im really concern about you.

and the thing about me calling u underachiever, u are nothing of that sort, trust me, cause' u are among the smartest person in our family. (haha, i still cant get over not passing the PTS test kan). i just say dat to hurt u, because u hurt me at that tym..teruk kan kite ni??we sucks as a sibling.. but the truth is, u can be great, u have the potential and i know u can



eh, terpanjang plak kan tulis pasal kau.haha..so since this is a late entry, happy belated birthday my dear bro, always know that im here for you.jgn tensen2.. kalau boleh spend la more tym with ur family.. jgnla balik umah pun asik mengadap computer je.. dis are the times to create memories. u wont be at home forever..pasni da kawen mane ade spend tym ngan mama ayah lagi kan..so now collect all the memories u can before its too late. before u suddenly realize that u have nothing worth remembering about us..

today in history

hari ni langkahku dan eny dari kelas encik mccalister ke istana kami lebih laju dari biase. langit menangis pilu. aku tau ini rahmat dari Allah tapi tak dpt aku mengelakkan hatiku dari mengeluh resah. 'malam ni mesti sejuk'

bukan gerimis saje yg menyesakkan benakku. padat sungguh jadualku.tak tau mcm mane nak mengharungi hidup 2-3 minggu ini. haishh. aku nekad mau mendisplinkan diri malam ini. no more citer korea yg membuatku aku mengharapkan benda yg sukar digapai. (well, at least satu episode je kuttt..heee.tak dpt menahan)

jadual utk mlm ini:

1.tgk2 esaimen linguistic (oh..keputusanku utk esaimen lepasssss..menghampakan sekali lagi..walau apa pun, Alhamdulillah)
2.carik2 bahan utk microteaching ALIN
3. luangkan masa utk mendekatkan diri dgn Allah setelah lama bercuti. hehe

go sarah go!! tak byk pun nii..boleh buat punyee..Ya Allah..permudahkann

oh..benda yang aku takut diketahui oleh sahabatku sudah pun ketahuan.. aduhaiii... aku mmg tidak pandai merahsiakan apa2 pun dari sahabat baik ku..pnatla jadi bhn gelak..tadah je laaa..haha


p/s- today i am thankful to Allah for keeping my family safe and healthy. oh. not forgetting for giving me good health so that i can do watever i need to do. Alhamdulillah

angau datang lagi! (dgn nada ala2 "tora dtg lagi")

matilaa..
angauku pada citer2 korea datang kembali
and at a bad time too
huhu..i shudden have watch the coffee prince yesterday
look wat ive done to myself

pls pls pls
i hope my frens wont notice what ive just done
haha

intresting way to approach the hijab issues

i found this from www.islamtomorrow.com
intresting article

why she won't wear hijab

A convesation for Muslim sisters:

"I'm so tired."

"Tired of what?"

"Of all these people judging me."

"Who judged you?"

"Like that woman, every time I sit with her, she tells me to wear hijab."

"Oh, hijab and music! The mother of all topics!"

"Yeah! I listen to music without hijab…haha!"

"Maybe she was just giving you advice."

"I don't need her advice. I know my religion. Can`t she mind her own
business?"

"Maybe you misunderstood. She was just being nice."

"Keeping out of my business, that would be nice..."

"But it's her duty to encourage you do to good."

"Trust me. That was no encouragement. And what do you mean `good` ?"

"Well, wearing hijab, that would be a good thing to do."

"Says who?"

"It's in the Qur'an, isn't it?"

"Yes. She did quote me something."

"She said Surah Nur, and other places of the Qur'an."

"Yes, but it's not a big sin anyway. Helping people and praying is more
important."

"True. But big things start with small things."

"That's a good point, but what you wear is not important. What's important
is to have a good healthy heart."

"What you wear is not important?"

"That's what I said."

"Then why do you spend an hour every morning fixing up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You spend money on cosmetics, not to mention all the time you spend on
fixing your hair and low-carb dieting."

"So?"

"So, your appearance IS important."

"No. I said wearing hijab is not an important thing in religion."

"If it's not an important thing in religion, why is it mentioned in the Holy
Qur'an?"

"You know I can't follow all that's in Qur'an."

"You mean God tells you something to do, you disobey and then it's OK?"

"Yes. God is forgiving."

"God is forgiving to those who repent and do not repeat their mistakes."

"Says who?"

"Says the same book that tells you to cover."

"But I don't like hijab, it limits my freedom."

"But the lotions, lipsticks, mascara and other cosmetics set you free?!
What`s your definition of freedom anyway?"

"Freedom is in doing whatever you like to do."

"No. Freedom is in doing the right thing, not in doing whatever we wish to do."

"Look! I've seen so many people who don't wear hijab and are nice people, and so many who wear hijab and are bad people."

"So what? There are people who are nice to you but are alcoholic. Should we all be alcoholics? You made a stupid point."

"I don't want to be an extremist or a fanatic. I'm OK the way I am without hijab."

"Then you are a secular fanatic. An extremist in disobeying God."

"You don't get it, if I wear hijab, who would marry me?!"

"So all these people with hijab never get married?!"

"Okay! What if I get married and my husband doesn't like it? And wants me to remove it?"

"What if your husband wants you to go out with him on a bank robbery?!"

"That's irrelevant, bank robbery is a crime."

"Disobeying your Creator is not a crime?"

"But then who would hire me?"

"A company that respects people for who they are."

"Not after 9-11"

"Yes. After 9-11. Don't you know about Hanan who just got into med school?
And the other one, what was her name, the girl who always wore a white hijab…ummm…"

"Yasmeen?"

"Yes. Yasmeen. She just finished her MBA and is now interning for GE."

"Why do you reduce religion to a piece of cloth anyway?"

"Why do you reduce womanhood to high heals and lipstick colors?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"In fact, I did. Hijab is not just a piece of cloth. It is obeying God in a difficult environment. It is courage, faith in action, and true womanhood.
But your short sleeves, tight pants…"

"That's called `fashion`, you live in a cave or
something? First of all, hijab was founded by men who wanted to control
women."

"Really? I did not know men could control women by hijab."

"Yes. That's what it is."

"What about the women who fight their husbands to wear hijab? And women in France who are forced to remove their hijab by men? What do you say about that?"

"Well, that's different."

"What difference? The woman who asked you to wear hijab…she was a woman, right?"

"Right, but…"

"But fashions that are designed and promoted by male-dominated corporations, set you free? Men have no control on exposing women and using them as a commodity?! Give me a break!"

"Wait, let me finish, I was saying…"

"Saying what? You think that men control women by hijab?"

"Yes."

"Specifically how?"

"By telling women how and what to wear, dummy!"

"Doesn't TV, magazines and movies tell you what to wear, and how to be `attractive'?"

"Of course, it's fashion."

"Isn't that control? Pressuring you to wear what they want you to wear?"

[Silence]

"Not just controlling you, but also controlling the market."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you are told to look skinny and anorexic like that woman on the cover of the magazine, by men who design those magazines and sell those products."

"I don't get it. What does hijab have to do with products."

"It has everything to do with that. Don't you see? Hijab is a threat to consumerism, women who spend billions of dollars to look skinny and live by standards of fashion designed by men…and then here is Islam, saying trash all that nonsense and focus on your soul, not on your looks, and do not worry what men think of your looks."

"Like I don't have to buy hijab? Isn't hijab a product?"

"Yes, it is. It is a product that sets you free from male-dominated consumerism."

"Stop lecturing me! I WILL NOT WEAR HIJAB!
It is awkward, outdated, and totally not suitable for this society ... Moreover, I am only 20 and too young to wear hijab!"

"Fine. Say that to your Lord, when you face Him on Judgment Day."

"Fine."

"Fine."

[Silence]

"Shut up and I don't want to hear more about hijab niqab schmijab Punjab!"

[Silence]

She stared at the mirror, tired of arguing with herself all this time.

Successful enough, she managed to shut the voices in her head, with her own opinions triumphant in victory on the matter, and a final modern decision accepted by the society - but rejected by the Faith:

"Yes!" - to curls on the hair - "No!" - to hijab!

"And he (/she) is indeed a failure who corrupts it [the soul]!"
[Holy Quran 91:10]

Subhana'Allah!!!

"Nay! You prefer the life of this world; While the hereafter is better and more lasting."
[Holy Quran: 87:16-17]


"You are the best community (Ummah) raised up for (the benefit of) humanity; enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong and believing in Allah."
[Holy Quran: 3:110]

hope whoever read this will benefit from it,insyaAllah

can u possibly be happy and upset in the same time??

apparently, yes, u can
haish la..smlm da lawa da my template
tgk2 ari ni die buat hal plak
wattodo..i guess i just have to make do with convensional templates
at least until i get the chance to learn on how to apply the cool ones
which i think, not very soon..haishlaa
hehe..

well, dats the reason of why im upset
for the reason on why i am happy- TOMOK WON YEAYYY!!
i cant believe im saying this out loud,huhu
i know all my frens have some reservation on him
but hey, he's a completely new man now,( do you think thousands of ppl will vote for him if he is the still same old tomok??) and I can't help myself from liking him
(haha,matila kalau eny bace pasal ni..mati2)

to sha, thanks for liking my old template
give me your link
i'd like to see yours=)

cute steady baby step

dis is my first time
so do bear with me

baru balik jalan2 terus kejar blog
yeayyyy..blogku sudah comelll
hehe.. hopefully this time it wont be like last time
hot2 chicken shit ja dulu kann
haha
its just dat whenever i really feel like writing, (biasenye time2 tgh bengang tgh sedih tgh rindu(eh??) tgh tension), i cant type wat i really feel because its just too personal to share..
ye, org mesti ckp, ape susah, buat la private kan,
hehe, i just knew dat there is such option
pardon my IT blindness
memalukannye kalau org tau mak system analyst, siap bleh buat2 program
haha..anak nak tulis blog pun terkial2
tp takpe2..bukan susah pun nak blaja
like Betty's brother said 'we're teenagers..technology do not faze us' (hah, ye ke teenager lagi??hoho)
but berbalik kpd topik..haa..dis time i really feel like mantaining this blog
because after ive gone hair-wired(camni ke eja) working like crazy finishing the assignments(which btw, takde la bagus sgt pun hasilnye)
ive been doing some thinking about wat i really wanna do in my life
dulu cam ade citer2 nk jadi writer yang bergaya dan berjaya
heh, tapi tulis blog yg tahpape pun merangkak rangkak lagi
so i guess i need the practise
let see how it goes for this one (insyaAllah..)